Due to increasing products liability litigation, alcohol
manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that
the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcohol
containers:

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you
are not.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story
over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay shings like thish.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened
to your pants.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may think you can converse logically with
members of the opposite sex without spitting.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu
powers.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and
see something really scary (whose species or name you cannot
remember).

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
more handsome and smarter than some really, really big guy named Dave.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe fat, ugly people are
slim and attractive.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing
in your home.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are
laughing WITH you.

=> WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time seem to
literally disappear.

that's great. i'm keepin that one and hangin on the fridge next to the
condom box instructions.

lol