I'm a single dad and I've come across a certain situation a couple times.
I've gone out with a couple single moms who initially find it very attractive that I'm a single dad, But when they realize that my children are my main focus and that, Although I am kind and accepting of their children, I've got enough on my own plate, They want more.
I'm not saying this is the case with all single moms. It's just my experience.
I guess my point is...
It's tough all over.

Again, i believe this depends on the person. Some single dads, i know of one, who could care less what his children have been doing, are doing and are going to do.

I agree. And I've learned from dating a guy in my past not to even bother with those type of guys. Cause if they could care less about their own children, how do you expect them to care about yours?

I refuse to date a guy who doesn't know where his kids are (cause if he truly wanted to find them he could) or who doesn't keep in contact with his children (by his choice not theirs) because like I said, if he doesn't love his own child/children enough to keep in contact with them (in any way) then I wouldn't expect him to care about mine either.

I may have come into this at an odd time, but why do the kids have to be young? What does that have to do w/the adults?

[quotif th kids are very young,,it's possible,,e]
I may have come into this at an odd time, but why do the kids have to be young? What does that have to do w/the adults?

I tend to stick to single dads, they have a better understanding of what I go through. My life is devoted to raising my son, since he has special needs and doesn't talk yet at age 8, I have to be careful who is around my son. I also don't date men who don't see their kids, my son never sees his father and its by his own choice. There are always certain circumstances. I had one guy tell me that he wasn't prepared to raise another man's child, but that was almost a year into our relationship. Didn't make a whole lot of sense to me so I gave him the boot. Being patient is the hardest part, we all want that special someone in our life and its frustrating waiting around for him to show up.

Well since the threat of being abused is just as great by a family memeber as a stranger I would try to lighten up on the fear factor.

Even young children can tell you if someone is touching them in the swimsuit area. Start educateing your child young and often about htier right to privacy and boundries of their own bodies. Who ever doesn't play by the rules it is One strike and they are out of the "game". The majority of kids who are molested do report to parents and or siblings so pay attention if they tell you someone is making them feel creepy. Some kids do lie but it is VERY VERY RARE. Even if a child lies it is critical to your relationship that you "Believe" them and act on their reports.

Do your home work and check out at guys background before you bring him around your kids. For a few bucks you can get a lot of info at numerous sites. Calling your local police department or visiting your local library will help you access this information. No file doesn't make a guy home free it just probably means he is operateing under a bogus name. If anything he tells you doesn't jive with what you have found ditch him. Any guy who isn't willing to give you a social security number and let you check him against having a police record before you bring him into your family home deserves to be ditched. If a guy can't account for his time, has moved frequently, or consistently lived with a woman with children or older women in his family but all have dumped him you can bet there is a reason. Guys that buy your kids gifts and want alone time to soon or too often are guys I would avoid. Also guys who have porn, travel to sex destinations, and or have a history of substanially younger room mates would be a red herring in my book.

EVERYONE Keep in mind it is not just guys who will molest your child. Women can and do molest children. Includeing women who have heterosexual interests in men. Molesting children is not only for a perverted sexual pleasure but as much as it is a domanence and hatred of children and a crime of violence.

I would highly recommend not only checking out the men in your life but their adolecent and pre-adolecent children. If a child has been bounced back and forth between parents and grandparents there is generally a reason and it is usually not one that you will be able to get records on. Most incarcerated sex offenders start at a pre- adolecent age and have a history of abuse of animals and siblings. A teen who has no contact or a extreamly dominant relationship of a sibling would not be a welcome addition in my books.

when you find one let me know where you found him maybe there will be another... my bf of 10 mos steady but known him for years...just broke up with me because as he told me>> he cant handle my kids!...i have a 16 yr old son and 5 1/2 yr old twin boys, ive been divorced for 2 yrs.

Ahhh, Lmstwins, it happens. He was not good enough for you and your boys.

I've dated men with and without children. Current beau does not have kids and is okay knowing that I am not having any more.

Just keep swimming!

I would like to point out another side of the story. As a single dad, I have been searching for someone to share my life with. I once was talking to a lady I was interested in. One day I happened to overhear her talking to another friend that one man she was seeing "...doesn't have kids so my kids get all the attention..." I was not happy with this attitude and told her so. If I were to someday find someone I believe that both parties should treat all kids involved with love and respect and share both attention and discipline with them, no matter how many kids are involved.

If a man doesn't accept you because you have children, you need to look for another man! Your children should be your priority. There are men out there who accept the "whole package". Don't settle for anything less.

Places to Find Good Mates When You Have Kids
THE WORK PLACE
Sounds ridiculous but you would be surprised how many people waste valuable time dateing people who are unemployed. This applies to ladies guys. If she isn't a lotto winner someone is paying the bills and you have to cope with them being in your relationship.

If a person hasn't held a job at least a year keep looking they are in training for being responsible but not there yet. Sounds harsh? So is not being able to support your kids.

Look for an employer that drug tests. Not just to get the job but randomly. Folks who know they have to dodge this bullet tend to not be in the pool and gives you at least a little peace of mind that one problem is less likely.

Look for a person with a job that requires a driver's license. There are rare legit exceptions that there is a medical reason the person can't drive but you want to rule out the habitual DUI driver. Also someone who can't get a driver's license is probably not a citizen.

While it is career suicide to mix work with romance you can look at people who work in other divisions, franchises, and so forth. You know the kind of people your company hires and your co-workers can sometimes be a character reference. Listen to the grape vine and see who is in good standing where you work. Go to company functions and get to know lateral people. If your company puts on job fairs or does charity work this is a great place to meet people with a "good attitude".

