What consitutes a REAL friend anyway?!

Just recently I lost a couple friends as a result of what I believe to be Selfishness.

For starters my son Travis needs a little extra help because of some delays in speech and comprehension but is undiagnosed at this point. I am raising him on my own with the help of my mother and really I don't know where I would be without her.

I am kind of going through a lot lately with the market being crappy my success at work has been limited which means financially I have been struggling and I lost the guy I thought I would spend forever with. Accepting these two things and trying to move forward has been somewhat trying but I am making my peace with it and getting back to my walk with the Lord as I know he is the only one that can rebuild me to who I need to be 100%.

Getting to the point though…. I was told that I am selfish. This is one of the first times I have ever been told this because if you know me you know that I give to the point of not having anything left for myself. My friends are a married couple with no children and are more than financially grounded. They can come and go as they please and do whatever they want without regard to anyone or anything. They are living the life! And apparently because I am unable to do the same at the drop of a hat that makes me selfish! Because I can't just tell mom hey I am taking off watch the kid see ya, I am selfish! Because I am completely drained with the direction my life has taken me and have nothing left to give to anyone, I am selfish. Because I am not in a place to care for and about anyone or anything other than my son, my job, my financial status, my relationship with the God etc. Although, any reserves I have go directly to my child because HE is who I am responsible to give love, support, and care to. I AM SELFISH! Well Sh*t that makes me a great friend to have right?! Sorry to those who don't have the ability to see past the tips of their own noses! What I have just described here is called LIFE and I am HUMAN! Doing all that I know how to do....

Take it from me, a woman in exactly the same place as you.....your son is your ministry. You are doing the most unselfish thing you can possibly do in putting your son first. DON'T EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU YOU'RE SELFISH FOR PUTTING YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES AND YOUR CHILD FIRST. You may certainly lose friends and men over this. But I tell you what...when you meet that one guy or make that one friend who understands and is all in support of your dedication to your child and your own well being...you've really found something worth waiting for. Those friends of yours....THEY were the selfish ones.

Surely that's what I was thinking. I ran into this a couple times with them and they lack understanding of what it takes to even bring a child up in the world let alone the bumps and curves on the way.

Take it from me, a woman in exactly the same place as you.....your son is your ministry.

Those words speak VOLUMES to me right where I'm at in life at the moment. Thank you... us mom's gotta stick together if wer'e gonna make a difference in our childrens lives right?

Then keep being selfish as they put it and doing whats right in taking care of youu and your son. In the end who is the one really going to take care of you? No one, but you. So you do what you have to do to live...

They are the selfish ones, not to mention childish.......stomping their feet and throwing a tantrum because you can't come out and play.

I was in the same boat too, only I was raising two kids by myself. I went thru the same thing with some people but luckily most of my friends understood from the start that my girls are first in my life. They are now 17 and almost 16 and they still come first, even before my fiance, just like his girls come first in his life. Even he has gone thru things like this, so it isn't just us single moms.

Keep your chin up, you are doing a wonderful job!!

Thank you. :) I tend to feel "guilty" when I am not able to please everyone. Not healthy I know but I just really like to see everyone smiling and happy. They were saying I wasn't there for them. That I don't call and ask how they are or even bother caring about what's going on in their lives. I hope that isn't true. Sometimes a person can just get overwhelmed with their own situations ya know? ;(

One of the most dearly coveted costs of having children is time. Money comes and goes, people come and go, but you can never reclaim the time it takes to raise children. Parents understand this and others don't. In most situations, people you've known in the past, are used to a certain amount of time that you spent with them. That time is no longer there.

It may be that they are offended by the lack of time that you can give to them now. They see that at selfishness on your part, but it really happens to be merely out of necessity. You are doing the correct thing and it is a shame they can't see that this is what is important for you. All they have is what they remember.

When I had children I lost many friends for the same exact reason. It caused me to look at why I was friends with some of them in the first place. I was able to make amends with some of them, but others could never understand my new priorities, or why I didn't want to go to the bar with them twice a week. Ah well. I knew what my priorities were and was confident in my decisions.

Didn't make it any easier. Some you just need to let go.

I have alot of friends, and they are in different "catagories" some are aquantences, some are what I consider true friends. Some of my friends are single, some have kids and some are married with kids, the common thread is that they know who I am and where I stand and they respect that.

I don't get a babysitter to go out, I stay home with her, when the ex has her, I'm up for anything. They understand that.

I will do anything for anyone I consider a friend, I will not compromise myself of my daughter in any way to accomodate them, They understand that.

I have friends with more money than me, and ones with less, when we all get together it's never an issue. That is also understood.

If someone doesn't respect not only you, your child and your situation, they don't respect much of anything. Those are not friends, those are aquantences. Treat them accordingly.

ask any parent here, ANY PARENT here , and we will ALL tell you the same thing .... you are doing exactly what NEEDS to be done to look after YOU and your son ... LET NO ONE throw stones til they have walked a mile in your shoes ...
I'm with you ALL the way as well,SO, I guess I am selfish too

its kinda sick and sad for your friendly couple to find this an appropriate time to become critical of you. makes you wonder about THEM.

keep your courage, confidence and personal standing

I am actually doing a lot of re-evaluating as a result fo this situation. That's an interesting thing to ponder really. Who your REAL friends are vs. acquaintances....hmmmmm? I'm sure my son would agree with all of you! :) Thanks again for hearing me!

In my opinion, unless you have a child, you have no idea how unselfish good parents are. I too have butted heads with a GOOD friend or two about how I don't take the time to see them as much as I used to. I have a few really close friends and out of all of them, I am the ONLY one that has a child. I cannot do what they can do. And not only can I not do it, I do NOT want to do those things all the time like I used to. It is called growing up.

Amen to that!! Kids definitely grow you up real quick!! lol! And it wasn't until I had Travis that I knew what unconditional love meant. Such a blessing it is to be his mommy. :)

Sounds to me that some of these "friends" are useing the only insults they hear a lot (because it applys to them) at you because it is obvious that you do NOT value yourself above your first responsibilities/choices. Hang in there someone will notice that you are a person of good character and want to be a REAL friend and things will go better.

IF a tiny grain of truth exists in their claims try and re-arrange a few responsibilities and make a little time for the more worthy of the bunch. A friend is a real treasure to a single parent. But like even a Cactus it needs a little water now and then. My guess is you are a great parent and your child will not miss a tiny portion of the abundance you probably provide.

Keep in mind children Learn what they Live and how to be a friend is a critical skill. It also helps a child to respect and feel secure that their parent is ok by having more than just them to get them through the world. God Forbid you ever are gone it will be your friends that get your family through.

To you for being a good Mom.

Awww your sorta sweet sometimes huh?

No, he just plays it on the internet....

Uh oh I smell a can of worms that's just been opened...hahaha!

No, I'm teasing him...he knows that....

I'm not sweet!!!

I do appreciate good parents though. Lily is one too.