I agree. I can understand ones preference but adding "dirty and nasty" does raise red flags.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I like that. :)

I'm not sure what "dirty" means. If you consider sex, in general, to be dirty that could be a problem for you later on. My point is there is a difference between discussing sex in an open manner vs tailoring the conversation so the guy can get off on line.

If you encounter the latter, the guy going on and on with erotic chat, explain to him you prefer those conversations to take place in person.

This is a dating site. People have a list of things/qualities they seek in a partner but many of them are negotiable. For example, one may seek a person who has a good job but may settle for one who is currently in university and working part time.

One thing that's never negotiable is the sex of the individual unless the person is bi-sexual so, yes, sex is the most important thing. So when sexual conversations arise you can answer basic questions without getting into detailed, erotic conversations. Just explain that to the guy and if he doesn't comply put him on ignore.

Going by my own experience I found women in their 40s were more difficult to please. Obviously, a generality and anecdotal but both sexes appear to think they are more important than they actually are. During that time period most people are well established in life. They have obtained the lifestyle they sought. Career, health, finances….life has never been better so they think they’re “pretty damn good” and they want what they want, no compromise. They must be “special” because they’ve got exactly what they wanted. Of course, most people have got what they’ve wanted by that age so they aren’t so special. Again, generally speaking.

Also,there’s Isaac_dede’s post.

As Isaac_dede states a woman in her forties has a tough time competing with those considerably younger. If “looks” is a man’s priority he will choose a younger gal. If “looks” is not the only priority the man will choose an older lady as the older lady will have to have something more to offer. Also, they are more “accepting”.

When it comes to younger women if they are solely interested in “looks” they will choose a man around their own age. If they are seeking a more established man they will choose a man who appreciates them more and not one with a tone of arrogance.

Again, just my experience

I, also, am in a sexless marriage. After a number of years discussing it to no avail I decided to look outside my marriage.

Oops. Double post.

Hi folks. I'm taking the advice and posting in the forums. If anyone is interested in knowing more about my situation they can find out at "http://mingle2.com/topic/show/356865" message posted Sat 06/08/13 03:31 AM.

Good luck to all!

Hi. I'm new. Joined a few days ago. Any grandmothers here? Or visually impaired younger gals? :)

Grab a coffee. This may be long.

My wife has been going through menopause for a number of years. She has a hormone imbalance, the same hormones that usually kick in during puberty and cause gals to be attracted to guys in a sexual way. Like in pre-puberty she now has no sexual desire.

There are treatments which are available, however, they have been associated with cancer in people who are susceptible to cancer and my wife's mother died from breast cancer.

Our sex life has been declining for 5 years until it completely stopped last year. So here's the dilemma.

Some people have suggested there must be a problem in the marriage and that's why my wife is not interested in sexual intimacy. Less than a month ago my wife told me she has never been happier and that she loves me so I've given up discussing that with people who insist there are marital problems. I can't get through to them.

Others have suggested I should tell me wife about my plans to "take a lover". Sounds reasonable until one thinks it through. I love my wife and my wife loves me so the question is what possible solution would be acceptable.

I certainly wouldn't want her to take any treatments that have the remote chance of harming her. Second, I wouldn't want to have sex, be intimate, with someone who isn't into it. I call it "pity sex". I can't think of anything more debasing. So, what good would come of informing her and having her seek a solution when there are no viable solutions?

Others have suggested she may go for an open marriage. Besides needlessly worrying about whether I may fall in love with the other woman and leave her how would her knowing be of any benefit? And what rules apply to open marriages? Can I flaunt my lover? Take her to social functions? If my wife knows and OKs it then there's nothing to hide. The neighbors can know. Her employer can know. What company image is projected when it's known one of the top management is in an open marriage? If I have no reason to keep the "affair" confidential other people will certainly find out.

Believe me, I have given this considerable thought. What has happened is resentment has started to creep in. Over the years excuses were offered as, perhaps, she didn't understand what was happening herself. Her loss of libido was due to 'this' and then 'that' and then something else and while each excuse was valid in itself it became obvious they weren't the reason. So I'm left with either resenting the situation and, ultimately, destroying the marriage by exhibiting characteristics of resentment or giving it "the old college try".

I use utmost discretion and I do not take time away from us. The lady I meet may be in a similar situation. Perhaps her husband has lost his libido. Or maybe I'll meet a single lady who doesn't want a full time relationship. In any case I will let them know the situation up front.

I have posted ADS on several venues and received a number of replies but it's just been for sex. One lady I met just undressed and laid on the bed. She wasn't interested in hugs or kissing or any affection. Needless to say nothing happened.

