Have you ever stayed with someone whose life seemed to be going down the tubes fast? Simply because you loved them and cared for them.


If you have and they finally got their sh!t together, was all the pain, suffering, and what you lost worth it in the end?







*no advice please; just personal experiences*

sounds like your dating or with some guy who has more in common with the titanic.........dont go down with the ship!

*gong show buzzer*

No advice. Experiences only, please.

Yes



Yes and no. If I had the chance to go back and do it all over again, would I? In a heartbeat. It made me who I am today, stronger...and those 3 kids sure are cute :) --*edit*--> Though I should mention, he and I are no longer together, and his moments of "having it all together" were few and far between and never lasted long.

Close as we were, Gwen & I let the quest for gold get between us. Things got nasty for a couple yrs. Got help & rebuilt what we had & maybe better. We learned, like EVERYTHING else, a relationship takes WORK, everyday of your life.
When you quit working things go bad. Try owning a car & never maintain it. Eventually little things turn big & your walking.

Them regardless.

I am good at getting men motivated & building thier confidence. So good at at that they soon believe they can do better than me & someone else reaps the rewards.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I had a 4 year relastionship with a girl who i was constantly 'getting her sh1t together'. I thought it was the right thing to do to stick by her side and try to make it work no matter what. I helped her alot. About 2 months after my dad died, i found out she was doing coke and then she cheated on me, tried to have some guy beat me up, took everything I had, and wouldn't let me talk to her kid, who i basicly raised for 4 years.

In my expierence, people need to fall and lose it all in order to pick up the pieces and build anything that would last. usually people 'get there lifes in order' for another person, or to please something or someone. When that person has a bad day, the reason for holding it together goes away. A few bad days in a row, or if they think things arn't good, then everything falls apart.

Agreed.

Would it have been worth it to you if she had been successful?

Or, moot point?

When she did all of that, she was finally stayed at a job long enough to run the entire store, she got full custody of her son, the deadbeat dad had supervised visitation so that he would actually visit the kid, and we where living in a 3 bedroom house with a backyard. All in all, we where pretty sucessfull.

If your asking if it would of been worth it if she stuck to it, and stayed sucessfull, then no. It's when she finally felt sucessfull, that she decided to become a trainwreck again.

It took me forever to understand that it wasn't me. I became a trainwreck shortly after, myself, and had to get my stuff streight. I noticed one thing. She loved the idea of the family and white picket fences. She wanted that, but in truth, it was one of those things she just wanted to visit in her head once in a while. She didn't want to live that way. And thats ok, to each there own.

To answer your question. I've never been the type to give up on something or someone. Thats just my nature. Was it worth it if she didnt become a trainwreck? No. I lost 4 years in waiting for someone to do what they said they where going to do. I lost alot of myself. In the end, when it was all said and done, i could of walked away in the first or second year of that, and dated someone who had there life together and knew what they wanted. I tend to ask myself this one stupid question.

How much of life is lost in waiting...

Thank you

It would have been worth it for my first boyfriend, if he'd not pushed me away on his way down. I cannot stay where I'm not wanted and he refused the support I tried to offer at every turn. Or does this belong in the independent men thread...cause this is a good example of being too independent in a relationship. Stubborn man!

yes and in the end it was worth it i wouldn't change anything that we went through together

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P8C5gkd4CE&feature=related

That song explains it well. All i can say is that sometimes the best way to help someone is to walk away.

Yes.....my son's dad. We were together for 5 years. But finally I had enough.....and by the time he got his sh*t together it was too late for me.

It really is a personal choice as to how much any one of us is prepared to or capable of accepting/tolerating.

Perhaps it wasn't a fair question for the OP. No two people's answers will be exactly a like. I guess empathy and shared experiences were more what I was seeking.

In the end, we ultimately must decide for ourselves - without judgment or criticism from others, especially those we would call our friends. No one else walks in our shoes and we only have one chance to walk in them in this life.

Whatever the decision may seem to those on the outside, it is what feels right for you, what makes you satisfied on the inside. What is best for you and yours, afterall.

It's always worth it to try to help someone even if it comes to nothing.

Irony is, not everyone feels they need helping. Some that seem to be in dire trouble may be perfectly satisfied with their lives. Oftentimes, it is the people and the things around them that become the casualties of whatever the problem is.

I think thats the ultimate wisdom of today.