Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Sacrifices in the Dating World
BonnyMiss Joined Thu 05/10/07 Posts: 15342	Tue 07/08/08 03:16 AM
Time and again I have heard of parents making sacrifices for their children...............The child then gets to teen years and guess what? The parent or parents who has put their life on hold for that child/children is left alone once the child/children has found a group of friends to hang around with.......................I have friends in this position, I get the phone calls from them. Not saying this is the case with you. I am certain that day will come when her friends take priority over me. The way I see it is that "My time will come" That I am certain of as well. I have loved and also know the feeling of being loved. Dating at this time and point is just that, when the time is right, it will happen. Until then my daughter gets my unconditional love and full attention. She needs me as a part of her upbringing, she will always know that I am there for her, regardless of my situation. She didnt ask or want her parents to be apart, so I will not allow for her to be a victim of a divorce because of what her mother wanted, she had no control over that. So I will be there for her just as if we were all still living together Very admirable, , I dare say it is the upbringing you bestow on a child that reaps the rewards in their later life.I made that sacrifice, my children ( God bless them ) are very close to me and not for one minute will either of them forsake me, this past few weeks has proved that, my son ( whom I still see as a 4yr old) took control of my moving, arranged for my excess baggage to go into storage,found me temporary accommodation and has phoned and texted me all hours of the day and night.My daughter has also been very attentive. We go to the cinema together, have lunch and dinner dates, go for walks and "hang out" together ( my daughter calls it cotching)I know this may sound very biased, but if they were not my children, I would (as a parent) want two similar children as my own. They are beautiful, inside and out. Your last statement is in direct contradiction to your first statement Your experience has shown to you different to the very first statement that you made I hope you are just playing the advocate for the purposes of the forum How so? Explain please On your first statement you declared that you sacrifice all the time and you are left alone (Not you in particular but one) and your own experience having spent all your time rewarded you not being on your own when moving and hence two contradictory statements Sir, be not hasty in your "appraisal" of my statement, without telling you my entire life story, I have been a single parent for the past 19 years, I refrained from dating ( to protect my children, as I was not sure whom I would be letting into their lives) The example I quoted has been the experiences of friends, and parents of children I have taught. I am from the old school and as such raised my children to be fine upstanding citizens of the future ( just as my parents did for me) I was determined that my two would not be or go without ( not so much in material values) but to bestow upon the values of life's freely given lessons so that they may benefit from a good upbringing.I was and still am there for them should they need me. Madam I am not hasty You put forward two statement (friend or not irrelevant) which are in direct contradiction to your own experience . You could have stated in your first statement that your experience was contrary to the findings of your friends you didn't I made an observation based on those statement without being slightly interested in your life story. I am not going to engage and as I said as it appears and presented in the forum there appears a contradiction based upon the statements regardless of past or future history and without any reference to years of sacrifice and so on I hope that the point is clear and if not it is too bad sorry that you are not happy Sir, I think you are trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill I thought I answered the point put across by the original poster in light of what he had stated and did not expect to have my statement analysed ( yes, I spelt analysed with an "S") I did not think the focus was on me personally, hence I did not make any references to my own "case" as it were. But, if you would like to evaluate my statement..............Be my guest. Hope that you are happy too. All done in the best possible taste ( of course) What you were meaning to say I suspect in your first statement was that people may sacrifice their time fruitlessly not knowing how to raise their kids and in that case there would have been no confusion on the factual terms I hope that at least is obvious and at no times debates with me degenerate to bad taste . You can be assured of that. Robert, it is very nice to know that your debates does not degenerate to bad taste, if it did then you would not have me as an opponent. I do not harbour grudges, bear malice to another human being and I live for a peaceful life. I have seen and met people from all walks of life and do strive to get along with, you never know when you may have to call on a total stranger for help.Peace.................I love it ! There is where the problems lie 1 Never thought of you as an opponent 2 Made a totally valid observation 3 Never spoke of malice, grudge, 4 Was never trying to win an argument I was totally focused on the issue without side tracking and dealt with facts as presented in the forum That my friend at the end of the day what the debate should be about without sidetracks . Unfortunately that was not achieved regrettable. This has gone far enough, I do not have to justify what I said to you, if as you say that you were totally focused and not sidetracked from the original post, why and how come you tried to evaluate what I said? This is getting silly and not fair to the original poster, we should not be dominating his thread.Jim519, please accept my apology.

