I grew up pretty much without my dad, he would come and go as he liked
and not very often at that. When i was with my ex, after I found out I
was pregnant he didnt want to work or have anything to do with me, it
wasnt planned. After he moved in with me he finally started telling me
the truth about himself he already had 5 kids!!!! One kid i knew about
and met, a 2 year old boy that he never had anything to do with him
wuldnt even buy him a thing of milk or diapers. He would cry to come to
me and not want anything to do with his father. We were toegther for 7
months he wanted me to have an abortion i said no friggen way. His ex
g.f who has the 2 yr old boy lives in the same house as his mother
father and him doesnt work. My question is when she is older and she
asks about her father i will tell her about him not the bad stuff of
course i would never do that. But what if she says mom i want to meet
him. He is such a dead beat and i dont trust him at all, i know he would
pass her off to his crazy ass parents and i dont want that. What would
you do? Do you think i am being crazy ?? I just know what he is like and
i only want the best for my baby girl. thank you for your advice

That is a very hard choice hun...
You have seen some of my background wiht my ex, and know I have the same
choices to look forward to. What I have decided today (and yes it does
change almost daily depending on how I feel) is that if they are old
enough to know the truth about their other parent, then they are old
enough to choose wether or not to meet them. That does NOT however mean
they get to see the other half without you present at any time. This
way if things go how they shouldnt, and you are the adult you will know
if they are or not better than the child, you can step in and say that
that is enough for this time. Eventually, if the other parent is
continually bad, children will pick up on it and not want anything to do
with them anyway.

well...seems you hooked up with my sons daddy. ALL THAT DRAMA!!

If they can send one man to the moon...cant they send HIM?!LOL
Wee ones are like lil sponges. They soak up EVERYTHING. Positive and
negative. Understand? never bash the man around her but i do STRONGLY
suggest you go and file with child support enforcement. Its the law and
its just WRONG for any parent to be a deadbeat. Sadly you cant change
him into a good dad but you can spare your daughter if she asks about
him by beint HONEST and OPEN. She will see as she grows WHO was the
parent who rocked and GIRL....that would be YOU!

You are so right Barbie. And believe me the courts are getting very
more serious about tracking support and all. My ex wife has already
been issued with a contempt charge and a threat of jail time for
non-payment. If she is not CAUGHT UP, in the next month or two they
will be issuing the bench warrant.
I have this in writing from the judge.

thank u for your advice guys :) Im not gonna go after him for child
support because he signed over his right to her when i was still
pregnant. And I dont think it is right to take his moneny (his mommy and
daddys money) lol since he doesnt work. If i dont want him to have
anything to do with her, the further away from her he his the better.
Another one of the reasons we broke up was he was a porn addict, i didnt
really care whatever untill one i was on the computer and seen a whole
chit load of files with the title fun pics, i clicked on it and almost
friggen died. The girls in the pictures and porn vidoes were like 13...
I dont trust him around my lil girl and that why i made him sign over
his rights. And another strange vibe i got was when i got preggo he was
like i hope it is a girl, and i was like why. Coz he has 5 boys but has
nothing to do with them so why should it matter what the sex of the baby
was to him? Coz if he ever did anything to her, she would be 7 saying to
her grandma when do i get to see mommmy, well ur mom is doing 10 to life
in the state pen lol....

hey hun. how did he sign off onhis rights? was it in court?
The reason I ask, is my ex wife notarized a signed statement giving me
sole custody of our children, relinquishing any all current future
rights other than supervised visitation. The reason I am bringing this
up, is as I found out this is not considered a legal relinquishing. It
goes so far as to show intent, yes which is why I had it done, but it
will nothold up in court. And if he were to show up on your doorstep
right now and demand you hand her over to let him visit and tell you to
not come with, he can legally do so unless the court has said otherwise.

and the police would come and back him up if you tried to prevent him
from doing so. because until the court says otherwise he is still the
LEGAL father. I had to go through all this when I divorced my exwife,
and i had to make sure afterwards that anyone my children was staying
with had a copy of the court order stating she could not see them
without me present let alone pick them up.

Hi Autumn, My ex has 5 kids he claims and has always wanted a girl and
he disclosed that there was an inappropriate relationship between his
dad (who's love he wants but dad loves the girls more) and one of his
sisters. He's an alcoholic and has porn issues and I found handcuffs
and porn stuff in his rig (trucker). He also commented one day that our
daughter had sexy lips. Our divorce decree says he can have her when we
mutually agree -which will be over my dead body. He has supervised
visitation ONLY. If you try to keep her from him, when she's at that
rebellious age she may try to run to him. I have never told my daughter
a bad thing about her dad. She's about to be 11 and she knows he's an
alcoholic, he does stupid stuff, and don't keep his word. She learned
that all on her own. So my suggestion would be to let her meet him -
Supervised ONLY - and if she wants to see him on a regular basis and he
don't show up - she will learn on her own too - It Sucks bad as a parent
to watch someone hurt you child like that emotionally and there's not a
damn thing you can do about it - but looking back - I hate to say it
because of the hurt it caused her but she did learn it on her own and he
can never say I tried to turn her against him or lied to her about him
and she knows it.

that is so true hun.
my four year old is in ocunseling right now due to seperation and
abandonment issues becuase of his mommy running away. And yet I have
done everything I could to facilitate MORE visitation. Until the doctor
and/or judge agree that it is too damaging for hium thats the best thing
I can do is let him get hurt and learn from experience.

well, I have to go pick up my older son from school but please feel free
to look me up and email me to talk autumn. I would love to listen and
talk if it makes you feel better. I know I could have used someone to
talk with at that point (youngest was four months when she deployed and
a year and a hlaf when she came home. and after that it was all rocky
and she was in the hospital a lot, and then she was in and out of his
life so I could have used a shoulder big time. Email me. I will
listen.

