Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Marriage under False Pretenses ?
littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 02:17 PM
I would suggest talking to their Pastor if they go to church. If not, marriage counseling is always a good option. There are ways to get around the kids issue, however there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed. I would not suggest a divorce. That should ALWAYS be the last resort. I am divorced and was willing to talk to the Pastor and/or get marriage counseling, my ex, the deceiver, was not interested in either. Which at that point a divorce was necessary. Please don't disregard the sacred vows of marriage. you mean the vows she tricked him into??? That she's not taking so sacred? What if he had not wanted to get married to her and make those vows if he had known she purposly had surgery to prevent pregnancy? I am sure he didn't marry her just for having children. We don't know EVERYTHING about the situation. Only they do. I am merely saying, that people are so quick to get divorces these days and not work on their problems. Divorce is NOT an easy way out. Staying in the marriage may not be easy either, but counseling in some form is better than just throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble! bravo you are smart woman, i like your answer

izzie Joined Wed 02/21/07 Posts: 31834	Mon 07/28/08 02:25 PM
It seems the women on here are pretty worked up about this, either to one side or the other. Me, I think she has violated his trust, and put a pattern of deception into the relationship. But I'd never even consider a divorce if I got married, I'm old fashioned, I'll mean it when I say "for better or for worse." SO, where does this leave us? I'd tell your cousin to have kids and stay married. Oh he might not be able to have them by his wife, but she's the one that established a pattern of lying, he might as well use it as well. Turn about is fair play, and at least he would somewhat honest (he could always say "I told you I wanted kids). This is how relationships were worked out before the age of "let me get my lawyer." im sorry.. but i must have misread.... did you SEROIUSLY just recomend that they STAY MARRIED... AND that he CHEAT on her!?!?!!?!?!!? and use THIS as the reasoning to knock up some slut who would sleep with a married man?????????? that will DEFINATELY make a healthy situation to bring an INNOCENT CHILD into!!!!!!!!!!!

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 02:27 PM
My cousin and his wife have been married for the past 2 years. Recently she told him that it's not going to be possible to have children, and that several years before meeting him she had a surgery to prevent pregancy. She knew he wanted kids, and kept this from him. Should he be considering a divorce, are trying to find a way to put this behind them ? in my opinion everyone gets a divorce now days as a easy out instead of sticking together. divorce is basicly for cowards who just want to quit and not try. all relationships have problems deal with them. what about the vows? is he just going to ignore them and toss them out the window/ no wonder everyone is scared of comitment. when things like this happen they divorce and are cowards and run away BUT HE LIED ABOUT SOMETHING EXTREMLY IMPORTANT. I MEAN IS SHE LIED ABOUT THAT, WHAT IS SHE REALLY HIDING FROM HIM we dont know she lied, guys lie also about what there wives do,none of he said she said has been prooven, we only know what he wants us to know

debbie1980 Joined Sun 09/09/07 Posts: 20487	Mon 07/28/08 02:28 PM
My cousin and his wife have been married for the past 2 years. Recently she told him that it's not going to be possible to have children, and that several years before meeting him she had a surgery to prevent pregancy. She knew he wanted kids, and kept this from him. Should he be considering a divorce, are trying to find a way to put this behind them ? in my opinion everyone gets a divorce now days as a easy out instead of sticking together. divorce is basicly for cowards who just want to quit and not try. all relationships have problems deal with them. what about the vows? is he just going to ignore them and toss them out the window/ no wonder everyone is scared of comitment. when things like this happen they divorce and are cowards and run away BUT HE LIED ABOUT SOMETHING EXTREMLY IMPORTANT. I MEAN IS SHE LIED ABOUT THAT, WHAT IS SHE REALLY HIDING FROM HIM we dont know she lied, guys lie also about what there wives do,none of he said she said has been prooven, we only know what he wants us to know YES BUT HERE WERE WORKING ON, IF SHE DID DO IT.

