my parents of 20 years of marrage or however u spell it
told me today that they are getting divorced
my dad lied and said my mom found another man and my mom said she doesnt have another man she was just tired

thing is my father treated us badley when were kids and my mom never stood up for us
now when im 18 she finally wants to call it quits
i asked her why she waited so long she was scared to say somthing
now i have to stay over at the house because she is scared to be alone
any advice

why the delay in seperating - as soon as it's decided that they're divorcing should not stay together in the same residence

Blessings for you and your family.

'
thanks

I put off my divorce for the sake of kids to, or maybe it was because I don't like change at any rate what’s done is done. I’m sorry you have to go through this at such a young age.

well my dad was sorta like that as well. he was hardly ever home, so it was no big deal 6months after my parents got divorced my dad married his secatary so it was pretty much clear he was having affair before hand, as he claimed he was working. well maybe he was as he owned his own business.. my parents were married for 21yrs. and i was 11 when they got divorced. they have been divorced for 32 yrs my parents divorce was final the same week my sister got married. you should had seen my mom. she was snockerd off her butt.. and then after that she was drunk every day from the time sh got home from work untill she went to bed, she realize if she didnt stop herself she could had been a alcoholic... i was 11yrs old and i was the only one left in the house and i was the only one that went through this. my sisters didnt belive me when i told them, well if they were there they would had known.

You just described my childhood. We get through it, as long as we refuse to give up and are willing to look at the defects of character we inherited. Try to remember the little bits of hope along the way that people you didn't know were friends gave you, that you needed when you were feeling your worst. Also try to remember that your mom was a victim too, likely without the necessary tools to protect herself or you, and be accepting of your anger about the situation.

Now however, is the time to recover from it and take responsibility for the damage incurred so that you yourself don't repeat history, and eventually abuse your own kids and/or spouse, in spite of your best efforts not to. Depending on the circumstances, there are many inexpensive, and often free tools and groups out there that will replace what you didn't get as a child, and make you a whole person. I myself went to ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) for many years, which helped alot. Whether you want to be or not, you're an adult now, and now, likely, the reluctant protector of the very person who was supposed to protect you. You inherited the traits, but with real work on yourself you can still have a happy life, regardless of anyone or anything, and on this point I have faith.

A lot of women wait until the children turn 18 before they get divorced. This way there is no child custody battle. This might be why your mom waited so long.

I am so sorry since I realize it must be hard for you. However, hang in there.

As far as your mom is concerned stay over at the house for a week or so. She gave you years and years of her life; you can certainly give her some time.

Be happy for her. I am. The shame is that she waited so long.