My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck is-the-room-spinning medicine.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

Procrastinate Now!

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

I smile because I don't know what the h--- is going on.

thats cute

Thanks.

heres one winx... why cant a alcoholic sing?..becuz he only knows one note mi-mi-mi-mi-mi

And that song lasts thru the beginning of recovery too.

Winx, LOT'S of new ones for me!!! THANK YOU FOR THE GOOD CHUCKLERS!!!

Thanks, SKPCG.

There were new ones for me too.

i've always used "I'd much rather be a smart@$$ rather than a dumb@$$" and yes i have copy rights to it so you can't use it!

They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

Winx, Do you feel lonely? Your voices are talking to me.

No we aren't.

Yes you are.

good stuff, winx!!

Thats hilarious

My faves:

Funny.

3 chuckles on the laugh of meter

I have to call from my car. The phone booth was occupied by a super hero.

Sorry.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Im schizophrenic
And so am I

Thanks Winx - you gave me something to smile about...religous differences, I'll have to remember that....