“Separation papers”


Here is my heart
It belongs to you
Forever will it be yours
We’ll never be through

I’ll be there for you
No greater lie has been told
I’ll stand by your side forever
Words spoken dishonest and bold

You can rely on me
Left standing in the rain
Here is a shoulder to cry on
You must keep inside your pain

Here is your wedding ring
Before I walk out the door
Sign these separation papers
I don’t love you anymore

Who am I?

I am pain
Desperation
Hopelessness and helplessness
Isolation
Hesitation
Frustration
Unloved and unwanted
Eventual death



Who do I wish I was?

I want to be loved
Respected
Honored
Glorified
The selector
The seer
The doer
The leader
Eternal life


What will I become?

Only what I will allow myself to be.

TxsGal3333- Thank you very nuch for your words. Many people have stated
that I am a good father with a behaving,loving child. A child's love and
respect can never be replaced by anything.


“I love you; unconventionally”



How can I say I love you
With different words to use
Than the ones that are so normal
What other words to choose

I love you seems so empty
Like no love that’s in your life
A shell of an existence
Self inflicted wounds by love’s knife

How do I express
The happiness inside
The love I have for you
That in my soul resides

All I can think
That will tell you what is true
Is to tell you of the things
I’d do ‘cause I love you

I would give you a loving smile
When I look into your eyes
And I would hold close to me
And hate to say good bye

I would be your shelter
When the storms will never end
I will be the truth
When your mind can’t comprehend

I would walk with you
Barefoot across hot coals
When you feel so empty inside
You can have my soul

You can have my heart
If ever yours does break
You can have my possessions
If yours someone takes

I would live in the shadows
If ever you had fame
If you got tired of being you
You could have my name

You can have my touch
If ever you don’t feel
For you live in my heart and soul
And what I feel is real

“Broken spirit lullaby”


I hold you close
And wipe your tears
I feel you tremble
Due to fears

Have no worries
I whisper dearly
Tomorrow you'll
See things more clearly

Close your eyes
Rest your head on my arm
Let my heart sing you a lullaby
And protect you from harm

Listen closely
To what it speaks
Believe in yourself
Be strong not weak

Rest your eyes
Sweet child of mine
Rest your soul
Have peace of mind

Love me darling
Like I love you
Go to sleep
Sleep deep and true

Sleep tonight
Sweet dreams through
I whisper softly
I love you

“Found another”


Not day or night
Not fear or fright
Will stop this heart
From doing right

Love so deep
For you it’s true
Believe me baby
I really love you

Though not what
You want to hear
I can love
Only far not near

But dreams I had
To hold you tight
To kiss you much
And passion to fight

Yes it’s true
My soul’s on fire
I’d like to be with you
Love never mire

What is that
You changed your mind
You love another
A better find

The words I spoke
Are void and lame
Can’t look in the mirror
Without feeling shame

And it’ll be like this
Forever more
Just a stupid man
With sad stories and lore

TxsGal3333---Yes, my child is the best I could ever hope for. The sad
thing in my case is that his mother was there but would do very little
for him at all and if I asked her to hand me a diaper orsomething simple
like that she would get mad. But it is all good, for I did not mind it
at all. Thank you for your words. I write poetry that I feel that others
can relate to, as I am glad that you can do so.



shadowdog---Thank you for your words. I do try to incorporate my little
perspectives into my poetry and write things that others can relate to.


“One wish”


Just one wish
What would it be
For love, for peace
For blind eyes to see

For equality
For the cures
For all the adults
To act mature

For hunger to end
For homes to sleep
For people to care
True and deep

For humans to be
More humane
For excitement to be
In lives mundane

For ears to hear
For all to walk
For person once mute
To listen and talk

Just one wish
There are so many more
What would you wish
That you’d wish for

My wish is simple
And easily understood
I’d wish all to have one wish
As long as it was for good

With so many wishes
And the people that do care
All the hurting would be erased
And love to be shared

I wrote this today after thinking about something I had seen on TV.



“My name is ‘you were a mistake’”


I was not born from love
Lust is the reason that I breathe
The reason for my pain
Sex and nothing else

What thoughts were in your mind
When you knew you was pregnant
I brought sadness to young eyes
How does it feel knowing that you created this pain

All the pain that I feel is due to you
Are my teardrops worth anything
Do they count for something
Are they as nameless as the sperm count that created me

Just another donation
And here I am
My existence was bought and paid for
Just another trick

Now I run unloved through the streets
The illegitimate son of a prostitute
Looking for sex
Because I don’t know what love is

I know diseases are out there
As my mother is dying from AIDS
And I still don’t seem to care
These streets are lonesome and cold

And those that share the path with me are ruthless
We are all the same---nobodies
That will only be somebody when our name shows in the news
For being dead or committing crimes

