No, I mean let it be a therapist she chooses and not one you had a prior relationship with in any way. You said the therapist before was one you were seeing first, so she might have felt there was a bias against her to start with. You never know.

Makes sense?

If she is hormonal, she is reacting emotionally. You have to go around that for now as best you can, to know you did everything you could.

Yeah....makes good sense......I've tried to talk to her about all that stuff....I can't get her to do anything.......and every other word out of her mouth during an argument for the last 2 or 3 years of the relationship was "divorce"....

My suggestion? Call a mediator from Domestic Relations/Family Court. See if she'll meet with you there.

honestly hanging around her is giving her hope to get back together.. and being on here for "looking for someone for marriage" when in fact some dont beleive that 'seperation' is still hanging out with your wife, even if it is on her terms when you hang out. really you shouuld be on here for friends and getting insight on your own feelings..cause they seem to be mixed..... and nothing like two people seeing two totally different outlooks on things and being called a liar ! I know where you are coming from there..thats pretty unforgiveable.i hope things get better for you

Yes, I totally agree with Buttons... if you are here for ANYTHING other than friendship that is just unfair to your wife, to you, and to all the potential women you might meet.

again i dont think this is just hormonal. some of it is but not deep stemmed.time to take a real break i think... for both to do some thought processing since she wont do counseling

when women are having issues <not good ones> with the relationship they are in.. its unbeleivable how they can lose all sex drive..unlike a man..ive lost sex drive a couple of times scared the hello outta me .. but when things either got better with that person, or if i left them gave it time and moved on to someone else that things were good with. it all came back!! lots of women are this way from what i heard

I agree completely!!!! Sorry about my misintrepretation of the way people read things. I strongly believe in and enjoy being married to the right person. I thought SHE was, but she changed so drastically and refused to try to understand and deal with it that I had to let it go......I feel that people should be friends first and anyone I would consider marrying WOULD be that first. So rather than just seeking that first step, I put my ulitmate goal as why I am here. Thanks for the advice and I'll change that aspect immediately!!!!

You are still married. You are not even separated. If your ultimate goal is to marry someone else, why are you asking for marital advice?

I am confused.

you seem like a honest guy that can communicate well to me... im sure that when the time comes you will find the right person for you and that both of you will be lucky to have each other...sorry that your marriage didnt go well.. just remember that you are important too that both people in a relationship should be important. and that no one is right all the time and someone that can admit that they are wrong some of the time there is a problem there cause no one is right all the time!!

Still married yes....as I stated before......it's the laws here.

Separated.....yes.......but she still comes around every now and then......we have 2 little girls together....

I am mostly trying to understand her.....and maybe try to find a way for her to get help......

I've had enough....and there's too much water under the bridge....I'm moving on.....

but you cant help her she has to help herself..... time to use your energys on you.... YOU are important..and so are your kids.. think id just get the kids and not aknowledge her feelings but awknowledge your own...

I had a hysterectomy at age 24 yrs old due to medical problems. They did not take my tubes or ovaries so I did NOT go through Medical menapause. I do not know how long you can be on hormones, but maybe she should go back on them or talk to her doctor? Not sure what to tell you!

Hormones have long lasting, life threatening side effects. This is a complicated medical issue.

[but you cant help her she has to help herself..... time to use your energys on you.... YOU are important..and so are your kids.. think id just get the kids and not aknowledge her feelings but awknowledge your own...


You're right......I AM a nice guy....calm pretty much most of the time...very handy in LOTS of things, and a pretty good prize catch for someone..LOL....((no brag, just fact)LMAO)...I'm grateful for all the conversation and advice....I've been wondering if I have done the right thing by leaving....it sure feels good to not be around the constant drama though!!!!

im curious... you dont have to answer.. whats the longest you have been away from her i mean not seen her or talked to her at all?

6 weeks over the last 12 years.

u went 6 weeks without seeing or talking to her? includes talking on the phone

Yep......but she knew I was gone and where and why....

most counselors will tell you at least 2 weeks and that is when just dating someone... with the intent of just sorting your feelings out for each other.ya gotta see your kids though.... im sure a marriage they would tell you longer..maybe just to talk about kids only and pick them up and talk of nothing else or listen of nothing else.if she calls tell her you only want to speak of the kids... if she asks you something about you and her as partners remind her you will speak of the kids try it and see what happens to your feelings...