People don't get to vote on how many kids someone else can have, though. So you do have as much say as anyone else -- which is to say, none.

And plenty of people had their kids when they were doing okay but then they fell on hard times. Well, somebody's got to foot the bill to feed those kids, and since it is to society's benefit NOT to have starving kids on the streets, we all chip in to pay for them. Nothing wrong with that.

I don't resent helping poor families. I'm not exactly wealthy myself and I can completely understand that times are tough. I guess I figure that since I've never had kids of my own, it won't kill me to chip in a bit for someone else's.

But if we as a society truly want to see a reduction in the number of children born into poverty, then we'd damn well better make sure that everyone receives comprehensive sex education, access to birth control, and a proper education in general so they have the tools to do something other than screw around and make babies. Oh, and an improved economy and job market wouldn't hurt. I won't even touch the other issue that goes along with the above, because there are already enough third rails in this thread.

Possibly I did miss something. You appeared to be saying that you'd found your ex's qualities in every woman you dated, but if that isn't the case and I missed something, please accept my apologies.


That would be a little disconcerting.


Not all women who go to bars do stuff like that, though. I enjoy going out to a bar for a drink and some social interaction, but I hate being drunk, so I'm the type to nurse a couple of drinks all night while focusing on other things to do there, like listening to music or something. So that's kind of another example of taking a comparison too far... one woman you dated got crazy-drunk and acted in an embarrassing manner, so do you think that means that ALL women who have a drink in a bar are going to do that?


No, that isn't how it went at all. He didn't lie about drinking. We went out together and had our drinks. I kept it under control and didn't get drunk, because I actually know how to handle both alcohol and myself. He had no self-control over much of anything, and I got tired of it. But what he lied about was the cheating... he swore he wasn't cheating on me, but then I found out he was. Between that and his temper, I got disgusted.

Do I still date guys who drink? Yes; in fact I'd likely feel out of place with one who was completely teetotal (although my most recent barely drank, but he wasn't judgmental or uncomfortable about drinking -- hard to be, as he was a bartender). But I'm not interested in dating alcoholics, nor cheaters or guys who lie to me... and certainly not guys who can't control their tempers.

Fortunately, I remain convinced there are still plenty of single/divorced/widowed men in my age group who are honest, have self-control, and respect women. I just need to find and meet the right one.


What would make me dump a guy would be if he displayed an aggressive or uncontrolled temper, engaged in verbal abuse or physical threats (to anyone), or if he lied to me, cheated on me, or repeatedly got drunk and acted like an arsehole. I'd be completely turned off by those things.

I should probably note that my experience with the guy I'd described was many years ago, and in the intervening time I've had other relationships and even a decade of marriage (which failed for a different set of reasons but did so in a completely amicable fashion).

Good point.

Jazz festival weekend, all-inclusive

"Into The Night" - Benny Mardones

Xerophyllum

Hebron, Kentucky

No Country For Old Men

Vellum

because that was really too

XTC

Epiphany

Tally

Zither

No... but I did organize all my earrings, which is almost the same thing.


Have you ever watched a cat chase a housefly?

I didn't say Charles isn't telling the truth about something. I said that his judgment seems to be a bit off, in that he thinks he's over his ex but the story he's telling is reflects that he really doesn't seem to be.

I've been around the block, had good relationships and bad ones, been married and divorced... I know what it's like to have the past continue to carry over into my present, because it happened to me once or twice where for a while it seemed every guy I met was a lot like my ex (that old ex-fiance, not my ex-husband, as he's actually a decent guy and still my friend) and then I finally came to realize it was because I hadn't let go of the negative way that early relationship had made me feel.

Once I realized that, and then was able to let it go, my dating life was a lot healthier.

Very few people have "dozens of kids".

Lottery numbers and job trends. I can deal with most of the other stuff myself.

And you never lived with some of the people I've lived with. My ex-husband is an okay person. My first long-term, live-in boyfriend-then-fiance was a complete ***... a drunk, a liar, a cheater and abusive in both physical and verbal modes. He had more stuff wrong with him than you could shake a stick at, and fortunately we split up rather than actually getting married.

Didn't mean that I went looking for or even found all of his negative qualities in everyone I dated after him.



Sounds to me like this is one of those things that it takes another man to understand. When I read the two ladies comments the first thing that I thought, "These two must not learn from there mistakes" They would prob' jump right back in the fire with someone else that is either as bad or worse than their Xes.
And you're extremely wrong. Learning from one's mistakes doesn't mean looking to find fault in everyone you meet.


If you've dated a bunch of women and they've all turned out to be awful, you need to look for the common denominator. There are two: possession of a pair of X chromosomes, and you. Not all women are horrible people, so maybe you're the common denominator? As in, either you subconsciously keep being initially attracted to women like your ex, or else you keep looking for your ex in all other women.