There are more to be born
Many more brothers and sisters waiting to be born
Because of crack or meth
Or uncontrolled hormones

We are the scum that you curse everyday
The black eye of the neighborhood
The cursed youth that just survives
My name is “you were a mistake”

“For my daddy”


His voice is shaky now
It crackles when he talks
And he's not as tall as he once was
Shuffles a bit when he walks

Taking a moment, I look at his hands
Deep wrinkles showing his age
Doesn't seem that long ago, I was holding his hand
And it was me that was centerstage

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, an excitement filled voice shouts
A young boy's hero is home
He picks up his son and gives him a hug
Now he does not feel so alone

Years pass by, a teenage son throws the ball on top of the house
Waiting for it to roll back off into his glove
Waiting patiently for his daddy to get home from work to play catch with
him
His heart's so full of love

Daddy comes home, grabs a bite to eat
And though his legs hurt so bad, he takes the time to play
He can see the pain on daddy's face
The grimaced look as he throws the ball, the pain because he loved me he
so gladly paid

Daddy can I use the car
We just want to go hang out
Maybe get a little rowdy, check out the scene
Maybe scream and shout

Here you go son, be careful, and he touches my shoulder
And pats me on the head
Driving a little too wild, seen by a family friend
Daddy doesn't get angry, he smiles and says drive carefully like I said

Years pass by, a troubled man talks to his daddy
Asking what he should do
Son, you know right from wrong and what's in your heart
I can't tell you, it's up to you

A few more years pass by, a daddy to be calls his father outside and
says
Daddy you're going to be a grandpa, I wanted you to be the first to know
Smiling widely, an added bounce to his step, he said how far along is
she
Breaking the news to the rest of the family, he touches my shoulder
before I go

But today I look at him, his body so frail
Strong muscles weak, now his skin starts to sag
But that is still the man I love, my daddy
And I will always brag

Thinking deeply and reminiscing
About the years gone by
Suddenly my heart is shattered
And I start to cry

A steady flow at first
Sniffling I try to gain control
Suddenly the dam bursts and my sobbing begins
Out the tears do roll

Painful throbbing in my chest, my lungs constricted
Desperately trying to get my breath
Father time, you wretched entity
I pray for time to stand still and prevent my father's death

Daddy grows weaker as each day passes
His mind is more forgetting
Sadness in my heart increases, anger at the cycle of life
His death I'm tearfully regretting

Looking at my son, seeing me in his face
And seeing his love for me
I hope that daddy knows that's how I loved him
God I pray he did see

A father created me, my daddy loved me
Showed me as well as he could
Looking again at my boy, the lessons of love learned from my daddy
I hope to pass it on as I should

Daddy sacrificed for me, put my pleasure ahead of his pain
And here for me still today
Swelling teardrops in my eyes, admiration in my heart
I love him more than words can ever say

Having you as a father makes me proud
Having you as a daddy is my pleasure
Knowing how much you loved me brings tears to my eyes
Your love is my greatest treasure

Now it is over, kinda sad words to hear
You can never erase the past nine years
That we were together from date one
We knew it was coming, the deed is done

You found someone new, his name is Bill
That's cool with me, maybe he'll thrill
Perhaps I should hate you, what good would that do
I promised to be your friend, eventhough we're through

Memories that we shared, a son brought to life
I hope you find a husband, and myself a wife
To bring the laughter that we once shared
And two hearts that loved and really did care

How can I be angry, I only wish you the best
I hope he is decent, better than the rest
I did my all, you changed with time
People change everyday, that is not a crime

One thing that I ask, I stand by these words as being true
Be a part of your son's life, you're his mama and he loves you
You live with regret that you missed much of his life
It isn't too late, do what is right

My heart is okay, my mind is at ease
Let's move on and be human beings please
It's okay to hurt now and then, when thinking of the past
How can you totally forget when the memories will last

You have known me for twenty five years, has it been that long
And ever since you have known me, I never did you wrong
I am a man that cares a lot, for you and the rest
And forgiveness and understanding are the things that I do best

When you think of me again, remember this is true
That I will always care and be a friend to you

txsgal333-Thank you very much for your words. And my child is my
everything. I am gonna post a few more older ones and then a new one.


