You misunderstood what I said. I'm saying if you DO keep her from him so he doesn't hurt her feelings she might end up resenting you.

LIJ, I haven't read the other posts but I can tell you I have a similiar situation with my sons... The way I handled it was and is (still have a 12 yr old), I never ever let the boys know what was going on or what a piece of crap their dad is.. I let them think he was great.. Now the two oldest are grown and they know what an ass he is and that I protected them and kept them from it.. My youngest still has yet to learn.. but it will be on his terms if and when he's ready to realize and accept it.. until and even after he does.. I am going to protect him and support him and never give him reason to wonder why he isn't important enough to his father.. It hurts me but they are more important than I.. Their self-esteem and growing up feeling and being loved.. That is just me and what I did and still do.. jmho...

LIJ, I haven't read the other posts but I can tell you I have a similiar situation with my sons... The way I handled it was and is (still have a 12 yr old), I never ever let the boys know what was going on or what a piece of crap their dad is.. I let them think he was great.. Now the two oldest are grown and they know what an ass he is and that I protected them and kept them from it.. My youngest still has yet to learn.. but it will be on his terms if and when he's ready to realize and accept it.. until and even after he does.. I am going to protect him and support him and never give him reason to wonder why he isn't important enough to his father.. It hurts me but they are more important than I.. Their self-esteem and growing up feeling and being loved.. That is just me and what I did and still do.. jmho...

I would never say anything negative about him around her. I pray and pray that she will see for herself one day, and she will... I am just tired of him hurting her, and I have to take up his slack, when she asks, why didnt my dad get me a Christmas present? That is so heartbreaking for me to answer her... I do not put him down to her in any way.

Even tho my ex-wife is a total b!tch, I still do my best to make sure my sons think better of her. Sucks like hell!

If it hurts her that he doesn't remember her at Christmas, "maybe" you can get a gift or two "small ones" and make them from him.. I know it's killer b/c it shouldn't have to be that way but it would matter to her. and yes you are protecting her but years later when she thanks him for the gifts and he has a blank look in his face, she'll get it and know how out of your way you really went to show her she was loved full cicle..

If it hurts her that he doesn't remember her at Christmas, "maybe" you can get a gift or two "small ones" and make them from him.. I know it's killer b/c it shouldn't have to be that way but it would matter to her. and yes you are protecting her but years later when she thanks him for the gifts and he has a blank look in his face, she'll get it and know how out of your way you really went to show her she was loved full cicle..

I guess anytime you talk about your children, something so dear to your heart it makes you have all these emotions, and all I keep thinking is, HE BETTER SHOW UP!!! I know what that would mean to her, and me for her...

I think that if he does not show, then I will call his cell phone (just got his cell # last week after 4 years of not having a contact # by the way) and just simply tell him he needs to leave her alone for good. I am TIRED, just TIRED of this and leave it at that.

I actually have done that for my sons.

many are the times when those unspoken words dictate and indicate your true feelings. these are the emotions that children pick up on. the tone of your initial posting thus indicate anger and frustration towards your once lover and father of your child. you don't have to say it surely your words indicates those negative feelings. i am a stranger to you therefore my suggestions are freely given with the expectations that you will at first, dismiss it without regards but if you will take the time to carefully examine your self you will see that you..can make a bridge to the future for your child even if you want nothing to do with this man.
you mailed an invitation to him, did you have your daughter call him to invite him in person? he is not a stranger. don't treat him like one. think about it.....good luck.

Actually 2 weeks ago we were at my friends house, and he lives in the same neighborhood, he saw my truck and came to the house. When he pulled up, I said, Mashona there is your dad, and she took off running to the back of the house. I got her in the living room, and I said, come on outside, I will go with you if you want me too, and she said ok. so we went out and she gave him a hug, and said hey to him, and then me and her dad started talking about her school, pageants, sports, her life in general. I told him that i was having her a BIG birthday party the Saturday after her birthday, and that he was more than welcome to bring CJ-1 of Mashonas half brothers, and then he said well, this is my other son- dont remember his name, and introduced me to his girlfriend, and then he asked me was it ok to bring CJ, his girlfriend, and their son too. I said sure, I have no problem with that, and I maile the invitation to him to let him know when and where. We were actually civil- real civil with each other this day, kind of shocked the hits out of me...

You are an awesome, wonderful mother-woman it seems. and yes kind of in the same sense. Thanks for the advise.

Thank you!!! You'll know and do what's right and take the hurt as we must.. You're a good mom it's easy to see.. try to divert the hurt to knowing that she'll love and respect you "even more" when she figures it out... My sons did.... I still hurt for them knowing their dad is an azz but I feel ok knowing I protected them and made them feel ok and very loved...