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 02:30 PM
She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him. ok,its my opinion and gods im with you there jill. this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her. its also his responsibility to get to know everything about her before getting married. if she lied wich has not been proven, he should of found out and investagate before getting married. divorce for no reason should ever be a option. we you get married it for life no matter what problem comes up OMG I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM READING. I WILL REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING ON THIS ONE

debbie1980 Joined Sun 09/09/07 Posts: 20487	Mon 07/28/08 02:32 PM
She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him. ok,its my opinion and gods im with you there jill. this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her. its also his responsibility to get to know everything about her before getting married. if she lied wich has not been proven, he should of found out and investagate before getting married. divorce for no reason should ever be a option. we you get married it for life no matter what problem comes up OMG I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM READING. I WILL REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING ON THIS ONE FAIR ENOUGH

izzie Joined Wed 02/21/07 Posts: 31834	Mon 07/28/08 02:33 PM
She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him. im with you there jill. this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her. its also his responsibility to get to know everything about her before getting married. if she lied wich has not been proven, he should of found out and investagate before getting married. divorce for no reason should ever be a option. we you get married it for life no matter what problem comes up OMG I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM READING. I WILL REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING ON THIS ONE ok,its my opinion and gods ok i was going to stay outa this part of the argument. but as you hid your answer to this i will reply here... god opinion???? seriously??? she lied!!!! check your commandments...

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 02:34 PM
She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him. ok,its my opinion and gods im with you there jill. this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her. its also his responsibility to get to know everything about her before getting married. if she lied wich has not been proven, he should of found out and investagate before getting married. divorce for no reason should ever be a option. we you get married it for life no matter what problem comes up OMG I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM READING. I WILL REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING ON THIS ONE ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also

izzie Joined Wed 02/21/07 Posts: 31834	Mon 07/28/08 02:37 PM
ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also please... tell me what it is that makes you so self ritious that you KNOW GODS opinion... ive readthe bible... every year for the last 7 years in fact.... im pretty sure that you arent a prophit.. so please.. do tell... how is it that you KNOW gods opinion?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 02:39 PM
She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him. im with you there jill. this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her. its also his responsibility to get to know everything about her before getting married. if she lied wich has not been proven, he should of found out and investagate before getting married. divorce for no reason should ever be a option. we you get married it for life no matter what problem comes up OMG I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM READING. I WILL REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING ON THIS ONE ok,its my opinion and gods ok i was going to stay outa this part of the argument. but as you hid your answer to this i will reply here... god opinion???? seriously??? she lied!!!! check your commandments... i know comanments well. first its not prooven only hearsay, second god has unconditional love and we are to model ourselfs after god, we are to make a efort to be perfect like him, it says in bible that your heavenly father is perfect so therefor you be perfect, if we cant forgive how do we expect god to forgive us?

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 02:42 PM
ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also please... tell me what it is that makes you so self ritious that you KNOW GODS opinion... ive readthe bible... every year for the last 7 years in fact.... im pretty sure that you arent a prophit.. so please.. do tell... how is it that you KNOW gods opinion?!?!?!!?!?!?!? same way you know comandments and also if you ask and believe you get from god. i ask to read between lines and to disern scriptures and to know of gods knoledge and i asked and believed and now i recieve

izzie Joined Wed 02/21/07 Posts: 31834	Mon 07/28/08 02:47 PM
ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also please... tell me what it is that makes you so self ritious that you KNOW GODS opinion... ive readthe bible... every year for the last 7 years in fact.... im pretty sure that you arent a prophit.. so please.. do tell... how is it that you KNOW gods opinion?!?!?!!?!?!?!? same way you know comandments and also if you ask and believe you get from god. i ask to read between lines and to disern scriptures and to know of gods knoledge and i asked and believed and now i recieve i did ask and i did recieve.... after 5 years of abuse.. and death threats i got a divorce.... there are times that call for it... im not saying wether or not the OP's case is one.. as i do not have enough details to make that judgement.... however... i read.. i prayed.. and i recieved... there are times that divorce is called for.... step off your high horse before you get bucked off. its a long way down... arogance is a sin as well.. this will be my last post in this thread, as i like it here at jsh.. and would rather not get banned for tearing you to tiny little shreads over your self ritious ignorance... have a nice day.

debbie1980 Joined Sun 09/09/07 Posts: 20487	Mon 07/28/08 02:48 PM
ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also please... tell me what it is that makes you so self ritious that you KNOW GODS opinion... ive readthe bible... every year for the last 7 years in fact.... im pretty sure that you arent a prophit.. so please.. do tell... how is it that you KNOW gods opinion?!?!?!!?!?!?!? THANKS IZZIE, THATS WHY I REFRAINED TO COMMENT, BECAUSE THE REPLY WAS JUST STUPID

