Loved and lost - and the pain of losing that person became a part of you so that if you truly let go of that pain you may or may not know who you are? You hide behind to avoid getting close to people and dating you is like running 90 miles an hour into a brick wall ?? Time has not changed it though it made it more tolerable .. How does one finally let go ??

You must find another.

I can relate to that

lol I have been with others .. it just seems like I can't let go of the big ouch .. btw I am not stalking him lol he was killed in an accident ..

What a tragedy! I think when you find the right person, your heart will move on. Time will help also. I really can't imagine the pain you are going thru, to lose someone like that.

well it has been a long time I have even been married and divorced .. I thought I had moved on but then it sneaks up on me and Bammo I am hiding behind a wall to avoid getting hurt ..

I put the wall up 4 years ago and its finally starting to crumble. I think we all do this because we're just affraid or tired of being hurt.

to me....

"letting go" is not the goal....

it is more of an integration with the present

i undestand what you are saying 199% i dont know if you ever can truly let go but the longer you drag it out the more painful it becomes

The past is sneaky that way, creeping up behind us & reentering our lives....the best way to deal with the past is to keep your eyes focused forward....
Walls?....We build our own walls....and what is its purpose?...To keep others out? or To hold something in?....
i say tear down those walls, the view is gorgeous!!!

That was me for about 5 years after the ex and I split. Time, experience, and moving through the pain helped.

That was me for about 5 years after the ex and I split. Time, experience, and moving through the pain helped.

I guess the wall is to keep from getting hurt do we really have more than 1 soul mate.. Survivor guilt is tricky ..

we have many many soul mates....imo

I had to accept that the one I lost (and myself) just were not meant to be. We were too young to be in love, and when we were older, we had both found love. Just never was meant to be. It stays with me, and from time to time, I can still feel the sting of it. But, I found someone who really does complete me, and it makes it soo much easier.

Only time, not another man, because you didn't
get your final goodbye. When you loose someone
you love, and will for a very long time, its
a feeling of deseration. It's taken me 8 years,
and you will still think of him daily. Your heart
finally lets it be ok. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Accept the fact that there is a 100% chance of getting hurt in any relationship. It's what happens after one of you realizes you hurt the other that really matters. You're running from both the good and the bad, not just the bad. Worse yet, you're running from things without knowing how good they can be. Fear has its place, especially when you see a case of beer in the passenger side of a car you're about to get into. I'd call that a valid fear. An invalid fear would likely be a reflection of what ifs, without regard to what really is. As for letting go, if there's room for more claw marks, don't do it. Meanwhile, only one person is suffering.

Thank you for all the words of wisdom - I guess part of me thinks that I should not be with anyone else .. I feel bad that I gave my heart away many years ago and am not sure that I could ever give it to anyone completely .. I have moments that I think wow he let me go finally then it seems odd and you prob will think I am crazy but I swear everytime I feel like I can move forward I hear a song that reminds me of him and I am back behind that wall - Sometimes I think that I use that wall has an excuse to not deal with what I need to deal with .. I have a great life - friends and family and hobbies and several joba to keep busy .. I hope that I will love again very soon ..

You know, some people can move on quicker than others, and there are varying reasons for it. Some people start going out after they grieve and they start just having sex. They choose to not want love, only to have the sexual aspect of being with someone else and nothing more. Strange as it sounds, they will make themselves believe that this keeps them from getting hurt, all the while satisfying a "need" they want fulfilled. But, it really isn't fulfilling and can be dangerous too. Some people decide that they will never love again, and they figure that since they lost there love that perhaps they are meant ot be alone for the rest of there life. I know someone like this and she is very content with this (so she says). But, she will give the suttle hints that tell you that she really wants someone in her life. Some people just begin to work alot, make alot of friends, and that is how they choose to live. Nothing wrong with it, but they also have that part of them that is "missing" something (which is a relationship).

Here is the thing though shoes4rhon. I am a firm believer that when you stop looking and just start living life.....that is when love comes around. You might not recognize it at first, and you might even pass it by. But it will come. Just my belief though.