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| Topic: help please.... | |
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I don't even know where to start here.Some people who are close to me know I had a complete break with my family over 5 years ago, if not the reasons why. Today while doing research on geneology I found out that my mother is dead, in fact died over 2 years ago. By stumbling over her death certificate in my research. What do I do now if anything? I just feel stunned and numb.
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She might have left you something. Better reconnect with family.
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That's a very, very difficult thing. Being estranged from family is hard, but it usually means there was a good reason. Still, it's hard to believe they wouldn't have let you know, and I'm sure it hurts. I don't know what kind of advice I could really offer here. Follow what your heart tells you.
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I don't even know where to start here.Some people who are close to me know I had a complete break with my family over 5 years ago, if not the reasons why. Today while doing research on geneology I found out that my mother is dead, in fact died over 2 years ago. By stumbling over her death certificate in my research. What do I do now if anything? I just feel stunned and numb.  
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Sorry to hear. Not sure how I would handle that situation. Must be tough to find out like that.
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is there anyone in your family you feel you can reconnect with? I take it you were also estranged from your mother as well...
Are you willing at all to put some of the past in the past and try to salavge some sort of relationship with any family members you have? |
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I would go to your mother's grave site and pay your respects.
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well you can see the estrangement was total or I would have known. I wouldn't even know where to begin finding anyone. I guess my attorney could find more details than I found. I just don't know. Not what to think what to feel. I just feel lost.
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well you can see the estrangement was total or I would have known. I wouldn't even know where to begin finding anyone. I guess my attorney could find more details than I found. I just don't know. Not what to think what to feel. I just feel lost. You found a death certificate with a town on it probably. Local newspapers carry obituary archives. They tell where people are buried.... Privately go and pay your respects if you wish. Don't blame anyone for not telling you. Maybe they didn't know how during the crisis stages. I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad and I were the same way. I was in the military. Had to do the same thing later on. |
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I'm so sorry. I made a complete break from my family years ago for a couple of years, it was absolutely the right thing to do at the time. Then, several years later, we reconnected after the birth of my first daughter.....and the death of my brother. It was so hard at first, it took us almost a year to not be nervous around each other. In the time apart my grandmother that had lived with us for years had also died some time before.
It takes a lot of courage, and risk of getting your heart broken again, but since obviously they didn't reach out at the time your mother passed and they probably won't anytime soon, the most you can do is try to find the one that you might have the best chance at talking to, and try to reconnect, maybe even if it's just an occasional thing to keep the lines open. If it means a lot to you to reconnect, don't give up if they reject you at first.....when I first heard of my brothers death, I went to my moms house, and she tried to close the door in my face, but I knew she was alone and hurting, so I made her let me in, and we grew from there. Today she lives with me and we couldn't be closer. Even if we are angry and hurt, we still sometimes need those that we loved for so long. Almost anything can be fixed. Hope everything works out.
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well you can see the estrangement was total or I would have known. I wouldn't even know where to begin finding anyone. I guess my attorney could find more details than I found. I just don't know. Not what to think what to feel. I just feel lost. |
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I did and I did. The reasons for the estrangement were and still are valid. I don't know I feel as if I should have some sense of loss knowing. But I don't because I think I did my grieving and she died to me when the estrangement started. But I feel displaced and out of step with time. As if it is happening all over again.
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 {{{{Destiny}}}}
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I'm so sorry. I made a complete break from my family years ago for a couple of years, it was absolutely the right thing to do at the time. Then, several years later, we reconnected after the birth of my first daughter.....and the death of my brother. It was so hard at first, it took us almost a year to not be nervous around each other. In the time apart my grandmother that had lived with us for years had also died some time before. It takes a lot of courage, and risk of getting your heart broken again, but since obviously they didn't reach out at the time your mother passed and they probably won't anytime soon, the most you can do is try to find the one that you might have the best chance at talking to, and try to reconnect, maybe even if it's just an occasional thing to keep the lines open. If it means a lot to you to reconnect, don't give up if they reject you at first.....when I first heard of my brothers death, I went to my moms house, and she tried to close the door in my face, but I knew she was alone and hurting, so I made her let me in, and we grew from there. Today she lives with me and we couldn't be closer. Even if we are angry and hurt, we still sometimes need those that we loved for so long. Almost anything can be fixed. Hope everything works out. God Bless You! What a perfect ending.
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I'm so sorry. I made a complete break from my family years ago for a couple of years, it was absolutely the right thing to do at the time. Then, several years later, we reconnected after the birth of my first daughter.....and the death of my brother. It was so hard at first, it took us almost a year to not be nervous around each other. In the time apart my grandmother that had lived with us for years had also died some time before. It takes a lot of courage, and risk of getting your heart broken again, but since obviously they didn't reach out at the time your mother passed and they probably won't anytime soon, the most you can do is try to find the one that you might have the best chance at talking to, and try to reconnect, maybe even if it's just an occasional thing to keep the lines open. If it means a lot to you to reconnect, don't give up if they reject you at first.....when I first heard of my brothers death, I went to my moms house, and she tried to close the door in my face, but I knew she was alone and hurting, so I made her let me in, and we grew from there. Today she lives with me and we couldn't be closer. Even if we are angry and hurt, we still sometimes need those that we loved for so long. Almost anything can be fixed. Hope everything works out. God Bless You! What a perfect ending. Thanks, I just hope she (feistybaby)finds peace and some sense of closure with this really difficult situation. It brings up emotions and hurts that you think are long since gone, but when the heart is connected to something or someone, you never completely stop caring, it's just human nature. |
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There won't be any happy resolution to this issue. And any grieving I needed to do about my mom was as I said done a long time ago. I think this just knocked the blocks out from under me for a bit and reinforced just how alone and cut off I am. Not that I didn't already know that, it was just a harsh reminder.
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Edited by
michiganman3
on
Sat 08/23/08 06:34 AM
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Death slips in our stride, along side of us.
Walking in our shadow, just slightly out of view. We feel its chill, and It is gone. Leaving behind only the touch of Its presence. Sorry for your situation. |
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mother!!I would find her grave and be sure to put flowers on it as often as you can. J/M/O
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SOMETIMES living is alot harder than passing!! Im sorry you had to find this, instead of someone letting you know. YOU have my prayers..
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I don't even know where to start here.Some people who are close to me know I had a complete break with my family over 5 years ago, if not the reasons why. Today while doing research on geneology I found out that my mother is dead, in fact died over 2 years ago. By stumbling over her death certificate in my research. What do I do now if anything? I just feel stunned and numb. Nobody else can tell you what you should do, its all up to what you want to do. I dont see many options though, basically, you can either contact your family, or not. But like a gentleman up there said, maybe there is something for you from her estate. Might be worth checking out, just dont be disappointed if you havent been left anything. |
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