Yes Gryphyn you are so right we do tend to look at the next
relantionships differnt and what we want or expect from the next person
and some have to be careful not to get our expections soooooo high that
we can not find all those qualitys in a person it is not to lower our
standards but to realize sometimes it is hard to find someone that is
totaly perfect there could be small things that the goood outway.

Onlark I hear you loud and clear in the last 15 years I have raised my 2
kids myself and bought my own house as well and said I would neve be
left with out a house again. But if the right one came along I would be
willling to give my all to make it work. I know my first marriage I did
all I could to keep it together so even tho it is no more I fell as if I
gave my 100% but it don't work if only one is trying both must try. But
I would never say that I would not want to pamper the one I love or do
the little things actually believe the older I have gotton the more I
want those kinda of things.

Txs, I'm not arguing with you at all. I am in a relationship with a
very nice gentleman. I do put 100% into it, but I'm in this
relationship with my eyes wide open. I'm really falling for this guy,
but am being cautious and taking this slowly.

I been fouding out more of myself then every since i been on this sight.
I guss its because i finly started to open my heart up to people . I
never you let people in because of trust problems. When you are told who
to date who to marry and what to do you learn to be a robot. Now since i
got sorry about the bun BALLS to tell them its my live and i will do
what i want & see & talk to who i want. Even when i did not live at home
i was told who to see & talk to you could say i was sold in a way they
where sent to me. You should ask people about there live before you
judge. Try having a mother thats so jelous of you that she riunes every
relaition ship you ever been in. So dont be afraid to ask a real
qustaion you might be surpised at the answer. DIZZYDEAN

Dean, I'm so sorry you have such a controlling mother . . . you must be
an only child?? I have one son and he means everything to me. But I
would NEVER consider trying to run his life. He lives on his own and is
engaged to be married. I offer advice when asked, and ONLY when asked.
He's an adult and I treat him as an adult; we are friends. Maybe you
need to break free of the apron strings.

But Onlark see your are doing all those things yes we must go into a
relantionship with our eyes wide open but like you said the trust is
there you are just taken it slow one day at a time and you are enjoying
the other person.

Ohh beside not an arguement just a Debate I would rather call it I like
to get the imput of others in for all think differnt about life it is
refreshing to hear how each person has solved there problems or the way
they aproach life persay.

NOPE i am the oldest my brother is 26 years old and has never whent on a
date because mom would not let him. He dose not even have any freinds
because mom wont let him. dean

OnAlark is right that is the way I also treat my kids they make there
own decisions and have for a long time I tried to raise mine as very
independent for in life they need to learn to make there own decsions
and live with those choices other wise they can not learn.

Txs - thanks. Debates and discussions are healthy.

Dean, sounds like you mom may be obsessive compulsive??? My ex was and
they can be very controlling and emotionally abusive.

thats y my dad knows once he passes on she will have now one in her life
other my brother but i will call evry once to see if she and my bro is
ok i hate to be like that but its my live and dad and bro know it BUT
she is learning that i am no push over any more like i said early i got
some BALLS. DEAN

Now, back to your original question . . . at this point in my life, I
certainly prefer to engage in a relationship with a successful man, one
who is in a good profession and has a respectable income. Don't think
I'm a snob and MUST have this; I would like to know that in a few years,
I could retire in comfort. That's all. I have a lot to offer in a
relationship and am there to do just that. I also need to know that he
is as well.

True ya can't make it on a Mcdonalds counter income. But I don't take
the kind of work into it too much the main thing to me is that they
either have a job or at least an income cause now I will not suport
anyone I have always worked in my life and expect the same it takes two
in every sence of the word.


Dizzy sorry for what you have went through and what your brother is
going through in my eyes that is so wrong but each person must break
away from there own prisons of life.

well i am not worry about it because i am retried and as long as i
budget my money right i can have a nice life but i amgoing back to work
in the summer for a couple of weeks on the boats again thats the only
place i can be me and make alot of money

Been doing a lot of learning in the pasy 10 yrs.

1. You can't control someone unless they let you.

2. Only thing you can really control is you.

I don't think anyone in my age brkt. wants to start over, we know what
it takes to get something out of life & if I have another relationship,
I want some one to walk BESIDE me & help carry the load. My experience
in life taught me, heavy loads easier carried by 2. SO people I date
very long, are all people I feel would fit my life.

Well those are the right ways to look at things together two people can
go along ways but they must both know that the load is carried equal in
life not just all by one.

well right now as long as dad is alive i wont realy be looking because i
live with them and my mom is a ------- even when i talk on the phon to
some one i am trying to get to know

Looking for housemates guy, like the mid west?

Dean, am sorry you have such a conrtolling monther, but like old
said...a person can only control you if you let them.
Do not let your mother do that to you, but in another sense, do not shut
her out of your life....she is your mother and you should respect that.
And Chin up Dean...you will get there.....

And as far as as the question....All relationships should start out New
do not compare the new peson to someone from your past...they cannot
help what that peson did or did not do.

My rule of thumb is trust...Until they break that trust I will trust
them with my heart, body, and soul.

i no and mid west not realy i am a off shore seaman going back where i
belong the ocean but thanks for the offer need the ocean back getting to
sorft its not allowed in the family have to keep on the family name