1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee .Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

almost peed my pants

Cop- "Sir, is there anything in the car you don't want me to see?"

Me - "Well, besides the kilo of cocaine in my trunk, and this pistol in the glovebox, I don't think so."


^

Seriously though, had a cop ask me if I had anything in my car I didn't want him to see, and I wanted to respond with that.

Just say, "my wife ran off with a cop and I thought it was you trying to bring her back!"