I actually wrote this last summer, but Whisper said something that
jogged my memory (my memory almost never breaking into an actual run
anymore), so I thought I'd recycle it here. Remember, kids, recycling
is good for the planet!

================================================================

Addiction is a terrible thing, but everybody's got to have some,
otherwise there's no reason for us to have descended from the trees (or
from Mars, if you're Eddie Calgaro) in the first place. Since I don't
smoke or use drugs or drink alcohol, I have to be addicted to things
like books and Triscuits and Tylenol and Full House reruns, none of
which will cause lung cancer (at least not until R.J Reynolds gets their
analgesic division up and running) or brain damage (except possibly for
the Full House reruns).

I've always had a weakness for the "carbonated beverages" as they are
referred to in the trade. Pepsi, Coke, 7-Up, Root Beer, whatever, I have
to drink approximately 47 cans or bottles a day in order to function on
a level where I can tie my shoes or drive to the store to get more
Pepsi. It's sort of a cyclical addiction.

And I seem to have another weakness (see a trend developing here? --
this is the curse of the hedonist!) for trying NEW carbonated beverages
as they come out. There was a mutant variety Mountain Dew last summer,
called "Pitch Black," which was really just Mountain Dew with some grape
in it. I thought "Ugh! That really shouldn't work," but I bought some
anyway, tried it, said "Ugh! This doesn't work!" but kept on drinking it
anyway until I got addicted to it, at which point the company stopped
making it. In retrospect, this was probably a good idea, since there are
a lot of other flavors that Mountain Dew hasn't been mixed with yet
(strawberry, peach, onion, asparagus, tuna salad, meat loaf, spaghetti,
etc.), any of which could be in the White Hen coolers next week, but not
if the White Hen knows what's good for it. Then again, how much can a
chicken really know?

I tried the new Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream, and that is the best thing
I've had since....well, I guess since Canfield's was making their "Anna
Banana" and "Mickey Melon" drinks. I'm not making these up, they were
banana flavored and watermelon flavored drinks. The only place I ever
saw them was at a little restaurant called Gabe's (a little conceptual
continuity for anybody who reads my book), and they were delicious.

Canfield's is probably better known for their "Diet Chocolate Fudge
Soda," which may be the strangest-tasting thing ever put in a can. If
you close your eyes and hold your nose and think about running away from
a Komodo dragon, and then drink the chocolate fudge soda, you can almost
convince yourself that this stuff tastes a little bit like something a
very delusional or insane person might refer to as "not entirely unlike
chocolate fudge." Yes, they got THAT close.

My favorite right now is Jones Blue Bubblegum Soda, but try to find it
anywhere! Once in awhile I can buy it at Meijer, but usually only in
comic book stores (and who came up with THAT idea?), and it's expensive
but totally worth it. Addiction knows no financial limitations. Just ask
Rush.

Anyway, I went to the White Hen today, and there was something I had
never seen before: "Coca-Cola Blak," and that's how they spelled it,
apparently trying to appeal to illiterates and maybe dyslexics. Very few
things seem to be marketed to illiterates, chewin' terbacky
notwithstanding, but the Coca-Cola Blak bottle looks kind of upscale, so
it really got my attention, and not just because of the misspelling.

The bottle is glass (kind of a rarity in itself anymore), and small (8
ounces), and it sells for $1.29, which seems like a lot for 8 ounces,
but I'm an idiot and I'll try anything with "Coca-Cola" on the label
once, anyway. So I bought it.

A little later, I looked at the ingredients: Carbonated water (OK,
that's a good start), high fructose corn syrup (don't you just despise
the LOW fructose corn syrup?), caramel color, natural flavors (what does
that mean? Sloth flavor? Poison sumac flavor?), coffee extract (huh?),
phosphoric acid, potassium sorbate and potassium benzoate (to protect
taste, it says), caffeine, aspartame (I was a little concerned because
at first I thought it said Aspercreme), acesulfame potassium.

OK, lots of potassium, so I suppose that's a good thing. But COFFEE
extract?

See, I really don't care much for coffee. Never have. Where most people
glort down a cup of coffee or twelve in the morning, I'm grabbing a
Pepsi. Coffee just doesn't taste good to me. The only exception I've
ever found is a peanut butter-coffee thing they make at a place called
Mojoe's in Orland Park which an ex-gf talked me into trying one day,
which is fantastic, but I haven't been there in ages.

Well, I decided I'd go ahead and drink this Coca-Cola Blak anyway,
seeing as how I had $1.29 invested in it.

And it was awful. There's no other way to put it. I think I would have
preferred "Coca-Cola with Bacon" or something. Yuck.

Who came up with the idea that people want to drink coffee and Coke
mixed together?

You might as well just stuff your Thanksgiving turkey with tapioca
pudding. Hmmm, actually that doesn't sound too bad. Now if only I could
cook anything without blowing up a 3-block radius....

Well, anyway, I will NOT be buying Coca-Cola Blak again! Yuck!

Lex, that sounds absolutly disgusting. I do like my coffee and lots of
it...but not mixed with Coke. Why would anybody want to torture
themselves in such a way by ingesting such a concoction?

OMG, that was good I'm a Dr. Pepper addict myself that is my coffe in
the morning gotto have my Dr.Peppers lol

LOL Come on now you KNOW I was going to reply to this. And with
style...lol. I LOVE my Coke Blak. That is usually my kick start to my
day. Well then I guess I think anything sounds better then Turkey
Flavored cola I am sure glad some of these have the money to blow
like that. I mean did they really expect something like that to take
off? It is a TURKEY they do not fly.

But although that Pitch black drinks sounds like it would have been
interesting.

But another drink I never understood was that Mint flavored 7Up Or was
it Sprite? I don't remember.
but anyways that stuff just tasted like mouth wash. I mean who the heck
wants to drink a whole mouthful of mouth wash. I am telling you some
company's need to get some new and better ideas here.

Whisper -- As soon as I saw you had changed your pic, I thought, "Yeah,
I guess I had that coming...."

Actually, that Mountain Dew Pitch Black was really pretty good, once you
got used to it. It was everywhere around here in the summer of 2005,
haven't seen it since, but I do like their red and orange versions.

Jolt Cola has a good Cherry version, but I only know 2 places that sell
it, a pharmacy down the street, and a place in Crown Point, Indiana.

Now that does sound good. But We never had it here. We do however have
Mountain Dew Energy. That I like(Go figure. I actually LIKE a Pepsi
product). I also think they did a pretty damn good Job on that Vanilla
and Cream Dr. Pepper. That stuff was GOOD. Have not seen it around for
awhile though.

I am laughing!!! sorry will be whitty when I quit!