i have a teenager and he is a handful. he is totally out of control. i
thought i was going to loose my mind. what do you do with a teenager
that is out of control

WELL ....Back when my son was a teenager i put the fear of god in his
ass ,and convinced him growing up that i had a bat with his name written
all over it worked for me.

spare th rod,spoil th child?
no...

right now,he is coming into his own,give him more responsibility
make him find a job,make him pay some bills...

the more he learns now how to support himself,
th sooner he will be able to

he is only 14 and he can't even take care of cats liek feeding them and
making sure they have water. all he care about is his games and himself

Mine started that in 8th grade and I laid down the law. He actually
thought he would skateboard his way through highschool...literally! So I
told him to choose band, ROTC or theatre tech before entering
highschool. He chose band since he is a drummer. Let me tell you, he
doesn't have all that much time to mess up because the band, especially
in the fall is either practicing or at a football game. So he knows he
can't quit and at this point he doesn't want to .....
But there was this one night in 8th grade that he completely got in my
face. I'm a single parent so I had to remind him that I was both
parents. His anger was raw and I took him down in a headlock on the
floor. I wasn't hurting him at all but he couldn't get up and at that
time we where the same size. From that point on he'll blow up but then
walk away...but ALWAYS comes and apologizes and wants to cuddle....go
figure!

i wish i could do that with him but i can't. i jsut let his grandfather
deal with him and his uncle in which we will be begging me forgiveness
when he gets home

Yup i was mom and dad to and it must be something about boys and that
age that does it cause i had to wrestle mine down to at that age ,
BOY'S..........

Misty you are so cool, way to go, I am so glad you handled you son that
way and he respects you for it.

Mama, don't know what to tell you, thank goodness you have adult males
around to help you.

When I was raising my daughter by myself I didn't have anyone and she
was totally out of control. She ended up in foster care after coming
after me with a butcher knife (I took the phone out of the house because
she refused to go to school - wanted to stay home and talk on the phone
all day - she was 11) anyway - she went to foster care after that. She
was running around, found out later she had a borderline personality
disorder, a whole other ballgame, thank God you don't have to deal with
that. Just normal teenager stuff. Her dad was alcoholic and abusive,
and pulled all kinds of head trips on her. I would just stay firm with
your son with the rules and keep telling him you love him, don't know
what else to do. Damn hormones anyway.

I told my doctor one time they should invent a pill, to keep kids from
going through puberty while they were at home, then when they left home,
they could stop taking the pill and go through puberty while they were
out of the house and away from the parents and take it out on each
other.

WOW... Marie that is intense..they really need to do more research with
personality disorders at that age...I'm a middle school teacher and it
is amazing what is out there and no one has to the right tools or
training to help out appropriately.....kids keep you young and on your
toes. That is for sure!

Yeah, she was born in '74, so I am sure they know more now, but was a
nightmare back then and a small town, limited resources, etc. I even
went so far as to drive her to school and watch her go in, she went in
the front door and out the back. Talked to the school counselor, could
see her go and sit at his desk, would get up from there when she was
done and walk out the back door, was hanging out at a house with a bunch
of Mexicans, smoking and drinking beer even then at her ripe old age.
She OD'ed over not wanting to go to school, hospitalized for 4 weeks at
Childrens, then the following year when they put her in foster care,
faked an OD, back to Childrens for another 4 weeks, then the following
year I had to put her in drug and alcohol treatment for 5 weeks. Was a
nightmare. Did the best I could, but had my ex telling her he loved us
and wanted to come home but I wouldn't let him or we would be a family
and she hated my guts because of that, but he was violent and beat me,
and pulled guns, etc. He would have killed us if I had let him come
back, I know in my bones that he would have. The booze was rotting his
brain, he actually died from the booze killing his heart when he was 45
and she was 18. She is 32 now and is outgrowing some of it, but still
makes stupid decisions and can't hold a job, and bad choices in men,
etc.

You know I truly believe that God saves a special little place in heaven
for moms.....you are one incredibly strong woman!

Thank you, I even had counselors tell me to kick her out. One doctor
told me to move and not leave a forwarding address. After all was said
and done, one counselor complimented me and told me that I stuck it out,
that he didn't know of any other parents that would have put up with
what I did, that he had seen parents throw their kids out for less, that
she was lucky she had me, because I stood behind her no matter how bad
it got.
That made me feel good, after all those years of crap.

