A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true
what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put
their penises?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally
come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock
all my teeth out?"

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There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four
years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their
virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they
wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a
college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could
together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was
never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any
letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his
messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.
He didn't take this very well and increased his calls and letters and
e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and
now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what
she did was this:

She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's
unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I
found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy
was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next
was awesome:

He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad,
having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed
the picture to her parents.

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DIRTY CHRISTMAS:

1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!

4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk,
sister!

6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.

7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs.
calls it)

8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear,
do you?

9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!

10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

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NUDE BEACH:

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The
father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the
water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with
boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and
says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and
says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw
and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
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GOD:

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two
extra things left in his bag of creations. So, he decided to split them
between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had
to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very
handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I
was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability".
Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to! Please,
oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It'd be so great! When
I'm out working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand
there and let it fly! It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the
sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me
stand and pee, oh please!!"

On and on he went, like an excited little boy who..., well,...had to
pee.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly,
that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would
make him happy, and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given
this ability. And so, Adam was given the ability to control the
direction of his micturation while in a vertical position. He was so
happy, he celebrated by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him,
laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.

"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's
left in here?"

"Oh yes," he said, "Multiple orgasms..."
--------------------------------------------------
THE ORIGIN OF SEX:

In the garden of Eden, As everyone Knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without
any clothes. In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's. Nevertheless to say, The wind came along, And blew
the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair. And wonder came, Under Eve's eyes, As Adam's
thing, Started to rise.They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice
big tree, Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came
into her heart.

The head of Adam's thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with
passion, Beyond her control. His thing did slide, And Eve's treasure,
Was all wet inside. The joy was good, She wouldn't let loose, Until
Adam's thing, Was all out of juice
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MOSES MEETS GEORGE W. BUSH:

George W. Bush was out walking when he saw Moses.
"Hey, Moses! STOP!!" he yelled. But Moses walked on, ignoring him. After
a few blocks, Bush caught up with him. "Moses, why didn't you stop and
talk to me?" asked Bush. "Well,"

Moses replied, "the last time I talked to a bush, I wandered the desert
for 40 years."

----------------------------------------------------

Top Ten Items On George W. Bush's To-Do List:

10. Hook up nuclear launch button to The Clapper.
9. Authorize new presidential anthem: "Hail to the Chad."
8. Send message to Wheaties people: "Hey guys, how about it? My face,
your box."
7. Order copy of "Presidents for Dummies."
6. Keep distance from Cheney...don't want to catch heart disease.
5. Start mending fences with Democrats...appoint Gore "Secretary of
Losers."
4. Avoid smoking any cigars left behind by Clinton.
3. Deliver memorable speech at inauguration: "I have a dream...then I
wake up."
2. As soon as possible, have transitional team meet with Martin Sheen.
1. Now that all the bickering is over, gracefully bow out of race
--------------------------------------------------------------

Hillary Clinton's Home Town:

Bill and Hillary Clinton are driving in the country near Hillary's
hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill stops at a gas station. The man
at the gas station comes out and looks into the window.
"Hey, Hillary! We used to date in high school, do you remember me?" he
asks.

They talk merrily for a few minutes. Bill pays, and they leave. As they
drive, Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary.

"You used to date that guy? Just think what life would be if you hadn't
married me," he says. Hillary looks at Bill and says to him,

"Well, I guess you'd be pumping gas and he'd be President
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