Topic: Fallen and I can't get up
itry's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:05 PM
I need some advice and I usually get the best here. I have fallen for a girl I've dated on and off for 9 months. She has 2 children,she works full time,goes to school part time and is getting a divorce after 4 years of being separated. She has suffered from post par tum depression after her last pregnancy 5 years ago. She has told me twice before that she can not continue our relationship because she is to stressed, but we have always gotten back together. She told me last week that she cannot keep going and she cannot stop crying all the time. Apparently the depression is back, luckily she has started seeing a therapist thankfully. I find it so hard not to contact her and she is always on my mind.She has said she just needs time to think things through.I really think I should run but I have really fallen for her.What now?

merlin2525's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:06 PM
RUN. Very fast

rainysky39's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:08 PM
Give her some time. I too suffered with PPD and it isnt an easy task to handle. If you care for her that much, then allow her some time but be there when she needs that shoulder. You have no idea how much it will mean in the long run.

lov2fish's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:10 PM
If you care that much about her then by all means give her some time.. however..protect yourself at the same time.. JMO

no photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:10 PM
You care for her?
You stand by and be her friend first...and encourage her to continue with the counseling and medical care flowerforyou

Just my thoughts...

no photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:11 PM
If she doesn't want you in her life there is not much you can do. Either she really wants you to chase her---which is kinda scary that she needs that much attention OR she doesn't want you to bother her. Either way- love sucks sometimes and you deserve better!
Best wishes whatever you decide to do!
Hope this helps flowerforyou

DestinysDream's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:11 PM
Be supportive and let her find the way. It doesn't sound too promising, you may want to try what's behind door number 2.

s1owhand's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:11 PM
there are great therapies for depression nowadays
let her get the medical attention she needs and
then when she is feeling better you can continue
to pursue the relationship.


OneOfAKind4U's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:14 PM
good luckglasses

ljcc1964's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:14 PM

there are great therapies for depression nowadays
let her get the medical attention she needs and
then when she is feeling better you can continue
to pursue the relationship.




ditto

dragonfly0135's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:17 PM
You will not find the answer to that question here - only in your heart. It sounds as tho you are not ready to walk away and only you know the reasons for that. There are no guarantees in life and life is about taking chances - Just keep in mind that if you decide to continue- you need to be willing to take responsibility for that decision. If you move forward and it still does not work out - you will likely gain something - a bit of knowledge or even if nothing else a little more experience in relationships and perhaps some insight into yourself. You have already invested a part of yourself here and although your are agonzing over your situation - I think it is unlikely that you will move on just yet You sound stuck. Best of luck to you.

no photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:17 PM
hello again, its me.... the tough one.flowerforyou


honestly, i smell trouble for you.flowerforyou i would say date other women as well. goodluck.


MsCarmen's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:18 PM
Don't run!!! That's the last thing she wants you to do. Being that she is a full-time mom, works full-time, and is going to school is stressful enough. Not to mention finding time for a relationship. That in itself for a single mom is extremely hard. Give her the space that she is asking for. She needs to take a breath, that's all. Just send her a note letting her know that you are there for her if she needs you. If you really care for her, then be there for her when she needs you most.

rainysky39's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:19 PM

Don't run!!! That's the last thing she wants you to do. Being that she is a full-time mom, works full-time, and is going to school is stressful enough. Not to mention finding time for a relationship. That in itself for a single mom is extremely hard. Give her the space that she is asking for. She needs to take a breath, that's all. Just send her a note letting her know that you are there for her if she needs you. If you really care for her, then be there for her when she needs you most.

Exactly what I was saying. I wish someone had been in my corner when I was suffering. If its worth having, its worth fighting for. Just know how to pick your battles and what you truly want in your heart!

itry's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:21 PM
:wink: Thank you everyone it means allot to hear your opinionsflowerforyou

moonlight_ride62's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:23 PM
give her time yes...make room for her to come back...but be ready to move on if she does not..

Alterego1961's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:23 PM
If you really care for her and can deal with the depression problems then I say wait for her. Be supportive of her in whatever way you can, but don't put any undue pressure about your possible future together. That can wait until after she has conquered her depression. I would be concerned that the depression has lasted for 5 years. There may be more than only post partum depression going on here. Talking to a therapist is a good first step, but I think she needs a full physical exam with lots of blood work to be sure there is nothing else going on. Simple things like low thyroid levels, etc. can lead to or worsen depression. Meds might help, but be careful they don't make the problem worse. I had a very bad reaction to anitdepressants that eventually led to my divorce... these reactions are rare, but do happen... Good luck...

Intrepid00's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:24 PM
My brother has a really crazy girlfriend that he is in love with and going to marry and doesn't listen to anyone, my father married my mother who suffers from bpd, divorced her and married a woman twice as crazy. Ultimately you are going to do what you are going to do but I agree with the first advice you got RUN... VERY,VERY FAST!!!!

merlin2525's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:28 PM

My brother has a really crazy girlfriend that he is in love with and going to marry and doesn't listen to anyone, my father married my mother who suffers from bpd, divorced her and married a woman twice as crazy. Ultimately you are going to do what you are going to do but I agree with the first advice you got RUN... VERY,VERY FAST!!!!


Thank you.
I'm glad someone agrees. I've been there and done that.
She kicked him to the curb twice.
That's more than enough reason to run

chuck35's photo
Wed 07/09/08 03:38 PM
Man i stayed with my wife for ten years up and down. Always depressed
she trying to hurt me before I hurt her. She saying this cause nobody ever wanted her. She went to one exstreem to the next trying to run me off Finally she cheated. I still stayed cause i made a promise i would never leave her I took about as much as i could because of the kids and i know she is a wonderful person when not depressed
I finally took my son and left before i went to jail cause she was still talking to the man
love sucks when your in a relationship like that cause its all about them not the kids and not you