I'm beaten down, life is taking it's toll on me at this moment, and I don't know how much I can handle anymore. My issues are weighing heavily on my mind, and yet it seems like I'm powerless to overcome them. I'm forever hanging over the pit, a deep dark abyess far below me.

I try and try to escape, and yet I fail, always going back to the life I know, the life I've lived for half of my time here, despite the negative effects that have come with such a life. Sometimes I don't think I want to move on, but would rather stay back in that life, like it's easier to just accept it then to try to battle it head on.

I never can seem to do anything right otherwise, can't hold a job. Of the 3 I've had, including the current one, none have lasted more then a week. I always end up screwing it up, whether it wasn't being fast enough in the pizza shop, breaking beer bottles in the party store, or being late to hand out pizza flyers, something always goes wrong, it's never good enough.

I can never please my family, always being berated or yelled at for this, that or the other thing. There's always an argument about one thing or another in the house, hardly ever a moment's peace.

Many days and nights I spend alone in my room, on the computer, watching TV or sleeping. Feel better off then then when I try to talk with my family about anything really. Never goes well, and we end up fighting about something inevitably, so why bother even trying? What's the point if you already know the outcome?

I know I need to continue on, but I don't know that I can. I'm so fed up with everything, my life is in such disarray, almost beyond repair it seems like. I'm just plain distraught.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ1AoGYHg7M&feature=related
something that you might can relate to

Yes I can definitely relate to that, especially the driving part, I still don't have my license, and seems like no one believes I can do it. Just another thing that I can't ever do good enough.......

Turn it over.

read your bible, and know that jesus loves you

as crazy as this sounds,..we create our own reality,..if were thinkin negative thoughts,.. attracts negative sh**

Consider a professional/clinical evaluation.

You may have a serious psychiatric condition that is impairing your ability to function in multiple domains of your life.

If this is true, you can be professionally monitored and treated so that you can function!!

Good luck and be well....

This is true, easy to think that way sometimes though.

I don't know, don't totally buy into that technical stuff, no offense of course.

You don't totally have to buy into the technical stuff for it to help.....it could save your life by at least pointing you in the direction of where you can go to get help so that you can go on.

At least if you know what the problem is, you can then decide for yourself how it is that you will proceed...you would make that decision.

Well said AngelLight.

Kleisto, stay positive. and I suggest professional/clinical evaluation. I've been through some counseling, at first I didn't think highly of it. After I went and saw how it helped I changed my attitude about it. You'd be surprised there are many options out there for you to choose from. Good Luck.

Having suffered from "clinical" depression myself, your situation sounds familiar to me. Though I am not qualified to make that judgment. However, I will tell you this, that I have learned; clinical depression is not an emotional problem, it is a physical illness. The brain produces different neurotransmitters. One of these is responsible for mood, in the brain of a person with depression, these are reabsorbed too quickly and you feel depressed. If on the other hand you don't reabsorb enough you become manic. All the talking and therapy in the world will not help if this is the case. It would be like trying to talk your way through the chicken pox. The good news is that there are some VERY effective meds on the market today to treat this disorder. Unlike the older meds that made a person feel almost as bad as the depression, these just make you feel normal.

I have said all that to say this. Go see a professional and get diagnosed and treated. I would recommend a psychiatrists rather than a psychologist first. Since a psychiatrist can prescribe meds and a psychologist will just be able to talk about how crappy you are feeling.

Good luck and remember that tomorrow always holds hope for change.

James

it`s almost like a math formula,..1 + 3 = 4 x 8 = and we get an answer,..but all those little thoughts in-between add up in the equation,..and that`s how we get the results we do,..ie

I`m angry + I`m hurting = sad x`s all my fricken life = depression

but the thing is there are times when we feel happy,..feel good about ourselves,..and our accomplishments but they get pushed way back into the mind,..but maybe if we think on these positive qualities,..it could bring forth positve results,..


our chemical cocktails,..dictate our existance,..you CAN change your life by your thinkin,..

OK,..now I just writing this for myself,..