Hi Everyone, wellamone to this forum , come chat have fun , get to know Your fellow Canadians :) tell us about yourselves a little anyway

Giving up something for someone you love doesn't always work out for the best, and it changes the dynamic of the relationship , sometimes to the good, sometimes to the bad .. and for me it was bad .

I was married 19 yrs to a man I knew did not like at of things..He was simple..didn't like jewelry, flowers, being romantic.. but I did , and I wanted to be with him..so I gave all that up for him...we wanted children , so for the sake of having healthy children , I had quit drinking and smoking ..also to keep our budget... bad move.. He drank more , smoked more,, and He claimed I was boring , because he lost a drinking partner, smoking partner.. a driver to drive him home from bars..

my hands were tied till my kids were old enough to understand why I left him ..I was the bad guy for yrs till they finally understood what I gave up for them .. my freedom for 15yrs .

So all I can say sure its ok to give something up, compromise to be with someone you love.. but be careful of hidden agendas they might be have for letting you give these up so easily.

Good Morning everyone,, I agree with Crystal Fairy

never did I once mention bdsm was about sex... only quoted from the movie *50 Shades* that some of Mr G did wasnt all how its done in relationships just beginning ., I would of called Red meaning Stop its done., or at the end of of the evening we would have a talk about what has happened and see if things can be set to correct why I said Red *safe word*

Crystal Fairy has many good points :) as I said the media has turned bdsm into a sex show ..wouldn't believe how many people think having sex is at the top of our agenda ..totally wrong..and they get genuinely pissed at us because we don't *put out* as nilla people say .

When I was in a *poly* relationship I did not have sex with my Master , His wife was there for that , I was just a pleased and content, being part of their life, learning, exploring , expanding limits, living a regular life as well , but I wore and felt subtle hints,gesture from Him when out i public, to keep me in check I was His little girl/pet/submissive.

thank you , also Yourself good luck :)

no she did not sign He called the contract redundant , but yet he still treated her as if the contract was signed.. till she questions him why he wanted to punish her regardless ,,, by rights she could of left anytime , but she didn't, prob because she liked it , and maybe she thought he would change,, so she can sleep with him, make love instead of f**ing, touch him be a normal couple . when she saw what He really can be like

till she finds out why .,, and she finds the strength to say NO Stop! lol yes I have the movie :)

Smiles Pacific Star

what you did then is what a lot still do now keep it to the bedroom , and thats fine,, and they don't use props :) , and then they meet someone like me , who carries bdsm out into the public, without the public even knowing its happening , or walking into a dollar store and taking something from there and *changing its use to suit the lifestyle .. or walking into a adult shop and telling them their floggers or whips are defective lol .

Only because most props used now by kinksters are hand made by craftsmen that sell them at our events , and we can tell whats good or not lol , sorta embaresses store managers , but hey I wouldnt used a a flogger if I knew it would cause harm to who I play with .

thank you also :)

You seem to wear both roles well, Ms. Kit. This is pretty cool. It's obvious that you're both Ambassador as well as practitioner.
If that's too clinical, I goofed. No offense.

No offense taken believe me , I thank you for the compliment , I think its cool too how I emerged from a shy girl to one with enough confidence in the knowledge I retained to pass it on to others , to smoothen their path , as others did for me .

The point, I guess is one of growth. You were mentored, you pursued your interests,
you lived a life that's not 'common.' Then, you graduated to a position of 'authority' as Mentor and advisor to others in and out of the lifestyle.

I think everyone regardless of lifestyle has a Dominant demeanor, some of us raise kids on our own , are in charge of the bills, house, work details, but yet soft and sensual to our husbands/wives/children .

Its like you said , its a growth we have , inside, we think we can , but have doubts till someone who can notice it and say *hey kid you have potential* it begins with confidence being built up by someone who knows what they speak off and you also admireing that person for who they are and represent.

Is what you've shared a 'normal' progression? Is it
representative of what many/some/any of the folks who choose this path do? I guess in other terms you might have become an 'Elder.' (Ack! Put the shoe down. You know what I meant. wink )


Smiles , if I was *Old Guard* I would be considered and Elder..Old Guard are the people who began BDSM was a form of it where now I think if Old Guards saw it as it has evolved, they would be disappointed, on how the media has ruined the lifestyle made it look like degradation , humiliation, and abuse towards women .

Not all people in the lifestyle enjoy sharing knowledge as I do some because they are not *allowed too* due to their Dynamics in a relationships, or some don't care about new people coming in , something *hey I learned on my own so can they* or they lack the confidence or knowledge about certain aspects to actually share and educate others

I'm wondering, hard now, about your thoughts on where the strength of
this sort of relationship lies. Earlier, I said something about 'without bottoms, Tops couldn't exist.' How often do submissives become like you?

I think it all depends where the thoughts of the person are, who and what they know, and their roles I don't like to use labels , but I've also heard it over and over , A Dominant etc without a submissive,slave,etc is like a painter with no canvas , we as subservient are the canvases for our Tops, Dom/mes use not abuse but use to be who they are,, I myself can be submissive to a man who I know is a good Dominant for me, and I wont even think of being a Top or Mentor otherwise Topping from the bottom , I know my role when I enter a relationship once we have set the particulars, this is why communication is very important to the relationship ,

Not all become like me,, some are happy just to submit , have no other thoughts, but then there are some , who evolve like I do , feeling theres something else to go with this more to learn ,explore.. and if it doesnt feel right.. you can always go back to being submissive/slave etc.