robert1652 Joined Wed 11/14/07 Posts: 8447	Tue 07/08/08 03:19 AM
Time and again I have heard of parents making sacrifices for their children...............The child then gets to teen years and guess what? The parent or parents who has put their life on hold for that child/children is left alone once the child/children has found a group of friends to hang around with.......................I have friends in this position, I get the phone calls from them. Not saying this is the case with you. I am certain that day will come when her friends take priority over me. The way I see it is that "My time will come" That I am certain of as well. I have loved and also know the feeling of being loved. Dating at this time and point is just that, when the time is right, it will happen. Until then my daughter gets my unconditional love and full attention. She needs me as a part of her upbringing, she will always know that I am there for her, regardless of my situation. She didnt ask or want her parents to be apart, so I will not allow for her to be a victim of a divorce because of what her mother wanted, she had no control over that. So I will be there for her just as if we were all still living together Very admirable, , I dare say it is the upbringing you bestow on a child that reaps the rewards in their later life.I made that sacrifice, my children ( God bless them ) are very close to me and not for one minute will either of them forsake me, this past few weeks has proved that, my son ( whom I still see as a 4yr old) took control of my moving, arranged for my excess baggage to go into storage,found me temporary accommodation and has phoned and texted me all hours of the day and night.My daughter has also been very attentive. We go to the cinema together, have lunch and dinner dates, go for walks and "hang out" together ( my daughter calls it cotching)I know this may sound very biased, but if they were not my children, I would (as a parent) want two similar children as my own. They are beautiful, inside and out. Your last statement is in direct contradiction to your first statement Your experience has shown to you different to the very first statement that you made I hope you are just playing the advocate for the purposes of the forum How so? Explain please On your first statement you declared that you sacrifice all the time and you are left alone (Not you in particular but one) and your own experience having spent all your time rewarded you not being on your own when moving and hence two contradictory statements Sir, be not hasty in your "appraisal" of my statement, without telling you my entire life story, I have been a single parent for the past 19 years, I refrained from dating ( to protect my children, as I was not sure whom I would be letting into their lives) The example I quoted has been the experiences of friends, and parents of children I have taught. I am from the old school and as such raised my children to be fine upstanding citizens of the future ( just as my parents did for me) I was determined that my two would not be or go without ( not so much in material values) but to bestow upon the values of life's freely given lessons so that they may benefit from a good upbringing.I was and still am there for them should they need me. Madam I am not hasty You put forward two statement (friend or not irrelevant) which are in direct contradiction to your own experience . You could have stated in your first statement that your experience was contrary to the findings of your friends you didn't I made an observation based on those statement without being slightly interested in your life story. I am not going to engage and as I said as it appears and presented in the forum there appears a contradiction based upon the statements regardless of past or future history and without any reference to years of sacrifice and so on I hope that the point is clear and if not it is too bad sorry that you are not happy Sir, I think you are trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill I thought I answered the point put across by the original poster in light of what he had stated and did not expect to have my statement analysed ( yes, I spelt analysed with an "S") I did not think the focus was on me personally, hence I did not make any references to my own "case" as it were. But, if you would like to evaluate my statement..............Be my guest. Hope that you are happy too. All done in the best possible taste ( of course) What you were meaning to say I suspect in your first statement was that people may sacrifice their time fruitlessly not knowing how to raise their kids and in that case there would have been no confusion on the factual terms I hope that at least is obvious and at no times debates with me degenerate to bad taste . You can be assured of that. Robert, it is very nice to know that your debates does not degenerate to bad taste, if it did then you would not have me as an opponent. I do not harbour grudges, bear malice to another human being and I live for a peaceful life. I have seen and met people from all walks of life and do strive to get along with, you never know when you may have to call on a total stranger for help.Peace.................I love it ! There is where the problems lie 1 Never thought of you as an opponent 2 Made a totally valid observation 3 Never spoke of malice, grudge, 4 Was never trying to win an argument I was totally focused on the issue without side tracking and dealt with facts as presented in the forum That my friend at the end of the day what the debate should be about without sidetracks . Unfortunately that was not achieved regrettable. This has gone far enough, I do not have to justify what I said to you, if as you say that you were totally focused and not sidetracked from the original post, why and how come you tried to evaluate what I said? This is getting silly and not fair to the original poster, we should not be dominating his thread.Jim519, please accept my apology. I maintain that you made two contradictory statements thats all and you don't like and it is obvious you wish to have the last say with that I have no problem either

