my partner wants to join the army and im not feeling so supportive of his idea. Im a child of a vietnam vetran and life hasn't been so easy and based on my experiences of living with someone who's been to war makes me feel very cautious about planning a future with my partner with the prospects that he might not be around alot and if he does go to war the effects thats going to have on him and the relationship in the future.

my partner seems a little naive about the whole idea of going to wars thinking it will be challenging and fun.

am i being selfish to think that i can't be with someone just based on this...im really not sure if i can handle all the emotions that come with it all ive been trying to get away from it all my life how can i spend the rest of my life with in the same state just with a different person...

anyone have any suggestions to how or what to say to my partner that im worried

Hmm, well does he have an idea of what your father went through in Vietnam?

Be honest about your concerns, and check the selfish feelings until after you have talked. But most important, let him know you will be there no matter what the decision is

No.
Not unreasonable, most guys doesn;t know what the millitary is about unless they join and start stuff and get a bit far,
Killing people aint fun..at that moment it doesnt seem very adventourous

I cannot advise you what to do. All I can say is my dad was a police officer, in an incredibly dangerous and stressful position. It wasn't easy growing up with that and for that reason, I won't ever date a cop. It might be wrong, but I don't want to ever live with that kind of stress again. Good luck to you

I understand.......my son wants to be a soldier.......I said over my dead body!!! He thinks its like the video games........

I don't think it's selfish at all to feel those things. I've thought about it a lot, whether or not I could handle being with someone in the military... or any other dangerous job... and I don't know if I could do it. I'd be worried all the time. Some people are cut out for that... it takes a very strong heart and a lot of faith. I'd make sure you expressed to him all that you're feeling and what your fears are. Ask him to think of it as if you were in his place.

Went through that with mine but thankfully, he's ineligible for the military after his accident last year. Who knew I'd be so grateful for that?

no definitely not at all...i'm in the navy right now and if you are already having concerns about than i'd STRONGLY suggest that you voice your concerns with him NOW before it is too late. I'm in the middle of a divorce partly because of how often i was gone. Yes the woman has to give up A LOT and it takes an EXTREMELY strong woman to be a military wife. It is not selfish to want to spend time with your partner, and not worry about the stress. But you may want to look at yourself as well and ask do YOU think you could handle it? if not...than there's your answer and it leaves it up to him

let me give an example....i've seen my wife for 4 months out of the last year and a half....

Ive decided iM going to arm wrestle the 6 ft kid........and then sit on him......he is scared of little mama!!!

Or better yet: Full Metal Jacket

I seen jarhead.......movie was terrible!!!

Inevitabley our favourite movie is Band of Brothers but........anyways he isnt in america right now......good thing or he would prolly want to join the marines when he graduated!!

Nothing against the marines but he is my only child and I couldnt bear anything to happen to him!!

the army made me grow up quick but it is NOT for everyone, he should REALLY think it through before he enlists!!!

No, you're not being unreasonable. Just be honest with him about the concerns you're having.

What job does he want to have while in the Army? This makes a HUGE difference seeming how there are hundreds of jobs out there and only about 3 or 4 that would put you in any sort of harms way.

Another thing i wanna point out, is sometimes people get these crazy ideas that they need to prove something to themselves. Unfortunately these ideas are only fullfilled by carrying out thd action. Sad part is most people get pretty dissappointed while attempting to do so. But it may still be necessary.

My biggest concern is that he sees war as being fun and exciting. He WILL be very dissapointed. I am a combat veteran, trust me, i KNOW.

The only thing i might suggest is that you find some way of postponing it. Tell him, hey, if your leaving for the army we need to make preparations. I really don't know how or what but just find SOME excuse that he will accept that will put things off a bit. Maybe, a while, he will out grow this need. But that's all the advice i can really offer.

I was a military wife during peace time. Cannot imagine what it would have been like during a time of war. It is extremely stressful under the best of cirumstances. Your decisions are no longer your own. The military will tell him/her where and how to live. If you decide to go along, you may have to uproot your life frequently or learn to live by yourself for long periods of time. Some people can handle this, lots of folks can't. Very high divorce rate among members of the military. If you can, see if there is a military couple in your circle of friends/family that may be able to meet with you both and give you some first hand insight.
Good luck to you!

Anyboody who thinks there are only three or four jobs out there that woudl put you in harms way hasnt been to Iraq.

There is nothing fun, glamourous, or entertaining about killing and having someone try to kill you, it just sucks all the way around.

War is not fun.

Joining the military is fine, if you are joining the military because you want to go to war, then you are a huge freaking idiot and not someone I would want to be around.

Yes. Tell him if he leaves you'll cheat. If he loves you, he'll consider an alternate career with a shorter commute.

i suppose there are different degrees of "harms way" So i guess i should have elaborated. You have the infantry (with medics and sometimes forward observers) that are kicking down doors and in unsecured locations every single day. then you have the other 85% of the armed forces that may here stories and every once in a while a mortor round will drop half a klick from them. I stand behind this as i was kicking doors.