as i've mentioned in another thread, i keep seeing all these profiles that say "looking friends first and see where it goes from there" but honestly if you get close enough to be a friend,do you really want to progress that relationship into something more with a guy that has became a friend?



i mean doesn't that make it more of a "friends with benefits"type of relationship?

i think it make sense.. if more relationships started out that way perhaps the divorce rate might start to decline.

I think it mean the person wants to start off slow and get to know the person first as a friend

i preferr love at first sight
then let time either make it
or break it

I think you have to be friends before you can be lovers!

Not at all!!



Yes, thats wat i did. Before i met my bf, i was happy to be single, and i wasnt looking for romance.We had a close online friendship for about a yr, before we met up at a meet in RL, and then it progressed from friendship love to romantic love.

I can honestly say that our friendship laid the foundations for the great relationship we have now. That is because as friends, we grew to respect each other first, and we got to know eachother better during that time, without the complications of a relationship.

Imo, lovers should also be friends, the romance just adds to the sexual part of the relationship, but friendship adds to the social/emotional growth side of the relationship.

I guess because if someone doesn't want to be my plutonic friend first he is not about to get in my britches.

Any person with brains knows you got to like me before you are going to love me and I don't feel like passing my stuff out for lust. Especially not in todays world where the consequences are what they are.

How did being friends go to being friends with benifits? That is quite a leap.

I want my lover to be my best friend

Well when you start getting those benifits thats when your suppose to stop making more of those types of freinds.

I think it also means that they are not in a hurry to jump into anything to quick... take things at a slower pace.

See the thing with that is, Girls have come to realize that when looking for a life partner, yeah, that initial chemistry is wonderful and if he looks good wow.. even better... but unless you can be friends with someone... and are able to communicate with someone.. it will NEVER last... because eventually the good looks will fade and when your old and really just needing some good conversation... if he's not your friend and never has been your friend... Who the hell are you supposed to talk to... its not like it was when you were young. Its not about being physical with someone. Its about what will last and become a life long relationship... In my personal oppinion.

I guess I want to know where being a friend got such a bad rap. Seems like a lot of guys think it means being a doormat or "de-sexed" and that sure isn't the case for me. I want to move a relationship to a higher plane it is going ot be with someone I consider a friend.

This is the most important.

...no. All are different.

They are the BEST kind!!!!

There seems to be two issues being mixed up here, O.P.

I mean, although most of us are under the impression that FWB is the majority of the time, an arrangement that suits males rather than women, there are women who are happy to have FWB too. Nothing wrong with that if it's what you want.

The second issue which I think is being misconceived and bundled in with the FWB scenario, is entirely different though. Men and women say this, and for most of the people I know who have said "Friends first then we'll see what happens", FWB was not one of their goals.

"Friends first then we'll see what happens"- IF it is viewed similarly by both people partaking is a good way of taking a lot of the pressure out of dating; in the cases where it works I mean, but i've no idea what the success/failure rates are.

"Great Love Is Always Based On Great Friendship."

how can we be lovers if we cant be friends-michael bolton

DISCLAIMER: I know this is going to sound kind of harsh and you may have felt you were being sincere when you started this topic. But if you read on to the end, maybe you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Men post this type of topic on social site forums when they are frustrated because the girls they check out don't say the right things in their headlines or profiles. In other words: "Wow, I could totally tap that, but why does she post these pics that give me such a horn and then say she WANTS TO BE FRIENDS???"

Guys feel--I think--that this constitues a type of hypocrisy on the part of females: "Oh SURRRRRE she wants to be 'friends first'!! WHY DOES SHE LOOK SO DAMNED FINE, THEN??"

First and foremost: You're taking this information that the female is offering you about herself too personally. If it doesn't have your name in it, then it's not directed toward you. It's just information. If you feel that it is bad information, or if something about it otherwise strikes you the wrong way, then why can't you just move on? It's the internet, and the social site is likely to have thousands of members. Variety is the spice of life, there's someone out there for everyone, and all that BS.

Secondly (and I've had lots of opportunities to observe this myself): Many men also seem to suppose that a female should post ugly pictures of herself, or make herself look completely unattractive, if she is not willing to put out just for the asking. This attitude extends itself into the workplace and other real-life social settings: Church, night clubs, school, you name it. If what you're seeing makes you get aroused, then the next emotion you feel is anger because you just can't throw her down on the ground and resolve the issue right there. (Helmut often gets in trouble for being too "honest" about this type of impulse, bless his savage little heart.)

Being a bit of a social engineer myself, I note a high degree of hypocrisy in this attitude: If I wear my miniskirt and high-heeled boots, they get angry at me. If I wear my plain brown suit, low-heeled brown shoes, and glasses--they get angry at me.

A good phrase that sums this up is "damned if you do, and damned if you don't".

Learning that we can't always have what we want just for the asking is a part of life. You're going to be frustrated every so often; the sooner you learn to deal with your frustrations in a rational manner, the happier you will be. (Don't take my word for it! Try it!)

And lastly but not leastly: If a girl was to put in her headline, "I am really loose and just sitting here waiting for you to message me so we can get together for casual sex!!!"--by what name, then, would you, and all the other guys, call her?

That's right.

You have doubtless heard of the phrase "double standard", and perhaps you have seen the double standard in operation applied to yourself. From your display picture, you are a young guy. You either are a student or work, or perhaps both. Haven't you ever observed that parents or other authority figures will have this "it's ok for me but not ok for you!" type of attitude? It's like your boss at work telling you not to take personal phone calls, but then his secretary sits there gabbing on the phone to her kids or husband all day long, right? Or like your mom yelling at you for driving too fast when she's always getting speeding tickets. Stuff like that.

Anyway, I hope that you had the perserverance to read to the end of this. I know it may sound like I'm being rude, but I feel that sincere questions like yours deserve an equally sincere answer.

Have a nice day. yours in Chaos, Scarlett