Normally, you tell this story with passion, and most are sure to believe
it right off hand. It's pretty good:



I was driving home the other night when it was raining and it was dark
out. I ran over a cat. It was sort of calico... a little orange,
white, and I guess now- a little pink.

I pulled over and was about to drive off and a cop that was watching the
traffic for speeders pulled up behind me and said that I had to pick up
the dead cat and find the owner of it and return it to the owner.

He had his side light on- all shining on me, and had that
"macho-attitude" going on. It was pouring down rain- like elephants and
giraffes, and I had to look into my trunk for some cardboard or
something that I can put the dead cat on.

I did find a piece of cardboard, lifted the cat up and placed it on the
cardboard and started with the first house across the street- since the
officer was pointing his light to the house- asking me to check there
first.

I went to the first house and knocked on the door. A little girl about
9 came to the door and I explained to her what I did. She quickly
turned around and said, "Mommy, mommy- I think Sylvester is dead." The
mom came to the door, looked briefly and knew it wasn't the cat. She
said angrily, "Why are you going around scaring little girls like that?"
Then, she slammed the door in my face.

The officer was watching me the whole time. He pointed his light to the
next house and I had the cardboad with the dead cat in my left hand and
my umbrella in my right hand. I went to the second house.

A huge biker guy came to the door. I mean- this guy had to be the
jolly-redneck biker guy from South Dakota or something. He was about
6'10" and 350 lbs. I told him I ran over the a cat and I was trying to
find the owner so I can return the dead cat for a proper burial. He
said, "Ah man... get that **** away from me man. I don't own a damn
cat."

I was really ready to give up at that point. I then went to the third
house, because of the officer's stalking attitude for me to find the
proper owner.

When I knocked on the door, a little elderly lady with a cane in her
hand came to the screen door. I said, "Ma'am, I ran over a cat and I'm
trying to find the owner." She said, "That's Jingles. That cat was the
last thing that I had to remind me of my husband. He passed away a
month ago. All of my relatives- well, his relatives, came and picked up
his belongings and I had nothing except for that cat to remember him
by." I said, "Ma'am, I'm so sorry. Let me offer my deepest condolences
to you." I put down my umbrella and pulled out my wallet with my right
hand- placing the wallet on the cardboard next to the dead cat. I
reached in the wallet and pulled out $20. I handed it out to her,
looked back at the cop because she wasn't taking the money. She opened
up the screen door, snatched the $20 out of my hand and then slammed the
door in my face.

I looked back at the cop, here I am- all wet, tired from a long day's
work, I had just ran over a cat, I even had the cat on the cardboard and
didn't know what to do with it, and I was out $20. I eventually laid
the cat down and went back to my car. I told the officer, as he watched
anyway.

Another day went by and the police wanted me to fill out some paperwork
about what had happened. I went into the police station and the officer
said that they had to arrest the elderly lady. I asked, "You had to
arrest her? On what charges- if you don't mind me asking?" The officer
said, "It's illegal to sell ***** in the state of Washington."

FUNNY JOWK! NICE TRY!!!! ILMAO!
NICE JOB TribalMutt2!

haha i sat there for a full three minutes trying to figure out what the
censored word was.