My **** is so big; it has tonsils.

My **** is so big; it has bark.

My **** is so big; it can only be measured in theory.

My **** is so big; it has a horizon.

My **** is so big; I can **** the ocean.

My **** is so big; sometimes it jerks me off.

My **** is so big; that when I fly, it has to take the train.

My **** is so big; FedEx won’t insure it.

My **** is so big; it was impeached by Congress.

My **** is so big; it’s got its own gang sign.

My **** is so big; it could eat a horse.

My **** is so big; Florida had to measure it twice.

My **** is so big; it snubbed the Oscars.

My **** is so big; it has a north pole.

My **** is so big; it has gaskets.

My **** is so big; it killed its ex-wife and got away with it scott free.

My **** is so big; I rent it out for weddings and Bar-Mitzfahs.

My **** is so big; I run three-legged races by myself.

My **** is so big; my urologist is a Sherpa.

My **** is so big; it’s not just famous, it’s IN famous.

My **** is so big; it has a stunt double.

My **** is so big; you must be at least 48 inches to ride.

My **** is so big; that I look like its **** in front of it.

My **** is so big; one side never sees the sun – it’s the dark side of my ****.

My **** is so big; it has a vanity plate that reads 1 BG DK.

My **** is so big; it has nostrils

My **** is so big; I can **** a car wash.

My **** is so big; it has a nucleus.

My **** is so big; it has a drink named after it. It’s called Slow Gin ****.

My **** is so big; that there’s not enough earth to bury me with it.

My **** is so big; “Oh Yeah” is its theme song.

My **** is so big; it was framed for murder as part of an intricate prescription drug scandal.

My **** is so big; the Pope has blessed it.

My **** is so big; compasses do not function properly around it.

My **** is so big; VH1 is letting it host an episode of “The List”.

My **** is so big; Al Gore invented it.

My **** is so big; premature ejaculation takes ninety minutes.

My **** is so big; I’m listed as an organ donor twice on my driver’s license.

My **** is so big; black holes fall into it.

My **** is so big; it was on a Wheaties box.

My **** is a VIP, Very Important Penis.

My **** is so big; the Romans named their God, Simplyvs Hvges Giganticvs Erectia ****vs, after it.

My **** is so big; it has a commemorative stamp.

My **** is so big; it has its own entourage.

My **** has a sunrise and sunset.

My **** is so big; sperm banks pay interest.

My **** is so big; it puts out 300kW – Standard!

My **** is so big; I have to sell it wholesale.

My **** is so big; it has stretch marks.

My **** is so big; it’s wanted in nine states, and Canada.

My **** is so big; they cold run the Indy 500 on it, with no turns.

My **** is so big; it’s getting its own State Quarter.

My **** is so big; it sleeps with one eye open.

My **** is so big; it has training wheels.

My **** is so big; someone once used it as a lifeline on, ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire?”

My **** is so big; my erections cause a total eclipse.

My **** is so big; black people say “He’s got a big ass ****.”

My **** is so big; I use it to spear fish.

My **** is so big; VH1 did a “Behind the Music” about it.

My **** is so big; I lost my legs in Vietnam and can still drive a manual.

My **** is so big; they ride it in rodeos.

My **** is so big; the LAPD used it to beat Rodney King.

My **** is so big; when I get aroused, the Earth develops an elliptical orbit.

My **** is so big; it’s in a boy band with four other big ****s.

My **** is so big; it’s a government scapegoat.

My **** is so big; it has its own seat in Congress.

My **** is so big; it’s worshipped as a Pagan God.

My **** is so big; I can change channels without the remote.

My **** is so big; I can smuggle 14 kilos of crack, 9 stolen cars, and 5 illegal immigrants across the border in it.

My **** is so big; it has its own zip code.

My **** is so big; it sank the Titanic.

My **** is so big; it’s the opening act for KISS’s farewell tour.

My **** is so big; the great wall of China is just a guide rail for me to tour the country.

My **** is so big; Saddam was found hiding in it.

My **** is so big; it makes the Grand Canyon scream “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

My **** is so big; the government is suing it for anti-trust violations.

My **** is so big; if I were a porn star, I could only make movies in Widescreen.

My **** is so big; it has its own fraternity, Delta Theta ****.

My **** is so big; it has an ego.

My **** is so big; it has its own line of hip hop clothing.

My **** is so big; I have to stand in the hall when I take a piss.

My **** is so big; it won the Nobel Peace Prize.

My **** is so big; Scott Adams writes a cartoon about it. It’s called “****bert”.

My **** is so big; it played Daddy Warbucks on Broadway.

My **** is so big; it gives me an allowance.

My **** is so big; it IS the government.

My **** is so big; it is a tax write-off.

My **** is so big; when in Leno’s mouth you can’t see his chin.

My **** is so big; it was a bouncer at Studio 54.

My **** is so big; it’s sectional.

My **** is so big; the man always be tryin’ to keep it down.

My **** is so big; it hangs out on the set of “Friends”.

My **** is so big; I can play mailbox baseball while driving.

My **** is so big; Alan Greenspan uses it to raise interest rates.

My **** is so big; I decorate it at Christmas time.

My **** is so big; if I didn’t sleep on my side, planes would crash into it at night.

My **** is so big; the doctor had to use a chainsaw to circumcise me.

My **** is so big; they use Sequoias to test my condoms.

My **** is so big; Calvin Klein named a fragrance after it. It’s called CK My ****.

My **** is so big; I have to use a complex irrigation system just to take a piss.

My **** is so big; it used to be a Harlem Globetrotter.

My **** is so big; it stormed the beach at Normandy.

My **** is so big; it affects the weather.

My **** is so big; it’s my boss.

My **** is so big; it gets manicures.

My **** is so big; it has an axle.

My **** is so big; it has a brain.

My **** is so big; it has a reinforced foundation.

My **** is so big; many consider it the Eighth Wonder of the World.

My **** is so big; it is the internet.

My **** is so big; it is Santa Claus.

My **** is so big; it has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

My **** is so big; it can stand up.

My **** is so big; I can **** a volcano.

My **** is so big; I have to stow it in the overhead bin on planes.

My **** is so big; it has it’s own time zone – Central **** Time.

My **** is so big; it was recently split into two area codes.

My **** is so big; it was part of the human evolution.

My **** is so big; it could feed Ethiopia for a month.

My **** is so big; it has a moon.

My **** is so big; it has branches.

My **** is so big; movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and my ****.

My **** is so big; it graduated a year before I did.

My **** is so big; a homeless family lives underneath it.

My **** is so big; there was once a movie called Godzilla VS. My ****.

My **** is so big; we use it at parties as a limbo pole.

My **** is so big; I was once in Ohio and got a blowjob in Tennessee.

My **** is so big; Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.

My **** is so big; I entered a big-**** contest and it came in first, second and third.

My **** is so big; the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.

My **** is so big; I’m already ****ing a girl tomorrow.