Oh about my religous comment, I'm an agnostic as well. I hate religion because of its chaoss it causes but I also believe there is somthing out there. you don't have to give into the blah blah blah they preach, but to surround yourself with positive people and relat somthings they say to every day life.

I have been there a lot, and to be honest, when you have those thoughts in your head, do somthing to take your mind off them... I have a lot of skeletons in my closet and one has really ****ed up my life, and for the rest of it. Take up somthing positive, like gardening. I am bi-polar, and theres been many days I've just thought that everyone would be better off without me, and itas painful.
I have also recently learned the hard way that the only people you have and can really trust are your family and it sucks ass. You see all these movies and tv shows with people who have close friends from way back when and you want that, but its a farse. But anyway, just try to keep busy, and think of all the good you've done for people in life and how you have made people smile... I sounds like you shouldn't be in a relationship, and maybe just get to know you. As I said I'm doing that right now..I'm just on here to see whats out there and possibly have a date sometime. I've had my head played with by both guys and girls in relationships and it sucks.
But anyway,
I've gotten closer to my family in the past few weeks, and December is a hard month for me. Though I don't agree with all that is taught, church and religion has some positive things in it to help. Try volunteering, and surround yourself with positive people... Take a college class.Anyway, if you ever want to talk,drop me a line on here. I have a good ear, and hopefully can be of use to you. Hope this helps... your not alone.