these are 20 questions that i had asked my self onces, i answered 19 of them on my own.....and i was wondering if the other question will ever be answered.....so i will let who ever feel if so they need to ask themselves, go right ahead......the questions are.....

1. has this pain in life got me to grow stronger??
2. or this rain on the city can ever last longer??
3. maybe this strenght can grow from month to year??
but its getting harder for me just to drop one Tear....

4. has these past few years tought me to be brave??
5. or maybe i could fear no darkness from the cave??
6. could this even be an option i would have to take??
i try to sleep at night but im really wide awake....

7. did i absorb the past like if im mourning a loss??
8. or could it be the ice on the door and the window frost??
9. is it warm in the winter and cold during the summer??
this kind of question deserves an answer and so i slumber...

10. no more what if, i'am just trying to ask why i cannot cry??
11. is it cause the macho ways i was raised to release no tear nor even try??
the harder it gets for me to cry, yes i feel numb....
12. precisely what i wanted from the begining but is that dumb??

13. did i really want emotionless go thrue my life??
14. did i really enjoy the moments that i wanted to die??
15. did i even felt pain when these voices told me...?
you might think im crazy, but i felt that i was blind, then i could see...

16. did i really wished that my family would have died??
17. did i really asked God......Just tell me why???
18. was my questions directing towards God, or myself??
i had ignored many warnings from everyone else...

19. how can i even call my self a Christian believer??
when indeed i had helped to bring down those who never was free, NO!!!
20. How dare i even tell myself alone that "I'm a Man"??
when my knees started to tremble and i couldnt stand!!!

When my ankles felt so weak, i wanted to collapes!!!!
When my hands shook like this earth and i couldnt grasp!!!
When my throat was extremely dry that i started to choke!!
When my heart was pounding fast, a heart attack provoked!

20. maybe i called my self a man because i was afraid....
19. maybe i called myself a believer just to see what i was made...
18. maybe i answered my own question, and God helped me out..
17. maybe telling me why wasnt it, but telling me how.

16. im pretty sure i was afraid of Love because i wished death.
14. and i think that enjoying life is a gift at its best
13. emotions running thrue my vains even if i tried ignoring
12. not for you or for myself to make sense of distorting

11. i tried my best to drop one tear but it never fell down
10. i even read sad storys but all that left was a frown
9. during the winter the family is together, summer time it falls apart because of the warm weather
8. its like a metaphor, "Stiff like a Board, Light as a Feather"

7. i miss the past but the future is ahead so i wait
6. patience will determine the true from the fake
5. i must not lie and tell the truth, yes i'm terrified
4. but i know of these words that i must abide

3. it all depends on what is my focus on what i call strong
2. heavy or light rain will never drown out God's song
1. i think it may but what is my strenght when im wise and grown
for once i said i was born one, and only one but im not alone

and as i started to finish this poem i notice on the paper a wet droplet, soaked the very word Love. I looked up and saw a picture on my kitchen wall, and it was Jesus in the Last Supper and all the rest looked small. I looked at Love and seen another droplet next to gift, and i was wondering is this a message from him to me. Then one last look at my poem and i noticed "drop one tear..." and one more dropped on God, but i noticed that with him.........im not alone.....stand up he told me.

Amen

Lenin aka SangRio
Get At Me
5 Alive!!!