"A Single Tear"

She walked away, and didn't even shed a tear
No, not one, even with her son waving bye and she did not even cry
I looked in the mirror and she had done gone in the house
And her son waving bye to someone not even looking
Saying bye mama, bye mama
And still there was not a single tear

I looked at him and saw the hurt on his face
For she had already been gone for four days before she decided to leave
for good
He was missing her and still no tear
My throat closed and it was hard to breath and swallow
My heart was hurting but I could not cry
I would not cry, I had to be strong for him
But it hurt, it really hurt

To know you are being left behind
That you are not even a thought in the mind
Still not a single tear
It was hard to be so strong
So my son would not know something was wrong
Because he has never saw daddy shed a tear

His daddy is a strong man
One that can take pain and not complain
Can take the hurt, the emotional and mental abuse
And not say a word, but keep trying to be a friend
To show that someone does care
But he does not know how daddy feels inside
The hurt, the pain, the invisible tears
Hidden by a hug and kiss for his son and a smile that is brought on by
his son

He came up and gave me a hug and kiss today, and said I know my daddy
loves me
And he saw it, a single tear

"Love's First Kiss; Kiss Me Again"

Lost in a moment, time standing still
The exchange of love's first kiss, oh what a thrill
The fire from within, where do I begin
To describe an Earthly heaven, with a mind full of sin

My thoughts I confess, my mind's such a mess
If I told you the truth, of me would you think less
The next move I'm not sure, to go or lock the door
I've got it so bad, what the French call amor

My blood pressure's taking a beating, hormones out of control
Like an engine overheating, passion feels my soul
I'm in love so very deep, unescapable mountain that is steep
Racing thoughts my mind keeps, just wanna jump and leap

I will just be honest, no use to pretend
Baby you know I love you, kiss me once again

"Wishes of the mind"


I want to be touched
to feel the passion
the heat from your fingertips
To feel it burning in my mind
The burning embers that are your fingertips
I want you to touch and scorch
I want to feel the heat engulf my flesh
and send chills to my soul
I want to feel the goosebumps in my heart

I want to be entranced
to be mesmerized by your feminine essence
to orbit around you
to exist only with you for an eternal moment
to hear only your voice in a room of noise
to see only your eyes in an ocean of stares
to crave only your touch, and shiver from that thought
to feel your presence with eyes closed

I want to hear your lips whisper with thundering sounds of passion
softly saying kiss me with your soul by means of a sexy pout

I want to feel your soul tremble when I find your heart's erotic spot

I want to hear you gasp my name and look at me with pleading eyes as
smoldering emotional turmoil fills your body with chaotic pleasures

I want to feel the elctricity as your eyes beg my eyes to beg you for
your touch

I want your body to quiver and shake at my touch as your soul and mind
becomes invigorated like a virgin canvas being stroked by the
experienced paintbrush of an artist

I want to become weak-kneed and dizzy as your touch becomes wine to an
alcoholic mind, my only want is to drink from your hands until my mind
is filled with confusion and all that exists is a state of ectasy

To have dreamed, but never experienced
To die a lifetime just to live the fleeting moment of soul filled sexual
fantasy
To experience the erotic dream in a romantic mind
Alas, all I can do is dream

Tonyatoto---Thank you for sharing your poem and for your kind words.
Here are a few more I have written earlier.
This was posted: 6/26/2006 11:03:15 PM at a different site. I have seen
it claimed by someone else but if there are any questions I can tell you
exactly where you will find it.


"The Storm"

Mounting tension as storm clouds gather
Air filled with excitement as the storm brews
Thunder crashing in the distance speeds his heart with anticipation
Lightning flashing across the sky between her eyes and his
Filling his soul with anxiousness
Sun shining from her face and into his eyes
Taking a moment he glares at the sun's beauty and smiles back
Staring into the eyes of the storm, his heart gets struck by lightning
Electricity fills his body and flashes through his eyes into hers and
melts her heart
The storm is close as the thunder gets louder
Flashing lightning becomes more intense and targeted
Giving in to temptation, his mouth searches for hers through closed eyes
Graciously accepting his invitation, the two engage in a kiss that
ignites the soul, setting it on fire
The lightning intensifies as their unbridled passion reaches fever pitch
and the storm is at hand
Lost in the middle of the storm, caught unprepared for the downpour of
passion as their bodies become drenched with sweat and the passionate
rain
The storm is upon them, lightning flashes continuously from his eyes to
hers
The sound of thunder becomes deafening as their hearts race estatically
from the excitement that fills their souls
Loud booms of thunder from the frenzied storm as their bodies crash into
each other driving each other mad
Lost in time, the only realization is that the storm is passing
They look into each other's eyes as the last strike of lightning crashes
and their bodies collapse as the final crack of thunder rips through
their beings
A steady flow of rain drips off their bodies as the storm's end is here
They exchange a knowing glance
Smiling from the soul, they exchange a long slow kiss
Sheltering each other, they silently dream for the next storm

This I wrote for my son's mother. I have many more poems to post when I
have more time. These are all previously posted at a different place.


"How Dare You"

I will try to be a gentleman, but I will say what's real
If you could see the hurt in his eyes, could that change the way you
feel
If you could feel his pain right now, would it make you cry
If you saw the lostness in his eyes, would it make you try

I want to cause you pain right now, tell you words that mame
I want to break your heart like his, but I am more humane
Just take a look into his eyes, the sparkle is not there
The sparkle is gone,
you...................................................................

