Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: long distance relationship
Jules0565 Joined Fri 06/06/08 Posts: 4485	Mon 08/04/08 07:54 AM
I would wonder what the ex's motives were to contact you and feel she needed to tell you all of this? Sounds to me like she still had an interest in him and/or they had only broken up for a short time.. I've personally never contacted any of my ex's gf's..the way I see it, they'll figure out for themselves.. If not then they were meant to be. lol The ex met him on another site, and a friend of hers told her we'd broken up, as I announced it on this site. Oh, I forgot to mention he took money from me as well, under false pretenses. She contacted me to warn me, to heal with me, to find closure. It was complicated but I'm glad she did. We are great friends. Who knows where he is, and I really don't care. Agreed, sounds like you made a wise choice.

kojack Joined Mon 12/25/06 Posts: 16382	Mon 08/04/08 07:55 AM
They do work as long as both make an effort. I was in one for 4 years.

Unknow Joined Mon 11/05/07 Posts: 64077	Mon 08/04/08 08:00 AM
They do work as long as both make an effort. I was in one for 4 years. I was in one for 3 years. nodding

Gianni18 Joined Tue 07/22/08 Posts: 724	Mon 08/04/08 08:00 AM
Fiesty~ Very good point! I was in an LDR recently and he said, after his first visit, that we'd see each other once a month or every other month. We never saw each other again. He worked only enough to keep his rent paid and often donated plasma to buy cigarettes. He said he was going to move here to be with me and I found out not only could he not move as he had no valid driver's license, he had a warrant for his arrest for failing to pay court costs and fines for a DUI I didn't even know he had! In fact, he said he was in recovery for over ten years. He said he was looking for jobs here, but the day I broke it off I found out he was doing no such thing. I broke up with him before I knew any of this.... all I knew is that his talk did not match his walk. He talked like a Baptist minister (reference meaning they are passionate and inspirational) but walked like a three legged rat. God bless his ex, who contacted me after we broke up and told me all this. Be very, very, very wary of what seems too good to be true. 99% of the time it probably is. Something similar happened to me. My mistake was that I wasn't vigilant enough. I was being very transparent and she would always agree with any views I had and she seemed like she was always on the same page as me. I was too gullable to know that she was clearly lying about everything. So my advice to you lostlove11 is: Be vigilant and try to learn about him as much as he learns about you. Just as Lilith said, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

RedHen Joined Sun 08/03/08 Posts: 24	Mon 08/04/08 09:39 AM
Sorry so many had bad experiences. I married my LDR, and he was the love of my life. He died in 2005, after only five years together. But I'd rather have had those five years with him than a lifetime with someone else. Because I had grown kids and was beginning to get grandkids, I didn't want to move to where he was -- he had to come to me. Which meant dealing with immigration, legal residency, etc. Which is expensive, and a pain, but was so worth it. He was everything I could ever have wanted. Kind of makes me wonder what I'm doing here, because I don't know if anyone else could ever take the place of my LDR. I'd like to give a new fella the chance to try, though.

tanyaann Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 32220	Mon 08/04/08 09:46 AM
Sorry so many had bad experiences. I married my LDR, and he was the love of my life. He died in 2005, after only five years together. But I'd rather have had those five years with him than a lifetime with someone else. Because I had grown kids and was beginning to get grandkids, I didn't want to move to where he was -- he had to come to me. Which meant dealing with immigration, legal residency, etc. Which is expensive, and a pain, but was so worth it. He was everything I could ever have wanted. Kind of makes me wonder what I'm doing here, because I don't know if anyone else could ever take the place of my LDR. I'd like to give a new fella the chance to try, though. Kudosto you RedHen!

ricg Joined Thu 06/05/08 Posts: 307	Mon 08/04/08 09:49 AM
Constant communication! You hit the nail on the head!

nurjoyce Joined Thu 01/04/07 Posts: 10283	Mon 08/04/08 09:50 AM
THEY DONT WORK. i agree...

ricg Joined Thu 06/05/08 Posts: 307	Mon 08/04/08 09:54 AM
THEY DONT WORK. i agree... It only works if you want to work.soooo...they just havent worked for you.

nurjoyce Joined Thu 01/04/07 Posts: 10283	Mon 08/04/08 09:57 AM
THEY DONT WORK. i agree... It only works if you want to work.soooo...they just havent worked for you. just my opinion.... esp if you do not know each other

alicat4213 Joined Thu 11/15/07 Posts: 9079	Mon 08/04/08 09:58 AM
Just be very patient have constant communication and you have to have a lot of trust in the other party.

Boozer01 Joined Wed 06/20/07 Posts: 332	Mon 08/04/08 07:23 PM Edited by Boozer01 on Mon 08/04/08 07:25 PM
I'm in a LDR right now w/ a woman on another site....problem is, she wants to flirt like she's NOT w/ anyone right out where I can see it....then, when I confront her about it, she plays it off like nothing's wrong. Am i w/ the wrong person, or are LDR's not even worth it?