Passenger 1 and 2 were sitting together in a commuter train.
Passenger 1 lit a cigarrete and puffed out the smoke on passenger 2's face
PASSENGER 2: Hey! Do i look like your wife? Pop your blood head out of the window or else---
PASSENGER 1:Or else what? You were puffing all the way but never asked you to pop your *** out out of the window

How to satisfy your WIFE everytime;
caress,praise,massage,make plans,fix,compliment,support,feed,bath,humor,stimulate,hug,protect,pacify,phone,minister to,sacrifice for,forgive,accessorize,show equality for,shave,trust,help,spoil,understand,beg,plead,promise,deliver.take her places,idolize,worship and then go back and do it again and again.
How to satisfy your HUSBAND;
Show up naked

DAUGHTER:Daddy,mom tried but am not really getting it
DADDY:What is it all about?
DAUGHTER:The difference between reality and possibilities
DADDY:Alright,what will you do if a man offers you $1 000 000 in return for sex?Be honest
DAUGHTER:Ah!For that much?I will sleep with him honestly
DADDY:Ok.What of a thousand dollars?
DAUGHTER:Daddy, it's money we are talking about here.I will
DADDY:All these are possibilities.
In reality,you are a *****(prostitute)!

The product will change your life for better or for worse.
nourish,nurture and properly support constantly for maximum performance.
always pay attention and handle with care at all times.
foster growth with affection.
warnings;
neglect or haphazard application of the above will cause product to develop complications.
do not engage product if you are not committed.
when operating this product,do not expect symptoms to disappear after a couple of trials.
"DO NOT EVER DISCARD!"

WIFE : darling,can you please change the tyres for me?
HUSBAND : Do you see a Nissan logo on me?
WIFE : Can you fix this watch for me?
HUSBAND : You now see a Rolex logo on me?
(the husband went to town and when he came back he found the car with new tyres)
HUSBAND:Who fixed the car for you?
WIFE:Your friend was looking for you and he fixed the car and the watch for us
HUSBAND;For how much?
WIFE;He did it only on two conditions,to bake him a cake or to sleep with him
HUSBAND;So you baked the cake right?
WIFE;Do you see a bakery logo on me?
(the husband **** in his pants and collapsed}

Lets take the oath!

Lets take the oath!