Fade2Black Joined Mon 10/08/07 Posts: 50752	Tue 07/08/08 03:58 AM
uhhhhhhh can we get back to Jim's topic?

baroosie Joined Fri 01/18/08 Posts: 859	Tue 07/08/08 03:59 AM
ONE THREAD (PG)-2 POSTS.... There's got to be a better way to respond to someone's post...

Fade2Black Joined Mon 10/08/07 Posts: 50752	Tue 07/08/08 04:00 AM
ONE THREAD (PG)-2 POSTS.... There's got to be a better way to respond to someone's post... lmao .. ya think?

robert1652 Joined Wed 11/14/07 Posts: 8447	Tue 07/08/08 06:12 AM
ONE THREAD (PG)-2 POSTS.... There's got to be a better way to respond to someone's post... lmao .. ya think? I only said 2 contradictory statements thats all

ddn122 Joined Mon 11/05/07 Posts: 12855	Tue 07/08/08 06:16 AM
Similiar story, here the "need" me less....and i, now, am perusing the world around me.. and loving it When my children were little, I never looked at it as putting my life on hold. I brought them into this world and spending time with them when they were young was far more important than a date. They are both well into thier teens now, pretty well adjusted and happy. So, it was well worth it.

ashley_renee Joined Tue 01/15/08 Posts: 14755	Tue 07/08/08 01:58 PM
JiMMMMMMMMMMMM !!!! --POUNCES and then RUNS AWAY--

Serchin4MyRedWine Joined Thu 02/22/07 Posts: 3483	Tue 07/08/08 02:52 PM
Biggest sacrifice? Try not dating at ALL for 7 years to help my kids adjust to the single parent lifestyle in our home. To spend time in their schools and do stuff with them. Make them the priority. It was well worth it. Altho I kinda spoiled them with that decision, I will never ever regret it. I may have let 7 good years of 'youth' go down the drain in lieu of spending ALL my time with them, but heck, they didn't ask for the divorce and it can be really hard on kids. Will never regret the decision. I've dated plenty since. Had more dates than most singles who didn't put their life on hold for years. Ditto...except for the part about dating alot since

Fade2Black Joined Mon 10/08/07 Posts: 50752	Tue 07/08/08 02:56 PM
Biggest sacrifice? Try not dating at ALL for 7 years to help my kids adjust to the single parent lifestyle in our home. To spend time in their schools and do stuff with them. Make them the priority. It was well worth it. Altho I kinda spoiled them with that decision, I will never ever regret it. I may have let 7 good years of 'youth' go down the drain in lieu of spending ALL my time with them, but heck, they didn't ask for the divorce and it can be really hard on kids. Will never regret the decision. I've dated plenty since. Had more dates than most singles who didn't put their life on hold for years. Ditto...except for the part about dating alot since oh gosh .. you'd think there was a run on dates in the real world there for a while. Probably met 80+ guys over the last 4 1/2 years .. only my current BF slowed the process down but it went in spurts ..

