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| Topic: Decoding Dating Status | |
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Male verions of decoding:
Hang out - yeah whatever, pretending I don't want sex to hang out long enough to convince you I don't, but 20 minutes and I'm outta there (I hang out with my buddies) Talk/E-mail - yeah right, a few emails trying to pretend I don't wanna talk about sex and slamming Red Bulls to stay awake enough to pretend I'm interested in talk/e-mail (while scanning Sports Illustrated Swinsuit edition, Playboy, Maxim...or surfing porn sites...wow can they DO that?) Long term - oh sure, doesn't everyone, I mean of course I'm serious, but to take it to "that level" I have to make sure we're sexually compatible so.... Other Relationship - (I don't think some men know what this means, either) yadda yadda, call it anything as long as there's naked in there somewhere, I'm IN! Dating - oh now you're talking! Cool, date (number of negotiable) it means we can have sex and then not be interested (a male shopper's dream) Friendship - if it's not Friends with the Benefits, I will only go shopping and hold your purse so long Intimate Encounter - oh yeah...only concerns, noone's armed. Guns don't kill, husbands who come home early...MAY! Acitivty Partner - haha...what's a man's favorite acitivity? Thinking tennis...golf...haha..we play tennis and golf to find women to get laid. Female version of decoding (no revoking my woman card!!) Hang out - spend time going things without referring to sex, saying anything sexual, no touchy, feely...hands to yourself! (Chick flicks required!! Ugh...) Talk/e-mail - talk/e-mail about anything but..well you know what. I can't wait to tell you what my cat did today. You won't believe what my boss said to me!..PFFT Long term - we'll date, you'll propose (something...moving in, possibly but the big M better be in the picture) and yeah not buying the sexually compatible thing...haha Other Relationship - (women don't know what this means either) so we'll have to ask, better a good answer or delete/block Dating - woohoo getting dressed up (you better too) and going out. Hugs/kisses okay, don't expect us to "give it up"..haha you men are silly Friendship - means just friends. FWBs, dream on! Intimate Encounter - as if. Has to be a married woman that for some reason doesn't have a pool/yard guy. Or husband has the awful habit of showing up unexpectedly. Acitivty Partner - what are most women's favorite activity? Shopping (ugh..) well apparently. Someone has to hold "stuff" so we can shop. What other activities could anyone have in mind? (I'd rather be home watching football...but don't mind ME..I'm an engima) Profile cliches: Not into games - can't understand the directions to "Candyland" but still owns it. Video game controllers are mystical and frustrating, can't even play solitare unless it's with someone else. Drama free - user doesn't understand the phrase just copied it from someone else's profile. For those who know what it means, like "nice guy" they're saying that to try to shield the fact that they're more into drama than the starts of "Days of Our Lives", and consider soap operas dull as compared to what happened to THEM today. Down to earth - likes to swill cheap alcohol so often they usually wake up face down on the floor. Easy going - so unexcitable barely has a pulse. People continually are sticking mirrors under their nose to make sure they're breathing. Loves to laugh - just under the legal limit of insanity, only "get" their own jokes, and considers "bathroom humor" highbrow. Laid back - (see easy going) so unmotivated can barely get up to go to work or the refrigerator. Will be happy when they can retire and spend the rest of their life in their Lazy Boy with a cooler and the remote. Self sufficient - because they're living in their parents' basement (again) they can pay their bar tab and eat off the dollar menu at McDonald's off their successful paper route. Educated - saved up the $12.95 to graduate from the Sally Struthers Correspondence Course in Resume Writing. Or saved $10 and just went to Office Depot, bought vellum paper and printed their own certificate. Self employed - (see laid back) can support their lifestyle with a paper route. Active lifestyle - walks to the end of the driveway everyday to retrieve the newspaper. Hopeless romantic - saved every Valentine from elementary school, female - still does a heart over every "I" male - know I have candles and matches around here...somewhere. Bad boy - still thinks the Fonz is "cool" has the leather jacket and tight jeans, but between the manboobs and beer belly, neither actually fits. Or the rapper wannabe who still wears their ballcaps backwards at 35 or older and likes to say "yo" or "dawg". (side comment: Randy Jackson and American Idol have further promoted the image of thinking this works....yo, dawg, man I'm so down with that...UGH) Likes to cuddle - (sorry guys, but this is usually on a male profile...) has worn the fuzz of his first teddy bear, isn't tactile, just wants to get his hands on you and all over you. Whether you like it or not, particularly on a first date, meet...this is why women prefer to meet for coffee at least there's a table in between and hot liquids involved, and if need be, either glass or ceramic items within arm's reach. Adventurous………………Slept with everyone. Athletic………………………Small breasts. Average looking……Moooo. Beautiful……………………Pathological liar. Emotionally Secure...On medication. Feminist………………………Over weight. Free Spirit………………Junkie. Friendship first…Former Slut. New-Age……………………….Body hair in the wrong places. Old-fashioned…………No oral. Open-minded………………Desperate. Outgoing………………………Loud and embarrassing. Voluptuous…………………Over weight. Large frame………………Over weight. Wants soul mate……….....……Stalker. Independent Thinker ...Crazy. High-Spirited ...Crazy, hyperactive, and throws things. Free-Spirited ...Crazy and irresponsible. Ample ...........Large. Huggable ........Large. Dynamic .........Pushy. Assertive .......Pushy with a mean streak. Excited About Life’s Journey ....No concept of reality. Moody ...........Manic-depressive. Unpredictable ...Manic-depressive and off medication. Soulful ....Manic-depressive and quiet. Poetic .....Manic-depressive and boring. Looking for Mr Right......Looking for Mr Rich. Very Human ...Quasimodo. Uninhibited ..Lacking basic social skills. Irreverent ...Mean and lacking basic social skills. Aging Child ......Self-centered adult. Freedom-loving ...Undependable. Young at Heart ...Over 50. Youthful ..Over 50 and in major denial. Chatty ....Never shuts up. Humorous ..Watches too much TV and never shuts up. Financially secure.......Has a job. Affectionate ....Horny. Romantic ........Horny. Passionate ......REALLY horny.  
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Most epic!
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Wow!!! This is ON TARGET!!! I want "Friends First" now AND I used to be a slut!!!
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