I feel the need to curse, but that is not me
Neither is slapping your face, screaming can't you see
My daddy raised me better than that, to him I am glad
Say thank you to my father, or else you would be sad

It's hard for me not to cry, knowing how he feels
Tearsdrops are escaping, I know his pain is real
To see a loving heart get broken, don't you have a clue
That there is less love, when he says I love you

For any that think I am weak, just because I care
Love your son like I love mine, look at his lost glare
See the tears inside his soul, feel the hurt and pain
Something is wrong with you, if tears don't flow like rain

All that I can do, is give a hug and kiss
Say that I love you, and this hurt feeling reminisce

"Son, Daddy Loves You"

A smile across my face, bragging words saying that's my boy, that's my
boy
Never knew how I could love, until my son brought me joy
I cut his cord, and looked at him, my eyes not blinking
This is the best day of my life, I am only thinking

The nurse wraps him up, takes him away, he has trouble breathing
No idea what's going on, I am scared and grieving
Doctor comes by, says everything fine, couple days under this machine
A feeling of relief, a smile on my face, a truly joyous scene

Three days pass, it's time to go, baby a different home
Been 4 short years, and I'm amazed how much my boy has grown
Where did the time go, make it stop, make it go away
For it won't be long that I hear, daddy I don't want to play

I cherish each day, like it is the last, my love is ever growing
Before you know, in a minute or two, he'll be saying daddy I'm going

"Estranged"

Our marriage is through, now you are gone
Walked out the door and left us alone
A father now a mother, a child left with tears
The damage you caused, will last through the years

Baby blues of a child, his heart is blue too
How does it feel knowing, it's because of you
Selfish act by a mother, that does not care
The heartbreaking sadness, in a sweet boy's stare

Where is mama? when's she coming back?
Fighting back tears, my heart under attack
Intense anger is filling my soul
Hatred for you is taking its toll

I don't care if it's me, that you truly hate
But to destroy your son, I can not relate
I was good to you, maybe too kind
It is all over now, don't look behind

Take one last look, into the eyes, of a baby that loved you
You'll never find love like that again, from a heart that is true

"Missing mother"


To bring a child into this world, then to walk away
To inflict pain upon your blood, what more can I say
You carried him inside your womb, he felt the beating of your heart
His lifeline was attached to you, a bond should've be there from the
start

It is cool if you don't love me, but you should love your son
Because he is your son forever, you can't erase what's been done
Stop thinking only of you, quit being so dang shallow
His birth should be considered a blessing, a sacred event that's hallow

Nothing is as sacred as a mother, the one that gave you birth
Mother's are the only reason, that we walk upon this Earth
I try as hard that I can, to try to fill your place
But for me to be both a father and a mother, you should feel disgrace

Imagine how he'll feel, when he gives me a card on Mother's Day
Imagine the confusion inside his mind, because his mother stayed away
You can stay away from me, I do not need you in my life
I can live without you here, I can live without a wife

The only thing that I want, the only thing I ask
Be a mama and part of his life, is that too much to ask

greeneyedlady--Thank you very much for your words.

"The Pain Within"

You think the pain you feel, is the worst there's ever been
You think that you're so perfect, but still you live in sin
You have all the answers, before the questions are asked
You think your life is hard, being spoiled is such a task

All the pain that you feel, is from selfish obsession
You couldn't have everything, there in your possession
You want it all, everything, that your heart desires
When you die, can you take it with you, to Satan's fires

I wish that you could feel my pain, a true pain inside
If you could, I do wonder, whether you already would have died
I did all I could for you, but still you don't care
The tears running down my face right now, is my pain you wouldn't share

Why do I hurt so bad, why must I cry
I've given everything I could, now I wish to die
Tell me what I asked in return, what special demands
I never asked for anything, that's why I don't understand

I just wanted your respect, for you to know somebody cared
But you never cared at all, all this hurt I must bare
I wish I could find a way, to let you go somehow
I wish I could live without you, starting here right now

"Ten Long Years"

Ten long years without a hug, he just drops his head
At least twelve since he's heard I love you, so emotionally dead
No friends it seems, family aloof, dang he is so alone
Just a kid in his heart, scared of his feelings, he hurt's to the bone
No one understands the torment within, too ashamed to say
He doesn't want others to think he's weak, onward his lonely way
His heart bleeds forever, wounds never close, he's dying for someone to
care
Desperately looking for his missing love, into the eyes of other's he
glares
She doesn't notice, or doesn't care, fighting the hurt, he carries ahead
Knowing that tomorrow will be like today, his life is full of dread
Needing affection, a touch saying hey I care, to save himself from
internal danger
He puts his head in his hands and wipes his tears, how the heck can you
ask for a hug from a stranger