(I suppose this could go in music instead, but I felt it was better here because the whole thing is a huge joke.)

"The Assumption Song" By: The Arrogant Worms

There was an old farmer, who lived on a rock.
He sat in the meadow, just shaking his...

Fist at some boys, who were down by the "crick" (Creek)
Their feet in the water, their hands on their...

Marbles and playthings, and at half past four,
Their came a young lady, she looked like a...

Pretty young creature, she sat on the grass.
She pulled up her dress and she showed them her...

Ruffles and laces and white fluffy duck.
She said she was learning a new way to...

Bring up her children, so they would not spit.
While the men in the barnyard where shoveling...

Refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt,
While a girl in the meadow was rubbing her...

Eyes at the fellow, down by the dock.
He looked like a man with a sizable...

House in the country, with a big fence out front.
If he asked her politely, she'd show him her...

Little pet dog, who was subject to fits.
And maybe she'd let him grab hold of her...

Small tender hands, with a movement so quick,
and then she'd bend over and suck on his...

Candy so tasty, made of butterscotch.
And then he'd spread whipped cream all over her...

Cookies that she had left on her shelf.
If you think this is dirty, you can go **** yourself.