Real Man here, educated and employed full time!!!

Awesome

I agree with this 100% and I just wish everyone could read this because there is so much truth here.

The problem, though, is in getting to the point where this behavior can be implemented!

Because I see dozens of posts, day after day, from women complaining that all men are dogs, there are no good ones anywhere in the universe, and that they would be better off with electronic devices and old Humphrey Bogart films.

And then they will say they are looking for someone smart and funny and kind and supportive and appreciative -- and there are a hundred guys like that on this site, as far as I can tell, maybe more, but nobody notices.

Maybe these women, the ones who say what they're looking for, are not being honest about what it is they really want. In that case, it has nothing to do with the guy's "realness."

Don'tcha just LOVE intelligent people?

That is so true. But the same can go for some men.

No question about it -- this is not a gender-specific problem.

I'm just trying to address it from the standpoint/context of the OP.

I completely understand and I have no problem with that. Just stating that it is the same for both.

I'm as real as it get's.
So what do ya say to that?

i'm sure both genders are guilty.

however, i can't be responsible for the way another behaves, only myself.

so i try, consistently and constantly, to show my partner how much i care for him, need him, respect him, and love him.

it's something that "I" need to do, it's my share of putting effort into sustaining the relationship. i'm not really looking for anything in return. the very fact of giving - to me anyway - is the part that makes me feel good. when he acts the same way in return, that is just the bonus.

also, i don't think that women (or men) are lying to themselves about what they want. i just think that people are not willing to put forth any, or much, effort, into a relationship. they (we) are looking for an immediate fix and an instant attraction. personally, i just think that is the way society has evolved.

YOu are very right but what happens when you are the one doing all of that but it is not being returned? Or was being returned for about 2 to 3 years then all of sudden the real man shows up and it's not who you expected.

Maybe it really IS an issue of defining our terms. Maybe there is no clear consensus on what "real" is.

But I've noticed that, in the threads where women are discussing how difficult it is to find a decent guy, the same desirable traits, the same lists of what they're looking for in a partner, keep being mentioned over and over again.

And it's just difficult for me to believe that they really can't find someone with those characteristics on this site.

Yes, there are some questionable types (to put it nicely) here. Yes, there are some people I would advise women to avoid completely.

But not everybody is like that.

OK, distance can be an issue, and there are other things to consider. But how many people are on this site? (That's rhetorical; I have no idea.) You're telling me there aren't at least a few good ones, a few "real" ones, scattered somewhere near your area? Have you looked? Have you tried to open a dialogue with anybody?

There's something derogatory in the context of saying someone isn't "real" -- i.e., opposites; if you're not "real," you must be fake. And there are going to be fakes here, there are going to be fakes on any dating site. It's the nature of the beast.

But there are some good ones, too. There have been success stories here. It happens. It CAN happen. But it won't happen if you're convinced that everyone on here is a phony....

<<< is a phony. Nobody has ever met me.

then you can look back and honestly say that you gave it all of your effort and that there was nothing you did to help its demise.

maybe that doesn't matter to a lot of people, but i've second guessed myself in my major relationships and, looking back, i can see that that is where i failed, where i could have put forth more effort, and perhaps had a lasting partnership.

i mean, let bygones be bygones, but i'd like to be able to say that i learned something from it, and be able to apply it towards the future, and make this relationship that i'm in the one that lasts.

Very true and I have found so many wonderful people on here. I have even found my now boyfriend here. I have also been accused of being fake because I do not put my real pic up sometimes. Does that really make a person a fake?

Walks in, looks around. Can't think of anything smart to say that hasn't been said already. Can't think of anything humorous or off color to say. Unless thinking of the fraud psychic "madam cleo" saying "keeping it real" is funny. Real is like personal perception. Everyones version of reality is different. No two sets of eyes perceive the same thing. Its that individuality that keeps us seperated. Self reality comfort zone. We all have one.

Yeah, and maybe if people were actually willing to talk about it -- to the extent of being more clear and direct about what they DO want -- maybe we could make some progress instead of pointing fingers and saying "Those people on that side over there just ain't no good."

Right on the money as always, LHB.

Wow...positive insight on how relationships really should be for once! I like this thread! I think out of experience, that women/men tend to gravitate towards the same "types" continuously. Therefore getting the same outcome repeatedly. I am on here specifically to branch out and try to reach someone different than those I have dated in the past. It is definitely hard to break out of the mold, ya know?

I'm an exotic. I'm an out of the normal mainstream character. I'm an old timer on here. Many people do not believe I'm real. Until a few people met me and/or corresponded with me. Then and only then did they realize that "This nutcase is as real as the hype". When I say I live like a modern day forrest gump- I'm not kidding.

don't you think though that we all have those traits, even to a lesser extent than someone else?

i mean, we all do have a sense of humour, don't we? we all like to have fun as well?

i'm not really making fun of the profiles, and their lack of originality, but rather at their inclusiveness.

it boils down to something more than just general characteristics being the sole attraction and interest factor.

~~~