Community > Parenting Talk

Topic: Should I even be on here?
hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Sun 04/06/08 11:34 PM
I can't imagine looking for a man with a 5 month old to raise. First things first. Raise your child; then you can pursue your own thing. This is what I did. I did not want my child subjected to a string of "uncles". Also, raising a child is pretty much a full time thing. There is not much time for worrying about having a boyfriend. Everything comes in its own time. I understand where you're coming from, my child comes first & foremost. However, is there really anything wrong with finding someone I can hang out with once or twice a week? No, of course not. I never said there was anything wrong with it. Just that my priorities were different.

jlg30 Joined Wed 04/02/08 Posts: 10	Sun 04/06/08 11:36 PM
I can't imagine looking for a man with a 5 month old to raise. First things first. Raise your child; then you can pursue your own thing. This is what I did. I did not want my child subjected to a string of "uncles". Also, raising a child is pretty much a full time thing. There is not much time for worrying about having a boyfriend. Everything comes in its own time. I understand where you're coming from, my child comes first & foremost. However, is there really anything wrong with finding someone I can hang out with once or twice a week? No, of course not. I never said there was anything wrong with it. Just that my priorities were different. At what point would it be okay? My daughter is my number one priority.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Sun 04/06/08 11:40 PM
I can't imagine looking for a man with a 5 month old to raise. First things first. Raise your child; then you can pursue your own thing. This is what I did. I did not want my child subjected to a string of "uncles". Also, raising a child is pretty much a full time thing. There is not much time for worrying about having a boyfriend. Everything comes in its own time. I understand where you're coming from, my child comes first & foremost. However, is there really anything wrong with finding someone I can hang out with once or twice a week? No, of course not. I never said there was anything wrong with it. Just that my priorities were different. At what point would it be okay? My daughter is my number one priority. I never said it wasn't ok. I just said that my priorities were different. I wouldn't have been looking for dates when my daughter was small, but that is just me. I dated one person when she was about 12, but I was not looking for it; it was just one of those things. She will be 18 in June and my job is almost done, finally. Soon I will be free to have my own life.

jlg30 Joined Wed 04/02/08 Posts: 10	Sun 04/06/08 11:49 PM
I can't imagine looking for a man with a 5 month old to raise. First things first. Raise your child; then you can pursue your own thing. This is what I did. I did not want my child subjected to a string of "uncles". Also, raising a child is pretty much a full time thing. There is not much time for worrying about having a boyfriend. Everything comes in its own time. I understand where you're coming from, my child comes first & foremost. However, is there really anything wrong with finding someone I can hang out with once or twice a week? No, of course not. I never said there was anything wrong with it. Just that my priorities were different. At what point would it be okay? My daughter is my number one priority. I never said it wasn't ok. I just said that my priorities were different. I wouldn't have been looking for dates when my daughter was small, but that is just me. I dated one person when she was about 12, but I was not looking for it; it was just one of those things. She will be 18 in June and my job is almost done, finally. Soon I will be free to have my own life. I can completely understand where you're coming from. The thing for me is that I'll be 30 next month & would love to have more children someday. Besides missing the companionship for myself, I would also like my daughter to have a great male role model in her life, because my ex has pretty much turned deadbeat.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Sun 04/06/08 11:53 PM
I understand. My daughter's father did too. And I guess my spin was that I did not want some other guy coming in and trying to be her daddy. That just wouldn't have been comfortable for me. So I wanted to wait until that was no longer an issue. I just wanted to raise her myself without interference from a male that was not related to her. I don't have a very high opinion of males in general, obviously. But what I would want for myself and who I could accept in my daughter's life are two vastly different things. So now I can worry about just me. Good luck!

curios789 Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 3156	Mon 04/07/08 12:14 AM Edited by curios789 on Mon 04/07/08 12:14 AM
There may be a few out there who would take a young child into their life, and you are gorgeous, so I think it is very possible. HOWEVER, it seems like what you are really looking for right now is friendship with potential of something more later. I think you should stick with that until your daughter is older. It could still possibly give your daughter a positive male role model in her life, while dating could cause problems. You might meet a complete asshole, and it would turn out that your daughter would have a negative image of men, and that's never good. If you decide to date, I would tread lightly. In response to the ultimate question of this topic, yes, you should be here. This site is for friends as well as relationships. Welcome to JSH, and I hope you find what you are looking for.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Mon 04/07/08 12:17 AM
There may be a few out there who would take a young child into their life, and you are gorgeous, so I think it is very possible. HOWEVER, it seems like what you are really looking for right now is friendship with potential of something more later. I think you should stick with that until your daughter is older. It could still possibly give your daughter a positive male role model in her life, while dating could cause problems. You might meet a complete asshole, and it would turn out that your daughter would have a negative image of men, and that's never good. If you decide to date, I would tread lightly. In response to the ultimate question of this topic, yes, you should be here. This site is for friends as well as relationships. Welcome to JSH, and I hope you find what you are looking for. Wow what a wise young man.

JaceKnows Joined Mon 11/12/07 Posts: 5110	Mon 04/07/08 12:19 AM
I raised my son after his mother (my ex-wife) left when he was 6 months old. Not for a minute did I think, "Well, screw it. It's him and me till he's 18 and THEN maybe I can have a life.". That'd doesn't make me right and Hikerchick wrong. It's just how we each decided to deal with things. It was our OWN personal preference. I think if you know who you are, and are comfortable with yourself, the decisions you make are for YOU. Remember, though, that things are always YOUR choice. You will CHOOSE to stay in a crappy relationship. You'll CHOOSE to not date for two years. You'll CHOOSE to have your future husband adopt your son. I wish you the best of luck.... on here, and off!

