Thrice - Staring At The Sun

It just fits the mood right now.

Thank you, I think I'm just weary and about to give up period. I don't like being some weird threat because I'm single but I also am not a piece of meat or a bank book with legs.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just cursed.

I've gone on a handful of meet-ups and always without fail something happens or the other person just disappears. Even if we'd talked for days or hours by messages. It's hard enough for me as an introvert to even consider going out to meet someone that may or may not like me for me when meeting me in person. I don't know if I'm just doing something wrong or if I'm just incompatible with humanity as a whole.

I won't meet someone in a private location, that's just basic safety right there, but some have issues with meeting at a restaurant or even a coffee house for the first time.

I won't just hand out my phone number, it's the only one I have and work uses that as a mobile contact in emergencies where I may need to help with the office...and I've had too many past individuals that didn't get the "message" to not call or text during work hours and potentially causing me issues with my current gainful employment. The bills do have to get paid, so an "lol" text can wait until lunch or break. But it seems I'm too demanding to make even this request.

I'm not a one-night-stand, and stating that makes others offended and I get called horrible things. I'm sorry, I just believe that it takes longer than one hour, one date or even a few dates before I'd consider going to bed with someone. Asking to give me a full body massage (to me) is about the same as asking me to have a one-nighter - you just want to see me without clothes on and I'm sorry...I'd rather go to a health spa where I can keep myself clothed for a massage.

I apparently can't have friends (at least none that are guys) since their girlfriends are jealous of me for some weird reason and don't trust me because I'm single. Girls just tend to through me under the bus if I attempt to be friends - it's all just a matter of time.

Am I just doing something wrong in my existence? I'm half-way debating on deleting my picture because I could care less with the approaches I get in random messages that make me feel like I'm some kind of object on a store shelf. I'm an individual with feelings. I'm not even sure what to do now or if any of this rambling makes sense.

Why does being a shy person mean I'm a threat to people when I do random acts of kindness? I can't seem to have friends, or be happy about friends in relationships let alone seem to even start another relationship of my own be it friend or a potential serious relationship. Am I really that odd or alone in this kind or experience?

What drove me to try this venue of meeting people?

Hmm...without writing an essay, I'd say it's because all my friends abandoned me because they're currently in relationships with other individuals that's so jealous that I'm not "allowed" to be friends since I'm seen as a threat because I'm still single.

So, I've got nothing to lose anymore, but I'm not a one-night stand kinda girl. I'm tired of those kind of responses I've received at several other places. I'm not interested in "hooking up" as they're phrasing it - I debated for hours whether or not to put a picture up on my profile here since I've continuously ran into that regardless of any site I've used. Keeping my fingers crossed that this site works out a bit better than other free or paid sites.

So...does it count if you die, but you're not the actual person (more like viewing and experiencing everything in 1st person view) yet you're still experiencing the death? I have a lot of recollections and "adventures" as I call them when I'm supposedly asleep and dreaming - not even sure they classify as a dream anymore. The incident I experienced is where I'm watching everything from a woman's eyes as a man approaches her and knocks her to the ground and puts a gun in her mouth and pulls the trigger. It should have been an instant kill, the one side of my thoughts felt along with the pain of the experience, but the shot point-blank somehow missed it's killing mark so I experienced bleeding to death. Um, so yeah...maybe I'm a bit weird, but my dreams are never usually of a pleasant nature though thankfully I don't have dreams about being killed on a regular basis regardless of it being or not.

I've had other really weird dreams that don't fall in the dying category, if anyone's curious I'll try to dig through my dream logs and post a few.

On another thought, I've heard that dreams where you experience very real like events is like your soul or spiritual self leaving the body/vessel it currently resides in to have other experiences to help itself as an individual grow thus helping you grow. I find the concept interesting, though not sure where I stand on that just yet. My recalls are just very odd to me in general.

Hello Everyone!

I just ran across this place today and decided to give it a try. I'm hoping to meet new friends along the way while I'm here. I'm still trying to set this account up and figure out how best to navigate it at the moment, so I apologize in advance if things look a bit odd. Hopefully I'll have everything set up shortly this evening.

Pleased to make everyone's acquaintance!