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Topic: Trust
Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Sat 08/02/08 06:43 AM
should be earned and not given. Do you agree or disagree? Personally, I believe the former. I've given trust in the past only to be burned every time.

plk1966 Joined Fri 03/21/08 Posts: 31042	Sat 08/02/08 06:45 AM
There is a certain level of trust that you always give but for the most part trust is something that must be earned.

Jules0565 Joined Fri 06/06/08 Posts: 4485	Sat 08/02/08 06:47 AM
I agree totally. But it's hard for me..I've always given my 100% trust upfront until they gave me doubt/reasons otherwise. This hasn't worked out too well in my past relationships, I too got burned.

sparkleplenty424 Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 463	Sat 08/02/08 06:47 AM
If you are trusting people before you know anything about them, then you are probably setting yourself up to be burned. It takes time to get to know people, to find out what they are about and what their agenda is.

bgeorge Joined Fri 09/14/07 Posts: 7850	Sat 08/02/08 06:49 AM
should be earned and not given. Do you agree or disagree? Personally, I believe the former. I've given trust in the past only to be burned every time. maybe a bit of both, all i know is w/out trust there is no relationship ...

constancewrites Joined Tue 07/22/08 Posts: 21	Sat 08/02/08 06:50 AM
I've been cheated on by all but one of many exes. My ex husband added beating to that as well. Yet... I find it absurd how many people let bad experiences make them shut themselves off, not trusting, not loving, not letting things flow anymore. Sure, the deepest trust has to be earned. However, there has to be just a little trust and independence from the get go, or most people aren't going to be very happy in the relationship. Don't let yourself be broken by the past. Sure, it was bad, sure, you dated some bad seeds. If you assume that every woman will be the same, or every man... you'll push them right away. Who wants to be compared constantly to the nasty ex? I sure as heck don't. Nah, trust isn't as simple, or black and white. You give a little, then you build on it as you go. But you have to give that little bit. There has to be a foundation, I think.

sparkleplenty424 Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 463	Sat 08/02/08 06:51 AM
I've been cheated on by all but one of many exes. My ex husband added beating to that as well. Yet... I find it absurd how many people let bad experiences make them shut themselves off, not trusting, not loving, not letting things flow anymore. Sure, the deepest trust has to be earned. However, there has to be just a little trust and independence from the get go, or most people aren't going to be very happy in the relationship. Don't let yourself be broken by the past. Sure, it was bad, sure, you dated some bad seeds. If you assume that every woman will be the same, or every man... you'll push them right away. Who wants to be compared constantly to the nasty ex? I sure as heck don't. Nah, trust isn't as simple, or black and white. You give a little, then you build on it as you go. But you have to give that little bit. There has to be a foundation, I think. YOu are a wise, wise, woman!

somewhatshy2 Joined Sat 03/29/08 Posts: 1758	Sat 08/02/08 06:52 AM
it is a mixture of both. I usually trust someone until they prove to me I can't.

Unknow Joined Mon 11/05/07 Posts: 64077	Sat 08/02/08 06:52 AM
should be earned and not given. Do you agree or disagree? Personally, I believe the former. I've given trust in the past only to be burned every time. maybe a bit of both, all i know is w/out trust there is no relationship ... I agree.

ElaineSeekingJerry Joined Thu 05/01/08 Posts: 978	Sat 08/02/08 06:54 AM
I've been cheated on by all but one of many exes. My ex husband added beating to that as well. Yet... I find it absurd how many people let bad experiences make them shut themselves off, not trusting, not loving, not letting things flow anymore. Sure, the deepest trust has to be earned. However, there has to be just a little trust and independence from the get go, or most people aren't going to be very happy in the relationship. Don't let yourself be broken by the past. Sure, it was bad, sure, you dated some bad seeds. If you assume that every woman will be the same, or every man... you'll push them right away. Who wants to be compared constantly to the nasty ex? I sure as heck don't. Nah, trust isn't as simple, or black and white. You give a little, then you build on it as you go. But you have to give that little bit. There has to be a foundation, I think. YOu are a wise, wise, woman! I second that ... very mature (and inspirational) outlook - welcome to the forums!