Thank you

Hello Im new to this site, wanted to introduce myself , I'm from Welland Ont , Happy to be here, Ive joined in the community forum , just learning to get around , looking for like minded friends to chat too and perhaps meet for coffee :)

take care and good luck in all Your endeavors .

Kk

When we asked to be Mentored in certain things, usually is a Dominant or Domme having the best experience in the field were hopping to expand on , learn from . A Teacher.

But you have to watch them as they play on their subjects, take heed of how they pay attention , watch for signs on their subjects, and communicate. thats how I picked my Mentors out and asked if they would teach me .

Again some don't take Mentoring seriously and see it as a way to have their way with a person asking for guidance

I say to ask about a Mentor in question within that communty to see if He is responsible

Some Mentors even take their students as their submissives if they get interested in them and the submissive agrees to be theirs


I had 4 , not all at once but I wanted to learn many aspects of the lifestyle .


Now as a Top or a Mentor I tell people I have taught , its stickly NONsexual, they ask why I say * Did you sleep with your school teachers? they get the point Im making lol

yes I was 24/7 but I did not live there, again people have different views on 24/7.. He was in control of what I gave or let Him , what I wore to work to a degree , task I had to do and email Him when I wasn't there, I wore a collar to bed, during the day was a chain . when I was there it was as if I was living there and did as I was asked .

I chose to live here in welland , they were in Brampton due to my bills I paid I liked to be independent .

24/7 is what ever people make it to be when Your committed to that person , differs from casual play partners, or just having a Mentor

To move this topic about would be to ask questions , anything, no question is dumb or stupid,since you dont know the answers yet ... have people who are knowledgeable to answers these to the best they can :)

People have to see that what they see in porn movies, magazines , is nothing close , I saw earlier in the posts about * 50 Shades* I watched that move and I thought it was good, but Mr G did do a few things I as a subservient would of told him NO too , because of my experience . byt otherwise is was a good Dom , caring, honest, protector

Thats hard to say, because everyone's perspective, and choices are differ, from what I experienced, learned, watched happen over the yrs, the BDSM community are close nit in some cities, and some don't care depends who you click with I guess, take care of their own if asked,

They don't tolerate a lot of things , again its to whom you are. and what you want to do in this lifestyle.

Cheating on your spouse is not tolerated by some.. some don't care
breaking Portical , rules at some events , you get banned, other events they dont care, there isn't any protocol or rules per say

Ive witness a lot of new people coming in thinking submission to anyone and everyone is mandatory ,, B.S I advise the new people if that person has no claim on you, total stranger, nothing has been said between you but a meer hello , they have no right what so ever to order, or place any commands on you .

we stress safe calls , meeting in coffee places, malls, and absolutely NO going to their car, or home, or a walk in the woods alone on the firsts few meets.. there has been some who did this, no safe call ,, and were raped... nothing was done because they are afraid to go to the police .

I myself last week had a talk with our law enforcement about our lifestyle , what can they do if called to a house where a call has been made due to screams .. they said nothing,, as long as the person in question consented to it and theres no blood or broken limbs.

if something does happen *rape* there is a special task force to talk too ,,understanding our lifestyle .

We get so many so call Doms coming in and saying bluntly if you dont get on your knees your not a submissive again B.S they are using their dominant personalities to control , for their own satisfaction,, or they come in as a easy way to get laid..unfortunately they find out later..they are not getting laid but refused a lot since BDSM is not about sex, but sensual, exchange of power of control of a persons mind, body and soul... sometimes their bank account lol jk ... really no Im not..Ive seen it where a subservient person did that.. not good .

smiles when I was owned , I helped Him Top His wife/ my sister at a party, I think He saw potential but as i was his submissive also .

He asked me if I wanted to Top Him ..We had a discussion a few weeks back of how He became..He was a submissive to a woman His mother knew . for about 15 yrs ,, she also saw He had potential of being a Dom,, and she taught Him.

So when He asked me , without hesitation I said * Yes Sir* with a big smile on my face.

Thats where I got confidence I could give to someone what I was taught and done to me.

My first Topping experience was in welland at one of our events I loved it :)

Hi from welland

I've been in the lifestyle 17 yrs I love it I began as a submissive, was owned,, in a poly relationship , I have kids when I began they were 14, 16 , they were curious about my lifestyle , and of course worried, *meeting people online * I assured them I was safe, explained to them how we meet in safe places . I have Topped a few times,, so basically I can switch .

I introduced them to my Mentors, and finally to the Man I called Master..I never did anything to scare them , I'm naturally subservient,, so getting my Master a coffee or a pillow, or sitting on the floor wasn't out of context for them to see.

later in time my kids did ask me what does it involved,,I was sure then they would understand and I spoke to them in detail what happens in some Dynamics..also showed them the site I am on now .. and parties I attend ..my daughter she is my safe call