debbie1980 Joined Sun 09/09/07 Posts: 20487	Mon 07/28/08 02:51 PM
ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also please... tell me what it is that makes you so self ritious that you KNOW GODS opinion... ive readthe bible... every year for the last 7 years in fact.... im pretty sure that you arent a prophit.. so please.. do tell... how is it that you KNOW gods opinion?!?!?!!?!?!?!? same way you know comandments and also if you ask and believe you get from god. i ask to read between lines and to disern scriptures and to know of gods knoledge and i asked and believed and now i recieve i did ask and i did recieve.... after 5 years of abuse.. and death threats i got a divorce.... there are times that call for it... im not saying wether or not the OP's case is one.. as i do not have enough details to make that judgement.... however... i read.. i prayed.. and i recieved... there are times that divorce is called for.... step off your high horse before you get bucked off. its a long way down... arogance is a sin as well.. this will be my last post in this thread, as i like it here at jsh.. and would rather not get banned for tearing you to tiny little shreads over your self ritious ignorance... have a nice day. BRAVO

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 02:54 PM
ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also please... tell me what it is that makes you so self ritious that you KNOW GODS opinion... ive readthe bible... every year for the last 7 years in fact.... im pretty sure that you arent a prophit.. so please.. do tell... how is it that you KNOW gods opinion?!?!?!!?!?!?!? same way you know comandments and also if you ask and believe you get from god. i ask to read between lines and to disern scriptures and to know of gods knoledge and i asked and believed and now i recieve i did ask and i did recieve.... after 5 years of abuse.. and death threats i got a divorce.... there are times that call for it... im not saying wether or not the OP's case is one.. as i do not have enough details to make that judgement.... however... i read.. i prayed.. and i recieved... there are times that divorce is called for.... step off your high horse before you get bucked off. its a long way down... arogance is a sin as well.. this will be my last post in this thread, as i like it here at jsh.. and would rather not get banned for tearing you to tiny little shreads over your self ritious ignorance... have a nice day. there are some circumstances that divorce is ok so i agree with that part. but its not prooven that she lied, we know what was said but dont know realy what happened. only god, him and her know truthfuly. this is not a reason to divorce , god can fix anything even not trusting. its also his responsibilit to know or investigate befor makeing a life decision

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 03:00 PM
ok, well its my opion and right and its gods also please... tell me what it is that makes you so self ritious that you KNOW GODS opinion... ive readthe bible... every year for the last 7 years in fact.... im pretty sure that you arent a prophit.. so please.. do tell... how is it that you KNOW gods opinion?!?!?!!?!?!?!? same way you know comandments and also if you ask and believe you get from god. i ask to read between lines and to disern scriptures and to know of gods knoledge and i asked and believed and now i recieve i did ask and i did recieve.... after 5 years of abuse.. and death threats i got a divorce.... there are times that call for it... im not saying wether or not the OP's case is one.. as i do not have enough details to make that judgement.... however... i read.. i prayed.. and i recieved... there are times that divorce is called for.... step off your high horse before you get bucked off. its a long way down... arogance is a sin as well.. this will be my last post in this thread, as i like it here at jsh.. and would rather not get banned for tearing you to tiny little shreads over your self ritious ignorance... have a nice day. i realy can defend myself and you wont tear me to threads you just think you will. and im the most humble and in no means think im self rightious. but if i do know more than alot its cause god gave it to me, and the big difference is i listen to god not just do but listen

MisKim323 Joined Sat 06/28/08 Posts: 14563	Mon 07/28/08 03:02 PM
I feel it was very wrong of her to hide the fact that she cannot have children, if that is what she did...no one knows the entire truth but the two of them. I do feel that when you go into a marriage, you should be completely honest about things of such great importance. I know as a woman that if I were to be stepping down the aisle and still wanted to have a child, I would want to know that my future husband could not give me a child...it is only fair, only honest. If you cannot be honest with the person you are with, then there is no relationship to begin with...for it is based upon secrets, deception and the such. Marriage must be completely honorable in all aspects...and if it cannot be...then it should not exist. We all have our beliefs and opinions on divorce...and although we feel God wants us to be married forever, I also feel that He would not want us to live in a harmful, dangerous situation. To live unhappily, heartbroken and in complete desperation is not anythign that God wishes for us...however...He will never put upon us anything that he cannot get us through with our faith.

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 03:08 PM
great one misskim

littleike Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 4325	Mon 07/28/08 03:11 PM
F-A-I-T-H there it is!

MisKim323 Joined Sat 06/28/08 Posts: 14563	Mon 07/28/08 03:26 PM
F-A-I-T-H there it is!