Whatever they may be. Unhealthy patterns of whom we attract and whom we are attracted by. Sometimes they cannot be changed. I am at the point today where I believe it may be best not to date anymore. It always ends in being lied to, taken advantage of, conned, by experts. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like it is worth the risk to find companionship, love, and romance anymore. It is not worth the danger, whether it be emotional, financial, or physical.

Is there happiness to be found in a chaste life?

nope...Humans need companionship...now as to how much..just dating or getting married...I don't think that matters...but we need that one person in our lives

You know, i've not realy seriously been looking for love for a few years now, cuz it seems like everytime i stick my neck out, it gets chopped off. Recently a girl sort of appeared into my life, and the same stuff just happened again, so i'm moving back into loner territory.

But i don't think it's worth it in the long term. I appreciate i have some issues i need to figure out, and gods know i dont want to be alone forever. I think i could be happy with it, but something would always, ultimately be missing.

At the end of the day, love might just find you, whether you wanted it or not, and the very idea of not going after it will seem absolutely insane. Until then, i don't think it's worth throwing yourself after just anybody, and expecting it to work out

i see what you are saying..i've wondered that myself...

Take time to look at yourself. You can change your own patterns if you put the effort into it.

Yes I believe there is happiness in this life.

YesHappiness is subjective.

When you fall in love with someone you love who you discovered since the beginning so I always wondered why people want to change the other one habits so often after a while and now i think i know why we want to impress the new love by doing things which we wouldn't do usually. Me I try to be who I am from the start no extra things to impress if it is not really me or it is like lying. People try to hard to be who they are not to impress the other so when all the new love is past and we settle in who we are then that is when we find things that we thought about the other wasn't right (You like coming to the theater with me at first and now you tell me you hate it) things like that.

That is why I am honest from the beginning it doesn't always help me but when I do hook up she knows me not who i think she would like to be with.

you know..quite the opposites happening for me..i'm gettn many offers..but having to turn many of them down...

roco

Sometimes we ignore our own inner intuition or gut. We lie to ourselves and believe that the way we are being disregarded, used, or deceived is something that we can overlook or accept in the long run. Why do we do that? I don't know. Perhaps the person sometimes has certain qualities we feel are rare; qualities which we do not believe we will find again. So, we take a chance. Again....and again. And sometimes, some of us, albeit a small percentage, maintain optimism and hope, even when it may not be prudent to do so.

I have made too many mistakes for my comfort and safety. Its just not worth it anymore. But, I am afraid to think of a life without adult companionship and intimacy, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that is what is best for me in the long run.

Happiness is always found within...so the answer is yes...

However, i understand what you are sayin'....sometimes i want to just hang it up & then I go solo for a time....but in the end it is the love & companionship that i miss the most.....
sometimes we just have to take a chance on love, even if it ends up hurting us....i wish you well....

I guess our "type" is our "type", sometimes. Even if it brings us suffering. Do some of us need those thorns for the roses to be real, technicolor, and fragrant? Maybe.

At the same time, its important to be realistic. I didn't cause someone else's problems, I can't change them, or cure them. I am not to blame and I have no power over the situation.

Holding on to false hope and faith? As hard as it is to let go, and to let go with love, it is the only way I will heal and make better choices in whatever it is that I do or say each day. It is only the individual that can decide and go forth with positive change. It would be martyrish and foolish to go down with someone who isn't aware that they have destroyed and continue to destroy themselves and everyone around them who care. ....If they are not interested in, invested in, and committed to helping themselves.

I can't change my patterns, my outlook, or my personality by myself. Some of it may even be impossible to change, because it makes up the core of who I am and what I need. However, I am trying to accept that I can fortify myself with the help of others who understand, have been there. And, with the help of my higher power. I lost much of my Faith a long time ago. It is not an easy task.

I think its too complex a thing to really give a clear answer. Its all relative in the end and I don't believe its so much a matter of finding someone else to be happy with. I'm not going to lie and say its not lonely some of the time, but until we're mostly content with ourselves without a need to feel like we need someone else to be 'complete', I think that's when we project a certain confidence from within that lets others know that we'd be happy to be with someone else but know I don't need you to be 'complete'. Just happier.

i have stopped looking and now am just flirting and having fun. if the real thing comes around i'll grab it. if it doesn't after 10 years i'm used to this.

No, take mine for example.

We tend to go for the same type of people......they may look different and even act different but there is "something" there that is the same and its usually something that we lacked as a child......

It all goes back the first family unit.

We try to fix it over and over and over again and cant.

This is why I took a bit of a sabatical on dating and men.

(((Angel))) There is love, don't give up... Sometimes we have to open our eyes to what we normally wouldn't and close our eyes to what we normally want to see... When we're hurting it's easier to say give up but love is like opportunity when it knocks you need to open the door.. We'll make mistakes and things may not work out, but one day they will and you will be thankful for all the mistakes you made that led you to that one person and know that it was all worth it...

Are you sure you are not talking about my life??
If we give up we are letting them win. There has to be some decent guy out there for us that is not like that. Don't give up!

I've been emotionally bleeding the past few days. I'm allowing myself to feel humiliated. Its so hard to give up on loving someone you deeply care for, even if they are not good for you and yours the way they are now.

The panic, the abandonment of letting go, of losing them - yes, it does go back to the family of origin. But, who we seek out and need becomes a part of our core psyche - so much a part of it that it makes us who we are and I do not believe it can be changed.

Being alone for the rest of my life. I can't do it. I have done it for long periods in the past. I wasn't happy. I worked on myself, improved my life, found myself - but I was never truly happy or satisfied.

Still, the pain of being with someone that cannot meet the important needs (not wants, but needs) I have is just as bad, if not worse.

Sometimes, I just feel like a scared little girl.

((((((((((((((angel))))))))))

Thank you.

I wish I could let go of him. I wish I could stop humiliating myself. I wish it wasn't so panic inducing and stomach tightening. I love him and care about him. I wish he loved himself enough to realise what he is doing to himself and those he believes he cares about.

However, this is about me, not him. My issues and character defects, if you want to call them that. It is my compulsion to be with him, despite the pain and suffering. I feel like I have no bottom sometimes. Some people don't. So, if I do not have a bottom, what is it going to take to help put me on the right track to a healthy relationship. I'm probably not changing anytime soon. Is there an option three? I think not.