wanted to share...

Look before you do a lover's leap!

So, it finally happened. You lucked out and met someone you feel
could be theeeeee one, versus the usual just another one. You are excited. And with this exuberance comes the urge to run not walk into a serious commitment.

You tell yourself if you feel this strongly, it must be real, so
why fake otherwise? You are not into playing games.

But the truth is you could be playing a big game with yourself if you rush your crush.

Your rushing might not be fueled by sheer almighty desire, but
by your inability to be alone - or your neurotic need to control
your partner and the relationship.

And, here is A Big Love Irony: Rushing love actually leads to
less control, because often when you rush that crush you are
more likely to crash that crush.

Many people who move speedily into a relationship wind up scaring off their partner or even unwittingly scaring off themselves. Suddenly they realize they have talked the talk of marriage, and as a paradoxical result, they scare their very own selves out of the very relationship they were psyched to get into.

Plus, there is also a Big Love Irony, Part Two: It doesn’t matter how fast you get somewhere, if you’re heading in the wrong direction.

Often when you rush a crush, you don’t gather enough important
information that could better help you suss out if you’re psyched about someone with long-term warm and loving compatibility -- or merely riled up over short term hot lustful chemistry. Or simply just plain old LONELY and yearning to be yearning for somebody!

For all these reasons, often speed kills when it comes to love.

Just think about what happens when you move slowly versus quickly down a street in a car. If you drive slowly, you notice many more details. If you speed, you just get a big blur of data. Well, this goes ditto on dating data.

If you enter a relationship slowly, you’re more likely to notice those deal breakers staring you in the face.

Yes, it is rather ironic that this need for speed comes from
hoping to gain more certainty about the future, and instead
leads to a lot less control well, as if any control at all
is ever possible!

Which brings me to A Big Life Irony: Control and certainty do not exist. Even quantum physicists cant control the movement of a particle in a petrie dish. And if a super smart physicist cant
control one of the teeniest objects on this planet, well, you’re
no better off trying to control your relationship.

In the end, you just have to ride the relationship out to see
where it is going. And I suggest that you do the riding very
slowly so nobody gets hurt.

Some tips to help you slow down your love engines:

Tip#1: You know how there is a 24-hour rule on buying a gun? Gun
stores make you wait, in case your emotions are too riled up to
see clearly how to best use that gun. Well, the same goes with
that loaded other kind of pistol. (Ahem, insert sexual entendre
reference here.) Always wait at least 24 to 48 hours after you’ve met a person until you sleep with them. And if possible, be sure you want to be totally exclusive with your crush before you have sex, because post-sex leads to hyper-vulnerability and uber-expectations.

Tip#2 Meet your crush's friends and family, and keep in mind
that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree ,and neither does
the bad banana. And if your crush never wants to introduce you to their friends and family, consider this a big red flag waving in your face! If your crush is taking you seriously they should want to introduce you! The absence of intros means your crush doesn’t have good friendships and family relationships. Or they are being oddly judgmental about what their friends and family might thinkabout you -- and you should find out where this judgmentalism is coming from before you get too close. Warning: Judgmentalism is a relationship obliterator! After all, none of us are perfect. Indeed being too judgmental immediately renders the highly judgmental person VERY IMPERFECT!

Tip#3 Spend three days in a row together on a vacation before
you declare it is almighty love. The goal: to see each other
without all the make up on! Not just the cosmetic make up, but
the metaphysical make up people wear to cover up and hide
those flaws.

Tip#4 Talk about deal breakers upfront so they don’t become
relationship crashers later. Find out your crushes views on
religion, money and sex and children, and preferably before
sex (and definitely before children!).

Tip#5: Be honest with yourself about the difference between
lust and love. If your crush weren’t a hottie would they be a
NOTTIE? The goal is to find someone you can have A PASSIONATE
BEST FRIENDSHIP WITH!

Remember: Looks fade -- but a bad personality is forever!

~ karen@notsalmon.com ~

wow........I thought your picture was a penis!!!

But yes........I agree on your words for the most part....

I just see a penis.....

Where can we find more stuff by this writer?