random question autumn.... why were you with my ex?? hehe i kno where
you are coming from here babe. trust me!!!!!!!!!!!! i have 3 babes with
the deadbeat looser, and my 4th thinks he is her father. he was great
when he was there, but that was so rare looking back on the last 7
years, that i dont know why i was so stupid to fall for all his lies.
but heres what i have decided.... maybe it will help, or you can tell me
that i am stupid, ive herd it before.... the kids are MINE!!!! he wasnt
there when they needed him, he WILL NOT take them from me. EVER!!!
however if for some crazy reason he wants to man up and see them, i dont
have the heart to deny them. but i have learned the hard way its eisest
to say that we are going into townto shop, than to say we are going to
see daddy... that way WHEN he doesnt show up, they arent heartbroken.
and when they ask, i will tell them the truth.... as it applys to
them... their daddy loved them very much, but was not able to take care
of tehm when him n mommie stoped loving eachother. and mom n dad decided
it would be best for them if they stayed with mom. if they want to see
him, i will do my best to put them in touch with him, but be sure to
explain that we havent been able to keep in touch over the last years,
and it wont be easy to find him. and this i will do. i will let them
meet n see him, and they can make their own decisions about him.... and
i will be there to pick up the pieces when he breaks their hearts like i
always have been.
its my job as their mom.
good luck, and my heart to you.

I am heading into custody battle #5. The ex is so far behind and the
state does nothing but lose my file. I just found out about
support kids online. I am going to call tomorrow! Autumn...lil
sister....thats just SORRY!! OH WELL! at least you dont have the DADDY
DRAMA!!!!

as a rondom side note, i decided that it was useless to go after any
kind of support due to the fact that he has not held down a job at any
point when he was not living with me for longer than 5 weeks. when he
lived with me, i made sure he was at work on time, and knew ppl there to
be sure that he was doing enuf work to keep him from getting fired... it
was like having another child!!!! so the state cant do much to catch up
with him for support,, and with him bouncing from friends couch to
friends couch... its hard to nail down an address. he is still having
his mail sent to my house, despite that we have been split for bout 9
months now.....
ok random thought. sorry.

No sorries hun, this is a sad truth. Too many dead beat parents do just
that: work for a few weeks then quit their job or get fired and the
squat at whatever place they can find. My ex is doing it, and like you
said it is very hard for the state to catch them.

i dont think you should ever call a dad a dead beat because everyone
has troubles and for what ever reason these dads didnt get the help they
needed an as a result ended up doing the only thing that they new wich
in most cases isnt being a good dad. can your daughters dad still get
help an change yes he can but some one got to show him the steps to get
where he needs to be, they dont need to be insulting him calling him a
dead beat. if your daughter wants to see her dad i say let her see him
so that she can judge for herself how he is. tell her dad its time get
it together because she want be little for ever and you cant get those
years back.

Im sorry but i dont agree with you on that one brokenhomes123 I think
there can be dead beat mom and dads. Like i said i grew up without my
dad he is shelfish and couldnt give 2 ****s about me. he was a dead
beat, he had lots of chances to have a life with me and he choose not to
i am now 21 and he still wont talk to me. To me that is dead beat he is
43 years old he knows better not like he is 17 and still in high school
who doesnt want to be a teenage father. And as for my daughters father
yes he is a dead beat he has 5 kids not including mine so 6 in total and
does not pay child support for any of them. When we wetre together and i
was pregnant i had many complications which they didnt think my baby was
going to make it. He didnt care he still didnt want to work i am a
production tech i do alot of heavy lifting and i work 12 hours shifts
the doc took my off of work. He told me that either i kept working or
else coz he didnt want to. He never even talked about his other kids i
think that is very sad. and that makes him a dead beat father he is now
and he alawys will be.

u need to do what u feel is beast 4 the baby . the mother of 2 kids is a
deadbeat no good well u get the idea, she has moved to missippi i think
she doesnt pay child support , she is always calling me saying how bad
she misses them but she wont come back and be a mom or a parent.i do let
her talk to them but all she does is fill them with hope and lets them
down . she says she is sending stuf 4 them and well u guest it it never
comes . i end up going and buying them stuf and telling them its from
her. but any how if u dont trust him then u need 2 do what ur heart
tells u 2 do . and that will not make u a bad person

my heart is torn big time, but when she gets older and ask about her
father i will tell her the truth. Of course I will never bash him to her
coz thats just not fair. But I dont think i would let her see him
without me right there beside her. Making these kidna choices suck lol.

Thank you luck my ex wife does the very same exact things.
the ONLY time she shows up is when she doe snot have a place to live.
I have let her move back in no conditions.
I have offered to get her into psychiatric care (whic she needs
desp[erately; has already been diagnose and will not follow up).
I have offered to sell her my trailer on land contrat for ten dollars a
month (ignoring the payments) so she can live near the children.
I have given her money.
I have bought her basic needs such as clothing and health items.
and still she runs away with her boyfriend as soon as she hears his
voice. In one way it is funny. she wil be one person one minute, then
as soon as she hears his voice it is literally as if she left stage and
someone else took over the act. Even her body posture and language is
absolutely diferent. She refuses to pay child suport. She makes all
kinds of promises to the children and then falls through on them.
I am sorry but that is a deadbeat. She has has MULTIPLE chances both
from me and from the state and she will not accept them.

there somes a point in your life when no matter what has or has not
happened in your history you have to stand up and be an adult. If you
refuse to do that you can not blame your parents or teachers or
government. You can only blame yourself. And that makes you a
deadbeat.