I have two(girls) and I am going through a rough time. I have had serious problems, one recently tried to commit suicide and the other is just disrespectful and out of control. We are all in counseling right now, but things have gotten so out of control, I sent them to live with their Dad for the rest of the summer. He is in a very toxic relationship with his wife. His life is chaotic and out of control. I know that you may think I'm nuts for sending them there, but I felt like I was going to have a breakdown. I'm tired of doing everything by myself. My girls treat me like crap! I got both of my girls phones for their own protection and instead they have used it to verbally abuse me and hurt me. I have since shut the phones off. They tell me that they hate me and said that I was a selfish woman. This all started because I saw one of the very popular sites that all the kids are on, and the pictures they posted and the language they used was inappropriate. They have verbally attacked me, and it hurts. Now I'm just plain angry. Their Dad has never done anything for them and they glorify him. I'm seriously thinking about telling him to keep them & I will pay child support (something he recently started to do). I think this has come to bite me in the butt, I was a foster child my whole life, I never had a "real" family, have been on my own since the age of 16. I wanted them to have everything that I never did; perhaps I gave too much? Should I let them stay w/their Dad? Has anyone else experienced something similar? The one who tried to commit suicide (11 yr. old) did this because she felt unworthy of herself, said she was depressed. She was in the hospital for a week, then I signed her up for counseling, now she is treating me like crap and acting like her 13 yr. sister. I got rid of my alcoholic husband, because I thought that would help, I even asked them if they wanted me to bring him back home; they told me no. What am I doing wrong?? I feel like they really hate me, they say if you keep saying something repeatedly, that you are speaking from the heart.

Keep doing what you are doing and you did the right thing to leave i am in the same boat. We must be the example for our girls to know what real love is like. Alcoholism runs in the family and if you can get the depression solved you may not have to worry but it takes time and understanding. Maybe even go to alanon and have your girls go to alateen... it will get better.

Maybe after some time at thier fathers, they might appreciate you a little more.

My son and I have a really good relationship, it has been just him and I for most of his life. But he too at times is a little disrespectful.

I think that my guilt of giving him a bad dad and a wrong step father, has made me allow more than I should have and it bites me in the ass from time to time...

dont let them back until they can treat you with respect and follow your rules!!!

there a hug

It is unfortuneatly just a part of their rebellion and sometimes they take it to the extreme...I raised 5 on my own...there father never for 1 day or 1 penny contributed...single parents have the toughest jobs. Don't worry...it will ease up, may not be as quickly as you wish...but the minute their father begins to deny them things they want...they will want to come back...let them know you are okay with them staying with him but you are there if they ever want to return home...it will happen...but it will have to be in their time...but make sure it is on your terms...counseling is a wonderful tool...I wish you the best of luck...and mine may not be the best advice...but rather a thought from my own experience

Did not know about alateen; I will look into it. Thanx

I'm hoping that they will appreciate me more. He is always the good guy. He is now taking them to Miami. So he is the hero, but he only sees them once every few months. So maybe they will see, I'm praying for that.

AHHH, backatcha thx

If they stay with him long enough for the "newness" to wear off and see his "true colors" thats when they will start to appreciate you.

Wow 5 kids, and your still here? I can't begin to imagine. Thank you for the advice.

you're welcome...it works!!!!!! I got my first hug in like amillion years...my mom died and sometimes I feel like I have no one. My dad is far away and bi polar anyways when i went there it was like the family i never had or always had there was such a warm welcome and you know you are not alone because the things they talk about are like what was on my mind all along and they give you solid skills to adjust during this time...


one day at a time.

I hope so. I have a 22 year old son who is a God send!! He will graduate w/a bachelors next summer. Why couldn't they be like him?

yep all grown and now blessing me with grandbabies....5 so far and 3 kids still to have kids...what a blessing they are....everyone my hero in their own way

I personally would remove the children from their father's home if his home is chaotic and out of control..that'll just make the girl go even deeper. I have raised 2 boys, whom at one time were very disrespectful..did everything they could to get into trouble, didn't listen and their dad had never done anything with them either, they told me they hated me, I was mean..the typical teenager stuff when they don't get their way. The kids need discipline.. you were right for taking their phones away, My ex was always trying to be their "best friend" NOT the parent.. sorry, but kids have enough friends, and even some of those I've had to take away..the one's that my children had gotten into trouble with. You need to place the rules down, stand firm, don't give in.. they seriously will appreciate this later. My oldest was the one that had given me the hardest time..and once he turned 19/20..he actually apologized to me one day for making it so hard on me growing up. When they would tell me they hated me, it was always because they either didn't get what they wanted or didn't get their way.. I would just reply "I love you and someday you'll know why I'm doing this". Get those girls back, continue with counseling, lay the laws down and take away anything that is a bad influence in their lives. Good luck to you

I'm so sorry about your Mom & Dad. I have a few good friends that are my family. I always wanted to know what is was like to call someone mom or dad, sometimes people don't realize what they have until it's gone; maybe my girls will realize. Like you said, I will take it one day at a time.

very true....otherwise he would break their heart but let them just see him like maybe four hours a day.... not sure about the trip...i would be scared but set limits lots and lots of them

I guess I got my answer, I gave up too easily. I was thinking of taking them back at the end of the summer. I'm just confused. So this is typical behavior?? Yes, I did take away the phones and I also bought software to block all of the popular sites the kids go on. About a month ago my 13 year old did not get her own way and ran away; I'm afraid that she will do it again. There are so many creeps out there and I have made both of my girls aware of that, and still she left! I am going to lay the rules down when they come back. I'm glad you had a good ending with your son. How long does this TWEEN stuff last??

i hope the tween and teen stuff hurries haha mine is a beautifull lovely potty mouthed 14 year old i luv her....

just dont be afraid to be a bi atch firm but gentle stick your foot down write everything down your laws call it...

YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!! THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE!! I WILL KEEP PRAYING AND TRYING TO BE A GOOD MOM, MAYBE SOMEDAY IT WILL BE RECIPROCATED!

it is the everyday miricals to remember...
the smiles the hugs the hi moms the knowing they are not on the streets knowing you did it and are going to be ok forever...be the mom you always wanted and it is in the firmness that they will love you more and know you care