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Mon 04/07/08 12:24 AM
I raised my son after his mother (my ex-wife) left when he was 6 months old. Not for a minute did I think, "Well, screw it. It's him and me till he's 18 and THEN maybe I can have a life.". That'd doesn't make me right and Hikerchick wrong. It's just how we each decided to deal with things. It was our OWN personal preference. I think if you know who you are, and are comfortable with yourself, the decisions you make are for YOU. Remember, though, that things are always YOUR choice. You will CHOOSE to stay in a crappy relationship. You'll CHOOSE to not date for two years. You'll CHOOSE to have your future husband adopt your son. I wish you the best of luck.... on here, and off! no right or wrong,you are correct. However, raising my daughter WAS my life. I never felt like "screw it.It's me and her." I just felt like she was my priority and that worrying about having a boyfriend was the least of my problems. Never did I feel like I had no life. Never. I made sacrifices but I would do it all again. But again, you are correct; this is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer.

curios789 Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 3156	Mon 04/07/08 12:25 AM
no right or wrong,you are correct. However, raising my daughter WAS my life. I never felt like "screw it.It's me and her." I just felt like she was my priority and that worrying about having a boyfriend was the least of my problems. Never did I feel like I had no life. Never. I made sacrifices but I would do it all again. But again, you are correct; this is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. Plus hiker is NEVER wrong.

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Mon 04/07/08 12:26 AM
no right or wrong,you are correct. However, raising my daughter WAS my life. I never felt like "screw it.It's me and her." I just felt like she was my priority and that worrying about having a boyfriend was the least of my problems. Never did I feel like I had no life. Never. I made sacrifices but I would do it all again. But again, you are correct; this is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. Plus hiker is NEVER wrong. Hey, I picked you for a friend, didn't I?

JaceKnows Joined Mon 11/12/07 Posts: 5110	Mon 04/07/08 12:29 AM
no right or wrong,you are correct. However, raising my daughter WAS my life. I never felt like "screw it.It's me and her." I just felt like she was my priority and that worrying about having a boyfriend was the least of my problems. Never did I feel like I had no life. Never. I made sacrifices but I would do it all again. But again, you are correct; this is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. Much respect, Hiker! (=

hikerchick Joined Sat 12/22/07 Posts: 13206	Mon 04/07/08 12:30 AM
no right or wrong,you are correct. However, raising my daughter WAS my life. I never felt like "screw it.It's me and her." I just felt like she was my priority and that worrying about having a boyfriend was the least of my problems. Never did I feel like I had no life. Never. I made sacrifices but I would do it all again. But again, you are correct; this is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. Much respect, Hiker! (= You too Jace. You are Aces.

Snoman1951 Joined Tue 04/01/08 Posts: 5731	Mon 04/07/08 02:36 PM
Welcome Having already married 2 different women with children I believe you'll be fine. Your young,beautiful,and apperently outgoing. Take care,move slow and ENJOY.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Mon 04/07/08 05:43 PM
IF you have the energy and desire to find and nurture a relationahip while being a good parent of a new born more power to you. My experience is it is an extreamly demanding job you already have and the emotional drain will not be complimented by or fair to a new person in your life. I have seen relationships develope around pregnancy's but by majority they were decidely unfair to the woman and both mother and child suffer for the attempt. Since it takes 9 months to bring a child to term that might be a good time frame for a realtionship to pass from friend to lover. Hope you have better choices and results in the future. Sorry things have been so tough.

Salemite Joined Fri 02/01/08 Posts: 170	Mon 04/07/08 07:58 PM
I cannot help but wonder if virtually every guy would run from me knowing my situation. Only the guys who are totally inappropriate for you and your life. You're going to be a mom for a long time, so anybody who can't accept you AND your child just wouldn't work for you. Don't worry about the ones that don't want to be in a relationship with someone in a life like yours. They wouldn't work anyway, so it's not like you're missing out on anything.

wyatt1844 Joined Sat 01/26/08 Posts: 6761	Mon 04/07/08 08:02 PM
You can enjoy your life and raise a child, and if a man thinks a child is baggage, he ain't worth having.

scoot_42000 Joined Sat 01/05/08 Posts: 268	Wed 04/09/08 04:12 AM
I'm having a difficult time putting myself out there in the dating world again. I don't even know where to begin. My ex & I split up when our daughter was 5 weeks old. My mom insisted I move in with her so I wouldn't be stuck taking care of a newborn alone & I'm in the process of a career change. My daughter is now 5 months old & I cannot help but wonder if virtually every guy would run from me knowing my situation. I have so much to offer, have a heart of gold & my sanity is well intact considering recent stressors. I don't feel desperate, I just miss the companionship a relationship offers. Which brings me to my original question: Should I even be on here? Or would most guys view me as baggage ridden? I've come across the same hurdle a lot lately as well. I have an 11 month old baby girl named Aimee and it's not true...babies aren't chick magnets lol. Obviously, that's not the reason I am fighting so hard for custody; but you find these things out along the way. I wouldn't mind pulling a Brady Bunch; combining 2 families someday, although I don't know that I could do another child alone; maybe if I had to... Sorry to rant, just sayin I know where you're at to some degree.