ok, I met this girl saturday. She is 29, but she has 3 kids and just broke up with some guy. She works at a restaurant I go to every now and then. She is REALLY hot, and she broke up with her boyfriend recently, the kids aren't his, she is divorced.

ok, I overheard her telling another customer that any guy she dates, HAS to have kids. NO guys without kids. (I don't have any kids.) I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but they were within earshot, and I couldn't help but overhear.

So, we started a conversation, and really got along. I mean we clicked really well, and it got REALLY personal. After we talked for a while, she said to me, "I have to ask you,, do you have any kids?" I told her no, and she looked disappointed and just said, ok, and we kept talking. (I was at the bar, and they weren't really busy, so she had time to talk.)

Anyway, when I got up to leave, she said "it was nice meeting you JOHN,, come back and see me, ok?" I took it as just restaurant/customer friendliness, and said ok, bye. then she said, "hey,,SERIOUSLY, come back and see me, OK?"
I didn't ask her out or for a phone number, because of the "has to have kids thing."

Should I go back in a few days, and try asking for the number, or should I just let it go? I don't want to seem creepy, but she seemed REALLY interested. I know I blew it (what's new), but is this fixable, without seeming creepy?


oh, BTW, I overheard her tell the guy the reason a guy has to have kids, is because she doesn't want to have any more, and don't want the guy to suddenly want to have kids with her. I'm not sure I really want kids. I don't mind kids, but I'm not sure I have to have one of my own.

LOL your other thread you were complaining you haven't found anyone yet.. now this one? Hmm, I'm thinking even still a few less profile views after this one. LOL

sorry.

creepy is as creepy does

Yes, go back. People often have certain things they say they "have to have" but when they meet someone they like, those can change.

no I mean anyone ON THIS SITE. and why???

Hmmm, that's a tough one. The thing is, a lot of single moms (me included) don't want serious relationships with someone with no kids. For me, it's because people without kids really don't get what it's like to be a parent. That doesn't mean they're bad people or I would have totally written off a potentially great guy because of it, but that had been my experience. Could be she's having similar thoughts.

Quite simply, if you really are interested, two pieces of advice. First, ask her. Tell her you didn't mean to overhear but you did and go from there. Second, if she is interested and open, take things very, very slowly. It may or may not end up being a dealbreaker for her, in the end. And, and if you date her, be patient. Being a parent means your time and priorities are not your own, ever. When you don't have kids, I think that's one of the hardest things to really get, that level of commitment and responsiblity.

Good luck to you

Sounds to me like she MIGHT be OK with it, IF she can believe the guy isn't going to pressure her to have more sometime down the road. If that's really her reason for the "policy.".

Her error, as I see it, is in assuming that just because a guy has kids now, means he's less inclined to want more with her later. What is that based on? What if he has two but wants seven?

Just as specious is the assumption that because a guy has NO kids, he will automatically want to have some with her. That's not a universal truth.

I think she'd be better off not pigeonholing this way, and trying to look at each situation, each person, individually.

so going back and saying "hi" to her again while i'm there IS too creepy?

Pay no attention to the bird.

GO BACK!

I'd go back and say hello to her, but I'd be cautious, don't let your heart get caught up with her too fast. Yes, it's true people don't always mean what they say, and yes, maybe she'd be willing to overlook her "no kids" policy, but what if she isn't? If you let yourself fall for her too fast and then she breaks up with you because you're not a dad, you could get your feelings hurt.

Some people do have firm restrictions about who they're willing to date- I know I do- and they aren't willing to back down with them. I don't know her, so I have no idea if she is or not.

I'd try being friends first and feel her out to see where she's coming from. If you really listen to what people say- and trust them when they're saying it, not just hearing what you want to hear- you can make a informed decision. I hope it works out for you, since you seem impressed with her. Good luck.

Kids

kids

No knock patsfan. I never wanted kids til later in life. Doesn't matter to me if a women has or not.

Probably the most important thing about dating someone with kids is to stay out of the business of raising the kids.