feralcatlady Joined Mon 10/08/07 Posts: 35491	Sat 08/02/08 06:54 AM
Trust just is until you give the person reason to believe that they can't trust anymore. Then and only then would it have to be a matter of earning that trust back......

heathersaysgobucks Joined Sun 01/06/08 Posts: 5306	Sat 08/02/08 06:55 AM
I've been cheated on by all but one of many exes. My ex husband added beating to that as well. Yet... I find it absurd how many people let bad experiences make them shut themselves off, not trusting, not loving, not letting things flow anymore. Sure, the deepest trust has to be earned. However, there has to be just a little trust and independence from the get go, or most people aren't going to be very happy in the relationship. Don't let yourself be broken by the past. Sure, it was bad, sure, you dated some bad seeds. If you assume that every woman will be the same, or every man... you'll push them right away. Who wants to be compared constantly to the nasty ex? I sure as heck don't. Nah, trust isn't as simple, or black and white. You give a little, then you build on it as you go. But you have to give that little bit. There has to be a foundation, I think. Hi Constance....imagine meeting you here......lol. Hope you are well!

Jules0565 Joined Fri 06/06/08 Posts: 4485	Sat 08/02/08 06:57 AM
I've been cheated on by all but one of many exes. My ex husband added beating to that as well. Yet... I find it absurd how many people let bad experiences make them shut themselves off, not trusting, not loving, not letting things flow anymore. Sure, the deepest trust has to be earned. However, there has to be just a little trust and independence from the get go, or most people aren't going to be very happy in the relationship. Don't let yourself be broken by the past. Sure, it was bad, sure, you dated some bad seeds. If you assume that every woman will be the same, or every man... you'll push them right away. Who wants to be compared constantly to the nasty ex? I sure as heck don't. Nah, trust isn't as simple, or black and white. You give a little, then you build on it as you go. But you have to give that little bit. There has to be a foundation, I think. Agreed I don't or wouldn't compare a future mate to my ex's at all.. I know everyone is different.. I'm just stating that I don't give as "much" trust upfront anymore, they have to earn/build some. But rather or not people want to be honest with themselves, you are always hesitant on some things or look out for some warning signs due to your past experiences.

MisKim323 Joined Sat 06/28/08 Posts: 14563	Sat 08/02/08 06:58 AM
I trust untill given reason not to

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Sat 08/02/08 06:58 AM
Jules, I sent you mail last night. Did you ever get it?

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Sat 08/02/08 06:59 AM
I trust untill given reason not to I agree to a certain extent in theory. Giving trust works best when you are dealing with a local person. What of a site like this where people are sharing feelings and details of their lives to words on a page or a voice on the phone?

Jules0565 Joined Fri 06/06/08 Posts: 4485	Sat 08/02/08 06:59 AM
Jules, I sent you mail last night. Did you ever get it? No, I sure didn't!! hmm.. wonder why??? I like mail! Try to resend?

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Sat 08/02/08 07:02 AM
Jules, I sent you mail last night. Did you ever get it? No, I sure didn't!! hmm.. wonder why??? I like mail! Try to resend? Done

sparkleplenty424 Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 463	Sat 08/02/08 07:02 AM
I trust untill given reason not to I agree to a certain extent in theory. Giving trust works best when you are dealing with a local person. What of a site like this where people are sharing feelings and details of their lives to words on a page or a voice on the phone? I know I have always had a problem with hearing what I want to hear instead of what the person is really saying. Then I jump to the wrong conclusions, and it can get messy. I have had to learn to practice hearing what they are actually saying and not what I wish they were saying. It's very difficult to do that in this venue. We add so much of our own expectation to every encounter.

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Sat 08/02/08 07:03 AM
I trust untill given reason not to I agree to a certain extent in theory. Giving trust works best when you are dealing with a local person. What of a site like this where people are sharing feelings and details of their lives to words on a page or a voice on the phone? I know I have always had a problem with hearing what I want to hear instead of what the person is really saying. Then I jump to the wrong conclusions, and it can get messy. I have had to learn to practice hearing what they are actually saying and not what I wish they were saying. It's very difficult to do that in this venue. We add so much of our own expectation to every encounter.