If I may?

First let me say that the level of character here has convinced me that I am on the correct forum with the proper individuals whom I would like to call friends. Thank you all so kindly for responding to my initial article and I appreciate all the niceties.

I'd like to share a quote with you, one which catches me sometimes when I start to be more help than I should to someone.

"When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as it may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen; not talk or do-just hear me... I can do for myself. I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and feeling of inadequacy. But when you accept as fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about my business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear the answers are obvious and I don't need advice."

I wish you all well, God Bless and have a great day.

Quote: SitkaRains......

Thanks for your kind words, it's a real pleasure to hang out with such a nice crowd.

Quote: Penlgrif...........All these phrases are gratefully accepted anywhere in the world, what a novelty , now if only more people used them.

MirrorMirror

Posts: 58996

I find that absolutely amazing !!!

Thanks for viewing.

People see through superficial, "kind" techniques and know they are being manipulated. Genuine kindness, courtesy and respect come from a deep character reservoir, and even obviate the necessity for a lot of social niceties and ceremonial-type courtesies. Are we guilty of such behavior, do we take for granted the people with whom we confront, and do we say what we feel, without regard to other people's feelings.

Surely what a man does when he is taken off guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is. Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth. If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats, it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am... now the cellar is out of reach of my conscious will.. I cannot, by direct moral effort, give myself new motives. After the first few steps... we realize that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done by only God.

Often when I speak to children at home or school, I tell them that if they will learn and use four expressions (totaling ten little words) sincerely and consistently, they can get what they want in most cases.

One word---"please"
Two words---"thank you"
Three words---"I love you"
Four words--- "How may I help"

ADULTS ARE BIG CHILDREN