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| Topic: how would you feel?? | |
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Your looking to vent. Same things girls do. Guess what, guys need to do it to sometimes. It feels good to be heard. It's all good.
I've been in the same situation. First time we got back together. things where worse then where we left them after the 'honeymoon' peroid was over. 2nd time i had no choice but to leave that relastionship. She's still with the guy. I dont talk to her anymore, though she still try's to talk to me. My friends where i was at would tell me that there cheating on eachother. I ended up dropping those friends because i just didn't want to have anything to do with any of that mess anymore. Thing is, he will most likley do the same thing to her, and she will DEFENTLY do the same thing to him. It's not because your not good enough. It's not because she's not good enough. It's that you 2 just wern't right for eachother, for one reason or another. You both did things wrong in the relastionship. If it was the right person, these things would of been solved or overlooked for good. All the questioning always leads to that same thing conclusion. 11 years is a long time, and alot of memories. Your ego is hurting, your pride is not pretty much gone, i know how it feels. Just a suggestion. Don't date until you stop having that crappy feeling of seeing them. Go take a vacation. Go flirt and meet some girls. Just don't date them, because you'll end up hurting that girl, and it's not worth it. |
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I give you a TON of credit for being as mature and level-headed as you are in your post -- you must be reeling and my heart goes out to you. ditto 
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I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this. People who have never been betrayed this way do not know just how very much it hurts and can harm. It sounds like you were ready to see the truth right away. Some people live in denial of their partner's cheating for months, even years. Most of the time, the cheating is a product of problems in the relationship; a symptom, if you will. However, in a sad number of cases, the person had a past of cheating, or a roving eye - and continues to have this need. Who knows why, There are as many reasons as there are people. The deception and dishonesty is what hurts the most, especially when they are confronted and they deny, deny, deny. How can trust ever be regained if they continue, yet lie about it. You already confronted her. I know you are very angry, feel hurt, lied to, betrayed, diminished. Take the higher ground, though. If she is talking this way about him and the relationship, she probably used the affair to end yours. I'm glad she admitted it, but if she had no intentions of working it out with you and leaving him, then it was just hurtful. I would be very angry, very hurt, and very jealous. I would be depressed, yet relieved to finally know....although that is a mixed bag. It is not something I could get over easily, especially after 11 years. Actually, I had something very similar happen to me. So, I feel your pain. It is so important to me to be with someone loyal, reliable, and possessing of both honesty and personal integrity. It is vital. After you have been lied to and had your trust broken like this, it is hard enough to trust anyone. Factor into it a partner that may have had a past with infidelity and/or deceit; factor into it that there may be still a need to be desired by many; factor in the frailty of the human condition when it comes to temptation - and it can make you a bundle of nerves. Take time to heal. I send positive thoughts and wishes. I hope your next partner has none of the undesirable qualities listed above and all of the desirable qualities you most seek in a mate. Love & Light ~ Ditto...been there ....just don't make the mistake of taking her back when she realizes it was all just a fantasy and wants back in....hang in there....believe it or not...it's probably the best thing that could have happened for you...now you can find someone who REALLY loves you! |
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I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this. People who have never been betrayed this way do not know just how very much it hurts and can harm. It sounds like you were ready to see the truth right away. Some people live in denial of their partner's cheating for months, even years. Most of the time, the cheating is a product of problems in the relationship; a symptom, if you will. However, in a sad number of cases, the person had a past of cheating, or a roving eye - and continues to have this need. Who knows why, There are as many reasons as there are people. The deception and dishonesty is what hurts the most, especially when they are confronted and they deny, deny, deny. How can trust ever be regained if they continue, yet lie about it. You already confronted her. I know you are very angry, feel hurt, lied to, betrayed, diminished. Take the higher ground, though. If she is talking this way about him and the relationship, she probably used the affair to end yours. I'm glad she admitted it, but if she had no intentions of working it out with you and leaving him, then it was just hurtful. I would be very angry, very hurt, and very jealous. I would be depressed, yet relieved to finally know....although that is a mixed bag. It is not something I could get over easily, especially after 11 years. Actually, I had something very similar happen to me. So, I feel your pain. It is so important to me to be with someone loyal, reliable, and possessing of both honesty and personal integrity. It is vital. After you have been lied to and had your trust broken like this, it is hard enough to trust anyone. Factor into it a partner that may have had a past with infidelity and/or deceit; factor into it that there may be still a need to be desired by many; factor in the frailty of the human condition when it comes to temptation - and it can make you a bundle of nerves. Take time to heal. I send positive thoughts and wishes. I hope your next partner has none of the undesirable qualities listed above and all of the desirable qualities you most seek in a mate. Love & Light ~ Ditto...been there ....just don't make the mistake of taking her back when she realizes it was all just a fantasy and wants back in....hang in there....believe it or not...it's probably the best thing that could have happened for you...now you can find someone who REALLY loves you! Aye, i agree. I use to say i wasted 4 years. Now i'm glad it wasnt 6. You wouldn't believe how many pretty girls, that are nice and honorable are out there. |
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Just read this. Sorry you had to go through that. What ever you
do- don't take her back, and don't go doing anything stupid in retaliation. There are better ones out there believe me. Keep venting- it will help get the anger out. I wasted 14 years of my life with someone who cheated alot, but he never admitted it. He used to take off and disapear alot too. I like a fool would allways let him back. He would beg my forgiveness and I would cave. Finally one day I had enough of his crap, and when he hit the road that time- I never looked back. He knew I was done with him, and all that had gone on. I found out he used alot of ladies and not just me. For all I know he is still out there doing it still. I have been a whole lot happier and have been single for along time since, but I would never go back there again. |
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If after an 11 yr relationship, where you gave up just about everything you had, you found out your other half was cheating. So you confront her (or him) and they deny it and deny it and deny it.. but you know theres something going on.. so you ask the person to leave your home..(so you can absorb everything)and they move in that night with the person you suspected them of cheating with? To top it off.... they live less then a mile from me where I have to pass everyday.. so I get to see her SUV there,his car there. How would you feel?? Would you be angry, hurt, or jealous?? Would you want to stop and confront them? Would you be depressed.. or relieved? Its been 3 weeks now.. and yes shes made contact with me.. yes shes admitted to it. Shes only known this person 1 month. Shes told me how much she loves him,and how much he loves her...she had the odacity to tell me how much sex they have.. etc.. Ive put a stop to her contacting me.. havent heard from her since last Thursday.. But I still hurt.. Im still angry... but having to pass them everyday is what kills... now.. how would you be feeling?? I don't think it's really important how I'd feel about it. You're living it. Pray for their happiness, and quickly, before the infatuation fades, get her to sign the divorce papers. |
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having someone to talk to is great......I would suggest counselng also......there is nothing wrong with being healthy.
it does get better with time.....I was there once too! |
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