I've been dating someone for 4 months now. And he's a really great guy. The problem is I hardly get to see him, and now that he just took on a 2nd job... I hardly get to talk to him either. He gets his children every single weekend. His only total day off from both jobs and having his kids is every OTHER Monday, which of course I work every Monday. I even told him when he got his 2nd job that I was worried we would spend even less time together than we did, which at the time, wasn't very much. He told me "no worries, I won't be working that much" Well... he is working alot.
I feel like my relationship is done via text message most days.
He has very legitimate reasons that he's busy. So I'm not "mad" at him that he doesn't spend more time with me. And I really don't want to break up with him, I truly like being with him and like I said before, he's a great guy. I adore him alot. However... my relationship with him is pretty lonely right now and I'm not sure what to do about it. Tho I don't need to spend everyday with him, would like to at least spend some. lol he is my boyfriend afterall. I don't think that's to much to ask for. So I'm not sure how to bring this all up to him... without making it seem like I'm to needy or wanna break it off... Someone help me

Well I would say, "I miss being in the same room with you, do you think we could brain storm and come up with a solution where I could see you at least once a week or so?"

exactly... I don't think asking to see my bf once a week is all that much to ask for.

Couple of questions....does he have to have the second job for financial reasons? And if you have been dating that long what would be the issue for you to be around when his kid's were? Not saying a sleep over but just to spend time with him. Lastly are you both committed enough to the relationship at this point that you would be willing to juggle schedules and put each other first or to just be happy with the time that you DO get to share?

Jill as you know his situation and he just recently started his second job, why not allow him some leeway to get into a routine, get settled. I'm sure he'll make room for ya.

nope, its not an unreasonable request, and you are not being clingy. This way it lets him choose the time when its best for him. But be prepared for a once every 2 weeks answer. good luck

welcome to my world......

so much of life is about "timing" it will or has come to a point where you require more attention.....it is not needy...it is natural... what to do....what to do.....weekend getaway ??? should help... is that happening?

don't have a solution for you, just wanted to say "best of luck" anyway

Fran I just wanted to say I was thinking about you this morning and I hope you're out of harm's way.

Jill dear, lovie sweetheart.....
Time to have a sit down with Mr. Jill. It is time to move forward or time to walk somewhere. You can't run in circles. Granted, situations change, circumstances change, that is a given. But feelings, those usually stay more constant. If this man cares for you (and by golly he'd better) he will sit down with you and communicate. Come up with a plan to make it through this and be considerate of your feelings.

Availability, both physical and emotional, are things we tend to count on in a relationship. If either of those things are absent, something needs to replace it. That is your job now (together I mean).... to find a way to make it okay.

just let him know you miss him and when things
ease up a little you'd like to schedule a bit
more time together...if it still isn't happening
after a while then ...

Sounds too familiar.....after 6 months, I began to question if he was really that busy, or was there something else going on. Turned out there was. But even it I hadn't learned out about the 'others', I probably would have ended it because in the long run, if he's too busy to make time for me, then I'm obviously not a high priority. So, I ended it.

Thanks Lil, thankfully only got a lot of rain and strong winds, no hurricane conditions. But merely just blocks away major damage. Thanks for thinking of me.



Jill, why not rotate schedules, one Monday you take off work and one weekend he takes off. This way both of you make time for each other???

just an idea

I like the idea... I plan on trying to talk to him tonight.

even every 2 weeks would be OK as long as I knew that was the plan. Right now it's "I don't know, I'll try, I'll see if I can get off work" blah blah blah....

good luck Jill

Thanks... Looks like I'm gonna need it. The way I see it is that I'm not asking for to much. Actually I think I've been rather understanding for quite awhile. If he's not willing to even try... then what's the point of dating at all?

if you want something you can work out a solution....

sorry jill,,,,,can't help ya on this one,,,,,so hello an goood luck

my best advice is he doesn't want you around, honestly, no matter how much someone works or his kids if HE WANTS YOU , he will MAKE TIME FOR YOU. Him having no time just means you're something he does/ your relationship/ when he has nothing better to do.

I'm being honest if you've been dating for 4 months and you aren't around when his kids are there why not? maybe i'm stuck in my ways but if you're going to have a relationship make it one not a texting one. Plus, this is only the beginning its suppose to still be " spry" and fascinating for both of you to talk about all your stories, not you staying home thinking about him meanwhile hes at work, with his family, etc, etc, etc, and you're not included.

I would dump his ass, but if you're not me have you thought about telling him you'd like to do lunch 1 a week, it helps to set up a stable environment that on Wednesdays at 12 pm you will both have lunch somewhere. Then you also need to tell him i feel lonely and i need more time, because i'm not getting what i want out of this relationship. If he cares he will listen and you guys can make plans on how to spend more time together if he doesn't try well then you know your answer it is tough but true.

Well doing lunch is a lil hard during the week since we both work, he doesn't leave for lunch and he lives an hour away from me...
I'm just gonna try talking to him, tell him that I need more than this, and I shouldn't be lonely in my relationship. Hopefully it goes well. Like I said, I really don't want to end it but I can't leave it like it is either. I haven't pushed to meet his kids... I think it's each parent's choice on when to involve their children. Tho after 4 months... It's getting to the point where we need to move forward.