YOUR PLACE OF WORSHIP

You do not have to be a hugely religious person to attend church or church functions. They have community fairs, fund raisers, and great flea markets.

Put the kiddies in a church day care. Often they have scholarship programs and can save you time because they make a point of diricting you to resources. When you are at church actually try leaving them in the nurshery or sunday school and talking to people. You are much less intimidateing to talk to with the kids not interrrupting or listening and friendships build.

Many places of worship have classes that are just for parents, singles, and career enhancement, or even money management. This is an opportunity to maybe cross faith lines or visit a sister denomination without abandoning your church home or making a membership commitment.

Attend church sponsored activities. Summer camp is excellent and the people you meet you actually get to know more than hello good bye. It is usually much more affordable and inter faith campgrounds are usually models of accessibility. Parent's with Special needs kid's will definately find peers. Those peers even if they are not exactly the right age frame can speak well of you and introduce you to others.

Last but not least don't just attend local functions; volunteer to go to regional,state, and national functions. You might be surprised who you would meet maybe a fellow Mingler.

Look in church publications. Many church publications feature articals about congregants. See someone you like a polite "Hello, I am ....you seem so nice. I admire your... my email is...". Or ask a mutual church aquaintance for and introduction.

YOUR LOCAL SCHOOLS

People who are going somewhere in life value education. With classes on everything from How to be a rock star agent to brain surgery you can find something to learn. You will meet a ton of people if you just make the effort.

Being on campus for activities is at least a venue for contact with people. The mean age at community college is 34 so it is not all teeny boppers. A school alumnis is just the trick for someone who is mature.

Actually this is one exception to the employed rule but most students are actually employed some of them actually full time. DOn't be daunted a busy person knows how to set priorities. Your wonderful you could be one.

It is a cheap place to exercise and check them out in their own wardrobe. Well maybe not on game day but so what's wrong with a little school spirit. Shows a sense of community, devotion and loyalty.

YOUR LOCAL COMMUNIY HEALTH CENTER

All of us have visons of Doc's Dreamy but the reality is medical employees are usually nurtureing people at some level and picked a direction and started moving toward it. Having goals is not mutually exclusive of also wanting a normal healthy family to go home to. Often shift workers their hours may have stunted their social options. FInd them in their environment.

The Hospital cafteria is a good place to start. It may or may not expose you to senior staff but at least in a lunch break you can see and be seen. If it is close to your work place; fess up it is good healthy food cheap.

Take a health education class. Some people actually manage their health issues and carry that progressive thinking into other areas of their lives.

Go to a peer health issue support group. Do you really care if someone is diabetic, hypertensive, has arthritis, or any number of health issues if they are a quality person. If they are addressing maybe the same health issue you have you automatically skip over that awkward conversation. Contrary to popular myth some support groups are funny, friendly, and up beat. It is a great way to develope lasting friendships. Don't kid yourself you don't have to tell people you met at a hemrroid support group if you are out having coffee after class. The point is being out with friends makes you a fun social person. Nothing more allureing.

Volunteer. You know we are not talking 40 hours a week. Some people voluneer in established programs as little as four hours a month. Many hospitals give breaks on onsite daycare to volunteers.

LOCAL VFW/AMERICAN LEGION/Paralyzed Veteran's

Almost everybody is related to a vet one way or another. Auxillery's are grateful for younger people to help in a mirade of events and activiities.

These people parade. What a great way to get out in the community and meet people. A friendly smile is all you need.

Many of these groups do special activities in Veteran's hospitals and or National Guard Armory's. Dances, concert's, and special picnics or cook offs. Hey how cool would it be to play a little Bingo for a good cause.

They can refer you to the USO and another good opportunity to meet dynamic fun people in and serving service members.

Again most of these facilites are accessible and love kids. Many have special holiday programs for parent's needing a little boost.

LOCAL PARK's AND RECREATION CENTER's

There are tons of fun affordable things to do at these centers from health fairs, to sports, to holiday activities. to classes. Many are people who are in the same economic squeeze you are and many are single parent's. Scolarships do exist if money is an obstical.

Staff at these facilities are more an more frequently screened and trained to be around children. Especially special need's children.

Many of these places have meal or food programs that can really help tight budgets. Don't be shy about getting this help because it is how our country trys to help struggleing parents. Food is the universal gift of love...feel your communities love and pride in you for not giving up.

It is a perfect place to have a picnic. Get real even a peanut butter sandwhich in the park will put a smile on a kid's face and it won't make a dent in the grocery budget the size of truck.

It is a great place to learn to swim; a basic social skill and maybe a life saving one among other's offered through this system.

Park's and Recreation staff can also be your ally in encourageing your child to respect and socialize with you and other adults in a positive manner. Many have profession child guidance and parenting experience. Not a bad skill for a potenial partner.

FAMILY ACTIVITIES

While you may not want to date your third cousin the fact that your family likes you or at least tolerates you is a powerful social recomendation.
Most family activiites are not "strictly" family and friends that get along with your family half the battle is won.

If you talk to people at a wedding or a funerals I guarantee they will remember you. You do not have to ply for a date but if you go and are pleasantly memorable it makes you ten times easier to talk to in the grocery store or some other place.

Show up to help move. Have you ever noticed this is where you really find out who your friends are? Someone that is a friend and helps your family member is often someone who has empathy and loyalty and will be a good mate. It says the same about you.

Help plan or Go to Baby shower's, baptism's, and communion's and so forth. You have kid's and most of the people who attend these thing's have kid's. It is a good place to meet peers. Yea you will have to glad hand with Aunt Tilly but do you know how many small bussinessmen/women abound at these things? Ask for a business card and you just might find a your next mate's phone number in your hand.

HAPPY HUNTING