I am an single mom and I was with someone for over a year. He suddenly
died of a massive heart attack and now my two children whom were not
his, can not stand to sleep or do anything without mom. They have said
they do not want mommy to talk to another man or even go out with
friends. How do I get them to understand that I too need to have an
life. By the way, before my boyfriend I had not dated since their daddy
left 15 days before christmas. I too am gun shy, but feel that I need
more then just children conversation 24/7. Does anyone have any advice
for me?

How old are the kids? boys? girls?

Two boys 5 and 6

I have 2 boys, 9 and 5. They've just been through a divorce and they
even have a new man in mom's life. I'm proud of them. This is no way
close to what you're kids have been through, But my point is, Kids are
tougher than you think.
Give them some time. I know you need companionship. But as some of
the good ladies on this sight have pointed out to me, Your kids come
first. In time they'll be ready.

If you have someone to sit with the boys, There's no law against not
telling them you're seeing someone. You'd probably be better off knowing
someone well before meeting the boys anyway.

Since day one my boys are my life and they have always and will always
come first. I just feel that sometimes I would like to go out and have
fun. They are with me all the time. I have taught them how to play
football, baseball and soccer. They are in scouts and my oldest is
getting ready for football. I just hoped I could take time once every
few months and have mommy time.

Only one time have I had my children meet someone. I would not introduce
them to someone unless it was to get serious and proably then I wouldn't
let them meet him until 6mths or longer. they are young and I do not
want to upset them.

get together with a few other moms in your community and talk about this
with them, set up a day each month that one of the moms takes the kids
and has kid night at their place and the res of the moms go out for
dinner and a movie or whatever then the next month that mom that stayed
in goes out and another mom takes her turn with stayin with the kids.

Also sit down with your boys and explain to them that mommy time is
important, that they have their friends and spend time with them so
mommies need their own friends and to spend time with them. Its
important that parents h ave time to themselves and other grown ups to
talk to, you cannot spend your whole life with your kids, its not good
for any of you.

That's an excellent idea Chubby. Good luck to you. If you ever want to
talk, e-mail me. I'm in the same boat.

go to cafemom.com and u will meet moms in ur area. its a great site.

I would love to do that, but down here nobody wants to take time to get
together. You have to be born and raised here to pretty much fit in.
Even the local jobs are very hard to get on, if you are not from here.
Thanks for the advice, I am still going to try and find moms who want to
do that. I spend lots of time at the school in the kid's classes, so
hopefully I will finally met a parent who would like to do this. I have
sat down with the kids and told them I would like mommy time, but all I
get is lots and lots of tears. I can't leave them when they are doing
that, I feel guilty and really bad for them.

Thanks sherrie and big glen I will keep trying.

your children's emotional needs should definitely come first.

wait until they are ready for you to move on before doing so...put more
energy into them and into platonic friendships, and as time passes, they
will heal. you probably need healing yourself.

lulu,
Thanks, yes we do need to heal and I would love to have platonic
friends. I am here for my boys at all times and we do have a open and
honest communication. They know they can tell mommy everything and I do
not hide anything from them. Except when I am on this website, they
think I am doing homework.

Mommysangels,
You're a good person with your kids best interest at heart. It will
work out for you. I wish you the best, and just like the ladies told me,
Be patient. I mean what I said, Write me anytime.

Thanks bigglenn, I will write you soon. I am very patient, especially
with two wild boys who seem to be unable to sit for 5 minutes. Thanks
for all the advice

Hey mommysangel.... I know exactly what you mean....my kiddos have lost
two fathers. They were 4 and 2 the first time and third grade and
kindergarten the second time. They don't remember their real father
much. They cried every single night though....I found that setting a
time aside each night that was peaceful and quiet really helped. They
both crawled into our big rocker with me and I read aloud to
them....James and the Giant Peach will always have a special place in my
heart. Both would fall asleep to the sound of my voice. We also got
kitties..that helped. Then four years later I met a WONDERFUL man, but
he died of cystic fibrosis. They were DEVASTATED!!!!!!Here's what I
think....yes you need time to go out and enjoy being a woman. Go out
when they are spending the night with friends or get a babysitter and
tell them you are going to a party for friends. But before you do
that...set aside time each day where you only focus on them and your
time together. Meaning you are playing a card game, any game....picnic
at the park, something where the activity itself does not distract from
the attention you have on each other. As your nourish and tend their
little wounded spirits..hearts...they will see the world in a different
light! Kids are very tough .....they learn how to handle tragedy by
watching you. If you teach them that families and friends stand by each
other and comfort each other then they will always have an open heart.
Open hearts have the potential to let another person enter their
treasured world with you!!!
I hope this helps you in some way. I will pray for your family. If you
ever need to talk I am here. Tend the family garden and then tend your
own precious garden. Taking care of you will only make you a better
mommy!!!!

Thanks mistyblue! I do have a time every night and we read and do
activities on the computer through pbs.com and of course power rangers.
They are strong kids and since they have not talked to dad in about 2
years. I know they will adjust it is just hard to get them to
understand. thanks

I was a single mom before I met my husband. My kids didn't want me to
have a boyfriend, they would insult every guy I would go out with. But
when they met my husband for the first time they just loved him. A 1
year later they practically begged us to get married. So don't worries
when the right guy comes your kids will know and love him.

I think mistyblue is right... hang in there... kids are incredible...
they need you a lot right now... they'll be your best friends when they
grow up and will eventually understand that you need time for yourself,
too.
Ocean