I hope I've shed some light on things. Not directed to you personally but so many people think it's just about sex. They make it sound sleazy and dirty when the reality is quite different.

Where was the intimacy, the real music, when the gal was climbing the guy's bones during the Honeymoon period? They were happy just sharing each other.

Also, why do some people have to be "in the mood" before they engage in sex? Doesn't the touching and caressing get the person in the mood?

My view is sex is frequently looked at as "the icing on the cake" when it really contains the basic nutrients necessary to hold a romantic relationship together. It shouldn't be any more an option than talking to ones partner. One wouldn't say, "Do we have to have a conversation over tonight's dinner. I'm not in the mood to talk to you."

Anyway, that's the way I see it. I don't have any statistics but I bet many relationships slowly dissolve as sex occurs fewer and fewer times.

An independent woman and sex. I believe a romantic relationship requires sex to function properly. It's frequently said arguments/disagreements result in diminished sex but I believe the opposite is true. The sex diminishes first resulting in looking at ones partner as a roommate or pal or buddy and that's when things are looked at with a critical eye.

During the "honeymoon" stage, be it 6 months, a year, or whatever length of time do people argue over who emptied the dishwasher or who did the laundry? Two people are anxious to do more than their share for their partner. Then the sex slowly wanes and the "it's your turn to do...." begins.

I think we've downplayed the importance of sex to our own detriment. Told to look for similar activities, similar political views, similar views on life, etc. has resulted in the one thing that defines a romantic relationship, sex, being summarily dismissed. "It will happen naturally. Lust, desire, etc. are not important." we're told.

People eventually find out those things are very important. Cute quirks become annoying habits. The enjoyment of doing things for our partner become chores. What has changed?

Montrealer here. Hi folks. :)

Thanks 2KidsMom. I never thought about another woman all the time I've been with her but the lack of intimacy was causing resentment to build in me. I am seeking someone who is available when my wife is at work so I won't be taking any time away for us.

It's not even a matter of sex. It's the touching and caressing and hugging and all the things that go with it. I guess it's difficult to explain how "unsettling" it is to share a life with someone you love and they don't even care if you touch them or not. I have tried not to let a wall come between us but it's difficult.

Back in the 90’s I read an article about an author in upstate NY. He contracted prostate cancer and kept a diary requesting it be published if/when he should pass away. In the diary he wrote that he talked to his wife about sex. Here’s a rough retelling of what he said to his wife.

“You are a young, vibrant woman and I am unable to have sex. If you take a lover and be discrete and I will not intentionally try to find out. I would rather you be satisfied that way instead of leaving me in order to do so. I want to spend whatever remaining time I have with you but I don’t want you to resent it and I don’t want my cancer to cheat you out of a proper life.”

That, in my opinion, was a MAN! The article never said if she took a lover but she wanted the world to know what type of a man he was.

I have had people say I should divorce. How is deserting my partner preferable to staying with her? If my “tickle tackle” stopped working I would do whatever I could to satisfy her. Intercourse is not the only way to be intimate.

Thank-you for the flowers. :)

My wife has gone through menopause and now has a hormone deficiency meaning a very, very low sex drive. Her mom died from breast cancer so her doctor advised against HRT. It has now been 5 years with having sex twice in 2011 and twice in 2012.

I have not made this decision lightly. After numerous discussions I asked her if she wanted a divorce thinking she may have lost her love for me. She relied she has never been happier and I love her but the resentment is starting to creep in the marriage. I don't want the marriage to end by us hating each other so my last attempt is to seek the physical affection I require.

My wife is a good woman and is nice to me and I to her. I tried my best for five years as the physical intimacy slowly decreased until it has now completely stopped. Isn't 5 years long enough to have waited? If I was a run-around type of guy I wouldn't have been faithful for over 15 years.

Here's the question. Is affection taboo when seeking a casual encounter? On other dating sites I'm either vilified for being married and seeking affection or I attract sex workers. Now, I have nothing against sex workers but that's not what I'm seeking. Is it acceptable/reasonable/OK to expect affection? Can a casual encounter occasionally entail going to a movie or getting ice cream or, perhaps, a country drive?

I'm 60 years old and been married over 15 years. My marriage is good, relatively speaking, but lacking affection. Maybe someone can shed some light on this for me. Sort of like a profile review if there is such a thing here. What should I say?

Is "casual encounter" an appropriate definition when I am seeking one person on a regular, occasional basis, say 3 or 4 times a month?

I just want to note that while I'm 60 everything functions so I'm not seeking a platonic relationship. On the other hand my days of monkey sex are behind me.

Any and all tips/ideas most welcome. Thank-you.

Davey