They're cute! They're Furry! But whoever thought they could be funny too? That's right folks! Step right up and hear these classic woodchuck jokes...

1. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Come on, do I look like I work in a zoo? Everyone knows the only animal that chucks anything is the furchuck, and they only chuck fur. Hairballs, if you must be picky! And they meow. Ok! It's a cat.
A cat masquerading as a woodchuck... just for fun.

2. Why did the woodchuck cross the road?

Because some stupid idiot built the highway too close to the forest without paying any heed to the hippies protesting nearby. Oh well... if the critter gets hit, uncle Jesse gets a free dinner.
That is, if the forst is in nearby Hazard county.

3. A woodchuck, a priest, and a rabbi went to a bar, and the woodchuck said to the priest:

"Father, I hope you can forgive me for crossing the road to get to this bar, but they just don't have decent beer in the forest. So, rabbi john, are you buying? Cuz I'm a *little* out of cash!"
The priest says: "I think I had one too many."

4. If a tree falls in a forest, does a woodchuck know about it? If they don't, did the tree fall?

If the tree fell on the woodchuck's den, he would certainly know about it, and if he didn't know it then it means he either was away or he was blind. Either way, the tree still fell. Dumb question!!!
And, an even dumber woodchuck, by the looks of it.

5. Why did the woodchuck join the Moonies?

To sell roses at the airport and give all of his hard-earned money to the cult, of course. All to be the first woodchuck to be in the Moonies! He's just sorry he missed the Hale Bop, poor critter.
Next week, it will be the Hare Krishnas. Sheesh!

6. Do woodchucks build dams like beavers do?

Ask mr. Beaver, who can usually be found in the woods of Narnia. Actually scratch that! He'll try and convert you to Aslanism like the overzealous mad Beaver that he is. And boy, can he preach!!!
I hear Aslan named him his lord high inquisitor.

7. What did mrs. woodchuck name her baby?

I'm sorry, but I don't speak woodchuck so I have no idea! However, when a universal translator is invented, you can always ask her yourself. That is, if they program it for animal-human dialogs.
"Spock, I think the woodchuck is speaking to me!"

8. Are woodchucks on the endangered species list?

I don't think so, but at the fast rate that uncle Jesse catches them and eats them, I think we'll be adding them to the list long before you can say: "Possum Pie!" I'm glad he's not my uncle!!!
No wonder he's wanted all over Hazard county! ;)

9. Can a woodchuck be trained in Karate?

That depends on whether or not Mr. Miyagi is done convincing dumb American kids to wash his car, sweep his porch, build his house, and wax on and off. "Woodchuck-san! Concentrate! Banzaaaaiiiii!"
The odd part? He could kick Kung Fu Panda's butt.

10. Would a woodchuck make a good pet?

For the love of God, don't you know wild animals can often carry rabies? Tisk, tisk! And they also like to sing "Singing in the Rain" while biting people, prior to having to undergo rehabilitation.
Haven't you ever seen "A Clockwork Woodchuck?" ;)