Serchin4MyRedWine Joined Thu 02/22/07 Posts: 3483	Tue 07/08/08 03:06 PM
Biggest sacrifice? Try not dating at ALL for 7 years to help my kids adjust to the single parent lifestyle in our home. To spend time in their schools and do stuff with them. Make them the priority. It was well worth it. Altho I kinda spoiled them with that decision, I will never ever regret it. I may have let 7 good years of 'youth' go down the drain in lieu of spending ALL my time with them, but heck, they didn't ask for the divorce and it can be really hard on kids. Will never regret the decision. I've dated plenty since. Had more dates than most singles who didn't put their life on hold for years. Ditto...except for the part about dating alot since oh gosh .. you'd think there was a run on dates in the real world there for a while. Probably met 80+ guys over the last 4 1/2 years .. only my current BF slowed the process down but it went in spurts .. Well I've had a lot of offers...and some I almost went through with...but canceled ...don't think I'm ready for the "hassle" yet...LOL. Maybe it will be when that woman just has that right look in her eyes that will say THIS IS IT...then I'll know its time again...for now I like no attachments, no hassles...and I'm still waiting for my last one to turn 18

Fade2Black Joined Mon 10/08/07 Posts: 50752	Tue 07/08/08 03:09 PM
Biggest sacrifice? Try not dating at ALL for 7 years to help my kids adjust to the single parent lifestyle in our home. To spend time in their schools and do stuff with them. Make them the priority. It was well worth it. Altho I kinda spoiled them with that decision, I will never ever regret it. I may have let 7 good years of 'youth' go down the drain in lieu of spending ALL my time with them, but heck, they didn't ask for the divorce and it can be really hard on kids. Will never regret the decision. I've dated plenty since. Had more dates than most singles who didn't put their life on hold for years. Ditto...except for the part about dating alot since oh gosh .. you'd think there was a run on dates in the real world there for a while. Probably met 80+ guys over the last 4 1/2 years .. only my current BF slowed the process down but it went in spurts .. Well I've had a lot of offers...and some I almost went through with...but canceled ...don't think I'm ready for the "hassle" yet...LOL. Maybe it will be when that woman just has that right look in her eyes that will say THIS IS IT...then I'll know its time again...for now I like no attachments, no hassles...and I'm still waiting for my last one to turn 18 I have two to still turn 18 .. they are 14 and 16

RoamingOrator Joined Fri 07/20/07 Posts: 4943	Tue 07/08/08 03:11 PM
You know as a bachelor, I all of a sudden feel left out of this conversation. You parents, always making those of us who never had the opportunity to become a parent ourselves, feel unwelcome. How am I supposed to present a sacrifice that comes even close to "my life for my kids." And if you are considering that you are sacrificing your life because of them, then you don't paint a pretty picture for those of us that don't have them (which might make you want to reconsider those "why don't (wo)men want to date someone with children" threads) So, giving up my career and home to move closer to the woman I loved, doesn't seem like much. In the end, the sacrifice wasn't even worth it, because here I am talking to you all and hoping someone will take notice.

Serchin4MyRedWine Joined Thu 02/22/07 Posts: 3483	Tue 07/08/08 03:33 PM
Biggest sacrifice? Try not dating at ALL for 7 years to help my kids adjust to the single parent lifestyle in our home. To spend time in their schools and do stuff with them. Make them the priority. It was well worth it. Altho I kinda spoiled them with that decision, I will never ever regret it. I may have let 7 good years of 'youth' go down the drain in lieu of spending ALL my time with them, but heck, they didn't ask for the divorce and it can be really hard on kids. Will never regret the decision. I've dated plenty since. Had more dates than most singles who didn't put their life on hold for years. Ditto...except for the part about dating alot since oh gosh .. you'd think there was a run on dates in the real world there for a while. Probably met 80+ guys over the last 4 1/2 years .. only my current BF slowed the process down but it went in spurts .. Well I've had a lot of offers...and some I almost went through with...but canceled ...don't think I'm ready for the "hassle" yet...LOL. Maybe it will be when that woman just has that right look in her eyes that will say THIS IS IT...then I'll know its time again...for now I like no attachments, no hassles...and I'm still waiting for my last one to turn 18 I have two to still turn 18 .. they are 14 and 16 I have one ..he is 16...even though he is now more or less independant and doesn't need me around like when he was younger, I still find myself holding back from dating...not sure why that is...A young woman, very attractive almost 20 years younger then I asked me out on a date last week,I of course said yes..maybe out of reflex(she is really quite stunning) but in the days leading up to the date she started texting me and calling me several timnes a day and I guess it was just too much of a shock to my system after being so alone all these years I guess all these years of sacrifice have taken a toll and have built a wall around my feelings. I'm sure it will take time for them to come crumbling down...at least I hope they crumble

