How many times have you told someone what they needed to do, so you can get along, and they didnt hear you until you ended whatever relationship you had

Just one time.

I guess I really never told anyone what they need to do in order to continue a realtionship, I consider that they are an adult and telling them will not change circumstances...maybe that's what I did wrong

never

Its a coin toss

Sounds familiar. I told my ex husband that he needed to quit gambling and drinking using up all our money but wouldn't listen. We are now divorced and I have a car, house, money, and two wonderful kids and he has nothing. He rents a room from a buddy and has to borrow a vehicle to get around cause he lost everything. (BTW no I did not take anything from him)

Nah, it's not a coin toss. Sure, I'm single again, so maybe I'm no expert, but it seems to me the best relationships are built with honesty, and open communication... which means telling someone if something is wrong. Sure, there is a thing such as "Really really wrong!!" like infidelity, drug abuse, etc. Other than that? Most things can be worked through, if you try instead of clamming up and skipping out. If you tried and they didn't hear you... at least you tried. That would be their loss.
As for people who act different when you end things... yeah... happened to me recently too. Just remember that desperate people don't always show their true selves to you. Some people just can't handle being dumped.
Good luck to you, and I hope that doesn't happen to you again.

if you have to tell someone how to change to save a relationship, you're in the wrong one to begin with.

Who would blame you if you did. You have children

too many times.

Ditto.

and she's one tough cookie..... shoulda listened to her..