Anyone else find any of these topics hard to deal with? Have they affected your life because you just can't seem to put them in the past where they belong? No haters please. This is a serious question.Fat fingers. Sorry. That is anger not anher.

serious?look what your doing to that kid!!!!

serious issues

No, I was the kid.

Affects me everyday. It is especially hard when trying to meet someone new. You have that fear in the back of your head. Which is probably why I have had such a hard time with relationships since.

How was your home life? Did you have an alcoholic or addict parent? Maybe I am in the wrong forum?

i have had to learn to deal with them

Its hard to look at yourself as a work in progress sometimes.

very true....but almost dying can knock some sense into you too.

everyone is still a work in progress otherwise we would all be perfect

My faith has taken a direct hit on the port side today and it is hard to keep looking up. Trying to break the cycle of fear which comes out in anger is not as easy as some would think. If those people in my childhood were not mentally healthy and I know and understand that why is it that it still affects me? I find it difficult to forgive them and impossible to forget what they did to a defenseless child.

Not looking to be perfect, just want to be able to love and be loved. It comes easy for most. I envy that.

it's never been easy for me either. i understand what you are going through. it does get better. have you ever tried a technique called reframing your thinking?

for me how I do it...understanding WHY helps to forgive a little bit better. sometimes it takes alot of work to forgive. i don't believe in forgetting it though JMO. to me the things I've been through...remembering it helps me to not repeat the cycle and shows me how far I have come

I am now. Reading a book entitled A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Can you suggest any resources?

resources..i have to go back and think. there was a really good book when i went through therapy when i almost died. i THINK it's called the path well chosen but there were others too. most of what i learned though was from the counselors. one in particular. if you look at your mind as a tape recorder that has been prgrammed with negative things..to erase them...you have to slowly reprogram it with positive. it isn't something that happens over night but it has to be constistant. if you would like to email me...maybe i can answer it better

Thanks. That is what I am reading now. You are all an important part of healing for me also whether you know it or not. I have been working alone every day long hours and it is easy to get all up in your head. I listen to Christian music or smooth jazz while working. It helps me calm my spirit and life has been better for it as of late. It's good to be getting back on my walk again.

everyone has down days. there is nothing wrong with that....just don't stay down. I'm here if you ever need to talk

It's good to recognize when something is holding you hostage. One thing I've learned, and it's a simple thing really, is that we “allow” outside forces to have control. How much control we give those forces determines how much control remains within. Stop giving control of your life to outside forces. Simple, or is it?

We often try to analyze our past situations instead of analyzing in the present. Reflection does not include 'reliving' the memories, reflection; for the purpose of self analyses, means understanding "our" part in the memory. We don’t analyze for the self, by attempting to forgive another, that would not be self analysis, that would situational analysis, the purpose of which, would be to understand another’s actions.

Ultimately the reason “anger, fear, abuse and in my case trust” remains an issue, in our lives, is because we have not reclaimed what was taken from us; control that we had lost.

Reflect on the past to find out how control was taken from you. Then ask yourself “am I still being controlled in that manner?” “Why do I allow it?” “What options do I have to take back that control?” And don’t stop questioning yourself until you are comfortable with your answers and the choices they lead you to make.

Forgiveness is overrated. Forgiveness may never be found within you; which will lead to even more stress, more anger, more guilt, etc. etc… Take control back first. Then at some future date reflect once more on past “situations” and if you will it, if you feel it, if you can justify it, forgiveness will be there, if not, you may simply find you have risen above another’s attempt to control you.

One last thought, when you question yourself don’t forget to ask “was I responsible in any way for what I suffered?” KNOW, that even if the answer comes out “yes I was” own up to your part, and then remember; it’s in the past and you are not the same person. Release yourself from the guilt that keeps you chained in that past. In this way, too, you reclaim control in the present.

This was how I worked through my issues. Simple really – it only took about 5 years, but there were some 40 years to reflect on. I hope you are reclaiming your control sooner than I did.

Thanks Red, I am trying and if I can channel my stubborn side it can be done....... I hope. When you have spent so many years sweeping your fears and pain under the rug it is often hard to roll the rug back and deal with what should be the past.