michiganman3 Joined Mon 10/29/07 Posts: 14521	Tue 07/08/08 03:55 PM
You know as a bachelor, I all of a sudden feel left out of this conversation. You parents, always making those of us who never had the opportunity to become a parent ourselves, feel unwelcome. How am I supposed to present a sacrifice that comes even close to "my life for my kids." And if you are considering that you are sacrificing your life because of them, then you don't paint a pretty picture for those of us that don't have them (which might make you want to reconsider those "why don't (wo)men want to date someone with children" threads) So, giving up my career and home to move closer to the woman I loved, doesn't seem like much. In the end, the sacrifice wasn't even worth it, because here I am talking to you all and hoping someone will take notice. Come on in Bro, because you can learn about dating someone with kids. I don't think of it as a sacrifice, it is a responsibility I welcomed as parent. My girls are 15 and 17, hanging more with friends and working. Its funny sometimes trying to schedule a date around kids schedules. "Nope I got my girls that wk-end, Oh gee, Billy has a softball game that Sat." Its just the way it is for a lot of people my age, and younger. The Ex and I keep it very flexable as far as vistation goes, so it is a little easier for me in my situation.

Jim519 Joined Thu 12/27/07 Posts: 9203	Tue 07/08/08 04:04 PM
You know as a bachelor, I all of a sudden feel left out of this conversation. You parents, always making those of us who never had the opportunity to become a parent ourselves, feel unwelcome. How am I supposed to present a sacrifice that comes even close to "my life for my kids." And if you are considering that you are sacrificing your life because of them, then you don't paint a pretty picture for those of us that don't have them (which might make you want to reconsider those "why don't (wo)men want to date someone with children" threads) So, giving up my career and home to move closer to the woman I loved, doesn't seem like much. In the end, the sacrifice wasn't even worth it, because here I am talking to you all and hoping someone will take notice. Please come in and share your stories. I started this thread to hear stories of what anyone has done to sacrifice anything in the dating scene. Whether it be to cancel a date with one person, because a date with someone else of more interest suddenly came up, or kids, or anything really! It is an open forum and all are welcome to share their stories. It went this way because of kids and most are very passionate of that subject. So, please share your stories, I know all will love to read them, including myself

ElaineSeekingJerry Joined Thu 05/01/08 Posts: 978	Tue 07/08/08 04:29 PM
So, giving up my career and home to move closer to the woman I loved, doesn't seem like much. In the end, the sacrifice wasn't even worth it, because here I am talking to you all and hoping someone will take notice. Giving up your career and home to move closer to the woman you loved? Um - that's huge ... I can't be the only female who would notice something like that and think "Wow!" I can only hope that one day I'll meet someone who will say 'no matter the cost, I've gotta have that girl' and would consider a sacrifice as monumental as yours. You give me hope ...

RoamingOrator Joined Fri 07/20/07 Posts: 4943	Thu 07/10/08 03:01 PM
So, giving up my career and home to move closer to the woman I loved, doesn't seem like much. In the end, the sacrifice wasn't even worth it, because here I am talking to you all and hoping someone will take notice. Giving up your career and home to move closer to the woman you loved? Um - that's huge ... I can't be the only female who would notice something like that and think "Wow!" I can only hope that one day I'll meet someone who will say 'no matter the cost, I've gotta have that girl' and would consider a sacrifice as monumental as yours. You give me hope ... I'm pretty sure that your the only to notice and say "wow"