Thank you for the kind words, but I think you are amazing, I enjoy
reading your posts on here and your wisdom. Good luck with your son.
Take care.

Thank you Marie! I don't know if you believe that children in heaven
choose their parents or not but I do.....maybe she chose you because she
knew you would stay the course with her. God made sure you could!!!!!!!!

Thank you Misty, wasn't so sure at the time, and even now, she is trying
my patience at 32, but oh well, she needs to grow up.

Have a great night. Hope my grandkids are lucky enough to have teachers
like you when they get to school. Take care.

well im a teen age'er my self-
what my parent done to me growing up was take away my most prized
belongings and they would not reaturn them untill i was acting the way
they thought i should!- worked every time with me! but unforchanley what
may work for one child does not always work on anouther.reambeer when
you were a teenager?- what did your parents do to you to make you stop
acting up? try it with him. try doing more family activetey's maybe he
wants more attention or maybe he wants more freedom. I think he most
learn reasponiblity!- IF HE WANTS THOSE CATS OF HIS MAKE SHUR HE TAKES
CARE OF THEM- OR PLACE THEM IN A DIFFRENT HOME!- you cant always do
things for him or he'll never learn and walk all over you!- & i should
know im a teen my-self!

hey 69... most teenagers are spoiled and LAZY nowdays!!

Congratulations on meeting him eye to eye misty. That was the best
thing you could have done. I am glad to hear that there are some
parents still wiling to do what is neccesary to straighten their kids
out (and I do not mean abuse).

Marie, I am sorry you went through all this, and your right some of it
IS the fatehrs fault for trying to alienate you. And that is exactly
what he was doing. The only concern I have is whether or not your
daughter truly had a borderline disorder, sometihng more serious or just
a rebellious nature that fueld by her fathers actions grew worse.

The reason I ask, is my ex wife was first diahnosed with borderline
personality when she left Iraq. The wya it has been described to me, a
borderline personality disorder is someone that is literaly on the edge
between different personalities. He or She show SOME signs of multiple
disorders, but can not truly be defined as one particular issue. In
other words, the doctor does not know what is wrong, and is cya witht he
statement of borderline. That last thought is my own though (about
cya). After about a yar, my wife transgressed further down to BiPolar,
and schizophrenia. Now there are doctors that will tell you it is
impossible to have both of those illnesses, but she was diagnosed with
both.

Also, your daughter and I are the same age, and I remember when I was in
High School, at least in michigan, there were a lot of "breakthroughs"
in Psychiatry etc involving children. From what I have seen a lot of
them were bogus. Just like the medicine ridlin becoming a cure-all foir
everything. "oh your child has behavior problems, here use riddlin. Oh
your child is moody? Here use riddlin" I kno wI am kinda fuzzy here,
lol (still half asleep) but I think you understand what I have been
saying.

Aside from allthat though, I am glad that you did everything you could
to help your daughter, to include putting her into foster care, when it
came to the point that you couldnt help. That had to be a very vile
issue for you. Relief on one hand, yet asking what kind of mother are
you on the other. Personally, btw, I think you were a very responsible
mother and a very loving mother to do what was right. And I am glad to
know that you are still in touch with her and that she has gotten
better, even if only a little.
Keep on going, and hold your head high. You are a great parent as your
son can show.

well thats easy you get him in control. you should of asked how to
get him in control. in any event i dont know so i cant help you sorry

Well, when my two older ones where teenagers and there wasn't anything
more to do, I shipped them off to their dads. I'm not much help sorry.

Sometimes though Greyhound that is all you can do... And if the other
parent is not an option, maybe a grandparent or an aunt/ uncle. Someone
just to give you a break and the child a break, so you can both calm
down and relax. There is a good program in Michigan(dont know about
naywhere else) called C.O.R.Y.S. place. It started out as a rescue
shelter for runaways, etc. they now provide counseling and intervention
for families. If neccesary you can make arrangements to drop the
troubled teen off with them for someting like 24 or 48 hours, long
enough to get some personal control back. Theny ou go into counseling
with the teen and by yourself, in order to figue out what and how to di
anything to resolve the issue and help the child to resolve their
issues. it is a great program. And with it being all volunteeer on
your part, the courts are not involved, nor is cps, unles syou involve
them.