stay with guys even when they know their relationship is bad, non-existent or even dangerous. Is it codependency, lonliness, or a combination of things? Have any of you ever been in this sort of situation? My ex is living with a guy who is emotionally void, ignores her on a regular basis, and says hurtful things frequently without even a second thought. One of my best friends is separated from her husband, yet she can't bring herself to file the divorce papers. This despite the fact she sleeps with a loaded pistol under her pillow because her husband exhibits sociopathic traits. I just don't get it. Is that because a guy could never understand, or is there no understanding it?

cut the drama out of you life jmo

It's because he has a "Big Wang"

For some it might be a dependancy. But, you also have to keep in mind...the guy didn't start out that way. They usually start out charming and sweet and everything you think you want, they say and do all the right things. Then, they get you caught up in the relationship and they change...they start controlling little things, your friends and family until you're isolated almost. They belittle you and tear you down over time...like water over a rock...until you're just pebbles and sand. You convince yourself that you're over-reacting, or that they're just "going through a bad time...just be supportive and things will go back to how they were". You feel like there's no one else out there for you, and better the known devil than the unknown. Or..anything is better than nothing. It's why it's so hard for friends and family to help women in that position because no matter how many times they help get the woman out...unless she herself is done, she'll always go back. It's more of a self esteem issue, and the longer they were in the relationship...the worse it is.

been there, done that and you 1) hope for change and 2) settle and 3) sometimes going is scarier than staying. but in the end you have leave and it really does make you stronger. IMHO

I think it has alot to do with fear of change. And remember, people in these bad situations didn't start out with the situation so bad. It is something that develops slowly and you get used to dealing with a little bit at a time. Each thing is minor at the beginning and they think it's no big deal, it can be handled. The problem is it keeps getting worse.

its b/c most of the time relationships don't start out dysfunctional. Abusive relationships develop over time and during that time, if the men are the abuser, the women's self-esteem is widdled down to nothing. When you are in the middle of that kind of situation, you can't see a way out.

As a friend, offer your help or support, like them know that you are being sincere, and back up from the situation b/c things can turn on a dime.

[the same situation above happens to men too! its just that most don't seek out professional help]

i concur!

I agree with Tanya, and I think it's important to add that you really need to avoid criticism as much as possible because it puts the person in a position where they feel like it's their job to defend. They will try to defend everything, and whatever they can't defend, they will try to justify.

[the same situation above happens to men too! its just that most don't seek out professional help]
so the humour takes care of it

wow, thanks for the insight blue box

wtf ?

blue box has been reported!

Yes, I am in a relationship that is bad. I stay for the sake of my kids. Do not judge me until you know the full story. There is a valid reason why and it is a damn good one.

im guilty.... imnot affraid of being alone or affraid of being independent either.... my reason is like tanya said... was very good for some time ... then became abbusive.... id say hope in me for the past of the good times etc to come back... and the dreams i had of that wonderful person i was with... to come back and be the way they were at one point

Stayed with my first husband 7 yrs..and the abuse was horrific at times. Back when we were married they didn't have women's shelters like they do today. I couldn't go home to my parents- for certain reasons. So..I suffered for 7 yrs. saving every cent I could possibly get, without him finding out..and the day he touched my son is the day I said no more. Different women have different reasons for staying.....In my own opinion though- abusers don't change, you can try counseling, talking till your blue in the face, believe them when they say they will never do it again- until the next time-......

i like coming home to my husband every night, after we smash cups all over the house we then have pancake fights ..

okay maybe not the cup part

or husband part

or pancake part awww